My EPIC Networking Fail
If I can succeed at networking, after the terrible start I had at my first networking event when I was 24, anyone can! Enjoy my short EPIC Networking Fail story (2:38). This was the opening for a presentation at the American Society of Training and Development conference last week.
A conversation vampire, that is!
A conversation vampire is someone who sucks the life out of a conversation, usually with no ill-intent, in typically one of 3 ways:
- talking too much and not letting others participate
- talking too little and forcing others to carry the conversation
- talking about things that are not interesting to others
There is one simple way to address all three issues: be a mind reader!
OK. I suppose that's not realistic.
But, if you knew what the other person was thinking and feeling, you could adjust your conversation.
You can be a "mind reader" through asking questions, listening for responses and observing body language and facial expressions.
As you are conversing, test how talkative the other person wants to be by asking questions to encourage them to talk. Some people actually do prefer that others talk more and these types of people will sometimes have shorter responses and turn the conversation back to you by asking you a question. Short responses, without a reciprocal question, can mean that a person wants to exit the conversation. Others enjoy having listeners and will go on and on without much prompting. You test the conversational waters to find a balance for the particular person you are talking with.
To avoid being boring by talking about things that people aren't interested in, try to gauge interest by giving some context for the topic, and asking a question to find out what the other person's experience is with that topic (see the next article on "3 Steps to Break the Ice"). It is helpful to have some "go-to" topics that most people are likely to be interested in. My go-to general topics are health & fitness, recent movies, and children/grandchildren. If I'm at an event, I will have event or industry-specific topics, too.
Body language and facial expressions can tell you a lot about interest. When a person makes lots of eye contact, nods in agreement and leans forward, he or she is intensely interested. Looking away, pointing feet away, repetitive body motions (such as tapping fingers), or yawning, in addition to short answers all indicate disinterest.
3 Steps to Break the Ice
The holidays and holiday parties are just around the corner. So, is breaking the ice with strangers!
You know that asking questions is a great way to break the ice, but has it ever felt awkward to jump in with a question? Do you sometimes feel that asking a question right off the bat is too abrupt?
Try "melting the ice" by warming up your questions!
An easy solution is to have a lead-in observational comment, followed by an optional reveal of a relevant personal tidbit and then a related question.
Comment–Reveal–Ask (or just Comment–Ask)
1. Comment. Make a comment on something that you and the other person can both observe or that you have in common (event, situation, something you see). It doesn’t need to be witty.
2. Reveal. (optional) Make a transitional comment that relates #1 (your observational comment) to #3 (the question) by revealing a tidbit of information about yourself. You can often skip the transition, but by revealing a tidbit of information about yourself, you foster a sense of connection.
3. Ask. Ask a question, preferably an open-ended question (one that can’t be answered with a “yes” or “no”).
Below are a couple of examples of how to use this process. Try jumping from step 1 to step 3, without the transition statement. It works, but by adding a transition statement, asking the question seems more natural, more conversational, doesn’t it?
Example: A party
1. Comment: “They have quite a spread here!”
2. Reveal: “That shrimp looks really good.” (This subtly reveals you like shrimp.)
3. Ask: What looks good to you?
Example: A networking event
1. Comment: “I notice you have an iPhone.”
2. Reveal: “I’ve been using an android for years, but I’m considering an iPhone.”
3. Ask: “What do you like about the iPhone?”
Try Comment-Reveal-Ask to "melt the ice" the next time you start a conversation with a stranger. Remember, a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet!
Empowering Autistic Adults
Erik's Ranch & Retreats is a local organization that empowers autistic young adults to enable them to live independently and have real jobs. One of their unique offerings are tours led by their members (young adults with autism).
The members get paid to give tours in an area of high interest for them and they also get to work on their communication skills. I went on three of the tours to do an informal assessment of their communication skills, and at the same time I had a great time!
There is no fee to go on a tour (you are a "volunteer"), but Erik's Ranch and Retreats appreciates donations to further their cause. Tours start and end in Edina.
Tour info
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