From the Heart
How's your week, darling, <<Name>>? It's been a little wild here as I've worked to feel "caught up". Of course, a lot of that feeling is coming from the outside world of - holidays, rushing, shopping - perfection.
It's easy to get caught up in that.
Though this may sound a little strange, JB and I don't exchange Christmas presents. We buy what we need throughout the year. We indulge in an item we really want here and there. But there's no sense in feeling obligated to buy at Christmas.
I did happen to be in the mall yesterday, though. Presents aside, I appreciate a good sale just like the next gal. Macy’s was celebrating their “Friends & Family” sale, which meant brands like Ralph Lauren were on sale, too. As part of the “business casual” side of wardrobes, it was nice to take advantage.
The thing is, those closer we get to Christmas, the less I want to go into stores. There’s so much frantic energy and you can feel the stress pouring off of shoppers and sales people alike. Often stress leads to meanness. I witnessed the total lack of acknowledgement to a sales person. Not even a “thank you”, even though this is one of the most charasmatic sales people I have come in contact with. He tried to push to be seen with his "Thank you for Shopping at Macy's" line after they were already walking away as if he didn't exist.
A couple of years ago, I happened to be in Kohls the first week of December looking for something we genuinely needed: slippers for JB. His were worn out and needed replacing, so I wanted to take advantage of the holiday sales. In the store along with me were crazed shoppers, just throwing things into their little
carts. Popcorn machines. Keurig pods, socks, sweaters....
This past May, I cleaned out our dressers. Among what I tossed? Two dozen new-like sweaters in JB's drawers. You see, he isn't a sweater guy. A sweatshirt on the weekends sometimes, but sweaters? Not in the 5 years we've been together. But, family members bought him sweaters for Christmas and birthdays because they're an easy gift. I kept three really beautiful ones (solid navy, solid green, solid black) but not the rest.
As we move towards the gift giving season, I'm all about buying needed items and meaningful gifts for those we love. However, don't buy piles of unnecessary things in order to meet any kind of imaginary quotas. This is just that reminder to think before you shop. We want our gifts to be loved and used, but what a waste to fill someone else's drawers with items they don't like or love or will ever wear or use.
So, tell me, darling, what about you? Do you get caught up in the energy of shopping and buy, buy,
buy? Can you release some of the "shoulds" this week. What if you reduced the "need" for a certain number of packages under the tree or stopped trying to be "equal" when it came to gifts for the family?
What can you do to extend yourself more grace? How can you give yourself permission to unplug and nourish your real needs? To cultivate your desired feelings and experiences this holiday season?
What
can I do to help you find your threads of courage and love? How can I help you prepare for an amazing end to 2014 and a beautiful beginning to 2015?
Much love,
PS - Become Besotted is even more beautiful than I imagined.
I'd be honored if your joined us.
From the Blog
This week in the blog, you'll find
Let Us Choose Love and Forgiveness. We are knee deep into the holiday season.
Thanksgiving is behind us, we are approaching the second Sunday of Advent, and before we know
it, Christmas and New Years are upon us.
It’s a hard time of year for many thanks to the Ghosts of Christmas Past. I try to remember that when I’m out running errands and
I run into rude or angry people.
Loss, sadness, loneliness, anger, and being haunted by memories can turn even the cheeriest of us into Scrooge.
While scanning some old photos from JB’s childhood,
I was struck with a myriad of ghosts from my own past. As I watched the picture-perfect Christmas memories from his past move from the 60’s into the 21st Digital century, I dug into my own vault and searched for the happy memories from my childhood Christmas days.
To be honest, struggled a bit because the uglier memories were louder.
My mother had been on the forefront of my mind as the holidays approach. This if the fifth Christmas without her. She was 5 feet tall, weighed 102 pounds, and was nicknamed “Aunt Meanie” by my older cousins.
They all knew not to cross my mother. Now, don’t get me completely wrong. My mother had a fun side to her. People loved her and she had some girlfriends that she remained close with for more than 30 years.
My father had what I’d call a
firecracker temper – it took a lot to make him angry and if he was, he’d blow up and it was over. My mother did not. Yes, she was capable of flying off the handle at a moment’s notice,
but she had this slow burn about her, like hot coals. She would take a tiny incident and
fondle the story in her mind until it became A Big Deal. She would then proceed to tell the person that “Did Her Wrong” all about what a horrible person she was, talk on the phone with her girlfriends about the incident, and bring it up daily in conversation. And just when you believed that something had been forgotten, she would bring it up again and hash through the details of how horribly she had been treated.
