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Simple Thoughts for Dark Days
 

Call this a confession. Call it the curse of the Rational, or a quirk of my personality, or perhaps something we all endure: there are days when I doubt. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that for every 90 days of rock-solid belief in everything--God, Jesus, salvation, Heaven, Hell, etc.--there are 10 where I am swamped with the idea it's all a pipe dream.

Some months are even worse: in the dregs of culture shock (or reverse culture shock), and when my mother passed on, the ratio slid nearer to 60/40.

Some might think this is bad--if I were truly assured of my salvation, I would never have such periods. I consider that sort of expectation unrealistic, and I don't think of these periods as "backsliding" or "sin." Salvation isn't based on what we think or what we feel; it is (rough theology here) a will surrendered to the Lordship of Christ even on those days when we're not sure He exists, and an acceptance-by-faith of the citizenship in the Kingdom and the hope of eternity we believe-by-faith offered in return for that submission.

That said, how we deal with doubt it is critical. Doubts can be used as tools that strengthen us. Some are intellectual problems that test, refine, and purify our faith: because we have struggled through to an answer, we hold the answer all the firmer. Some doubts are pure feelings, the raw drizzle of grey emotion, and how we endure them without surrendering our surrender to the Kingdom is important.

In times of doubt I am comforted by Isaiah 9, declared fulfilled in Matthew 4:


That time of darkness and despair will not go on forever.
The land of Zebulun and Naphtali will be humbled,
but there will be a time in the future
when Galilee of the Gentiles... will be filled with glory.
The people who walk in darkness
will see a great light;
For those who dwell in darkness
a light will shine.

This promise of hope is just as much for those who visit the valley of despair as it is for those who live there. It is just as much for now as it was for then. It is just as much for us as it was for those who went before us. When I am in great shadow, I hold fast to the promise of coming light.

Doubt can also be an important experiential reminder. The dark days do not last forever, fortunately. As I emerged from my most recent period, I remembered that for many hundreds of millions, daily darkness and despair is their permanent experience. This cyclical abnormality I have 1 day out of 10, on average, is their normal condition. I struggle with doubt because I have known hope, and I wonder if my hope is real. They live in despair because they have little hope for eternity at all.

Perhaps that is why God permits us seasons of doubt and thorns in our side: to remind us that the condition the rest of humanity lives in daily. May our days of doubt inspire us to bless others with the hope we have.

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