I grew up on a diet of grudges fueled by her insomnia, depression and addiction to nicotine.
Grudges didn’t go on holiday for Christmas. And, though I had many wonderful holidays, the ones that stick out in my mind are the ones in which my mother said she was “too sick” to go to the celebration at my father’s sister’s home, when in truth, she was angry at someone.
During the last days of her life,
she grasped at the old hurts and focused her thoughts on those stories. It broke my heart how bitter and brittle she had allowed those grudges to make her. She could have chosen to let go of so many burdens, but she couldn’t quite figure out how.
Witnessing the anger, the pain, and the bitterness during the last weeks of her life taught me that I didn’t want to live that way – let alone reach my last days and angry at the world.
There was a reason the Ghost of Christmas Past came to visit Scrooge in the classic tale: there were lessons to be learned from the past.
I’ve been thinking about those lessons all week. The holiday season is supposed to be
about love and peace and joy.
You can’t accept love when your heart is hardened by grudges. You can’t experience peace when your soul is heavy. You sure can’t receive love or joy when you get lost within grudges.
Holding on to anger and
grudges only
poisons your heart. The
withholding of forgiveness weighs down and
burdens the soul.
I think the reason this particular Ghost came to visit was to remind me that
there is a lot of pressure during the holiday season to be perfect. When you add the Ghosts of Christmas Past, the extra traffic, the financial strain of buying the right gift,
it’s no wonder people are touchy and sad and anger easily. It’s no wonder that small things can be quickly blown out of proportion and grudges form.
I would love to tell you that I am always Zen and am the poster child for love and peace. I’d love to tell you that I never get angry and easily forgive. But that would be a lie, because I am human, darling. And just like you, I struggle with these normal human experiences and emotions.
The thing about life is that you get to choose where you put your focus and your energy.
I used to believe that if I forgave, then I wouldn’t remember the lessons I learned. The lesson I most learned by witnessing what holding onto grudges did to my mother was that
forgiving doesn’t lessen the fact that you have been hurt in the past.
The decision to forgive simply means it has now power over you any longer.
This holiday season,
let’s extend forgiveness. We can forgive – even if we can’t forget.
Let’s let go of grudges. Let’s take a step back and not take the actions of others so personally. Most of the time, a person isn’t behaving in a particular way to piss you off, they are simply lost within their own pain.
And when it comes to forgiveness, there is another side of this card:
receiving forgiveness and extending compassion and grace to yourself and allow forgiveness within your heart for yourself. It is part of the human condition that
we make mistakes in life. Do not add burdens upon your heart by holding a grudge against yourself.
When the Ghosts of Christmas Past come to visit,
let’s ask them about the loving memories. Let’s ask them to remind us of
when we felt safe and adored and treasured. Let’s seek within our pasts
the silver threads of peace and choose to
let go of those threads to draw us into
grudges.
Let us remember that grudges lead to bitterness while love leads us to forgiveness, peace and joy.
Are you ready to rewrite your stories? Check out
Become Besotted and let me help you fall in love with yourself – and your life.
From the Kitchen
Though I don't cook with it often, I love coconut. Give me a coconut meringue pie and I'm a happy gal. But
since we're talking cookies all month, I dug through my favorite cookie recipes and re-discovered these
Coconut Thumbprint Cookies - and they are delightful!
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
Cream together
3 sticks room-temperature unsalted butter with 1 cup sugar until they are just combined and then add
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract. Separately, sift together
3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour (you can sub ½ whole wheat) with 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt. With the mixer on low speed, add the flour mixture to the creamed butter and sugar. Mix until the dough starts to come together. Dump on a floured board and roll together into a flat disc. Wrap in plastic wrap and chill for 30 minutes.
Make an egg wash –
1 egg beaten with 1 tablespoon of water added. Put
7 ounces of flaked coconut in a shallow bowl or plate. (If you wanted a festive look,
you can always tint the coconut green)
Roll the dough into 1 1/4-inch balls. Dip each ball into the egg wash and then roll it in coconut. Place the balls on an ungreased cookie sheet and press a light indentation into the top of each with your finger. Drop 1/4 teaspoon of jam (I prefer strawberry - but you can also use raspberry, blackberry or apricot jam) into each indentation.
Bake for 20 to 25 minutes, until the coconut is a golden brown. Cool and serve.
