Group Wisdom

by Cedar Barstow, M.Ed.

Each month, RUPI Guild Members get together for a conference call. This month, we had a discussion about what each of us considered the "source" of our power. Since this question can take us into the realm of humanism, spirituality, and/or religion, it is not often brought up in traditional educational settings. In the right use of power program, we easily talk about personal power and distinguishing personal power from positional power, which is an increase in power and influence added-on to personal power. We can define power as "the ability to have an effect or to have influence." But, where does this ability to have an effect come from and how do you experience this source? 

I'd like to share a few responses from our discussion and invite you to reflect on your own experience. Cliff Penwell's (Vashon Island) experience has been that this topic is more about permission to talk than about education. He asked us, "Why do you want this topic to be addressed?" Indeed, why? Terms used to describe source included, the More, Spirit, the Great Life Force, God, the Common Source, the All, sacredness of life, higher Self, morals and traditions, stream of information or guidance, and as a spectrum of agreements. Magi Cooper (Canada) speaks about source in reference to the medicine wheel. "We are physical, mental, emotional, spiritual beings." For her, spirituality is a non-negotiable part of human experience. Cedar mentioned that Barbara Brennan uses the term Universal Energy Field as a "non-religious term that can be used to describe the infinite energy we see in nature. . . . and the consciousness that is greater than our personalities, or the vital life force that sustains us." 

Sherrill Taylor (Australia) described having a strong connection to source and when she is feeling this connection, she feels very excited, in the flow, and deeply grateful. Whatever she turns her hand to in her business flourishes when she feels connected. Others feel that their connection to God exists only outside of themselves. Another said that her connection is still there whether or not she is feeling or embodying the connection. For Cedar, connecting with the More not only offers clear guidance, but also resources and replenishes her. Sherrill linked this discussion to last month's conversation about the shadow effects of power. She quoted Cedar--Whatever your belief [about source] there may be a shadow side if the source of power is exploited or misunderstood, or used with undue influence. Examples come to mind of abuses of power by Kings, Dictators, Priests when they over-identify with their role power and experience themselves either as source or messenger of source.

Kathy Ginn (Wisconsin) found it a relief to be talking openly about this topic and got especially interested in thinking about why we would want to discuss this with our students. Cliff added that he feels this territory lends itself to the kinds of lessons one gains merely by exploring one’s own experience and listening deeply to the sharings of others.

 

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Love and Power

by Hara Estroff Marano

Power infuses all relationships, but today there’s a new paradigm: Only equally shared power creates happy individuals and satisfying marriages. Increasingly, it is the passport to intimacy. 

As water is to fish, power is to people: It is the medium we swim in. And it is typically just as invisible to us.

Power is not limited to leaders or organizations; it doesn’t require outright acts of domination. It’s a basic force in every social interaction. Power defines the way we relate to each other. It dictates whether you get listened to. It determines whether your needs take priority or get any attention at all.

The problem for romantic partners is that power as normally exercised is a barrier to intimacy. It blunts sensitivity to a partner and precludes emotional connectivity. Yet this connection is what human beings all crave, and need. It satisfies deeply.

But there’s only one path to intimacy. It runs straight through shared power in relationships. Equality is not just ideologically desirable, it has enormous practical consequences. It affects individual and relationship well-being. It fosters mutual responsiveness and attunement. It determines whether you’ll be satisfied or have days (and nights) spiked with resentment and depression. “The ability of couples to withstand stress, respond to change, and enhance each other’s health and well-being depends on their having a relatively equal power balance,” reports Carmen Knudson-Martin of Loma Linda University. Equality, psychologists agree, is the world’s best antidote to isolation. It’s just not easy to attain or to sustain.
 

The Ascent of Intimacy

Intimacy is nothing new. Seeking support, feeling close, forming strong emotional bonds, and expressing feelings are essential to the human experience. Both physical and psychological well-being, in fact, depend on the ability to do so.

But where we place intimacy in our lives certainly is new. The intensification of individualism and the development of the love match—ultrarecent phenomena on the human timeline—concentrate inti-macy in couplehood. Until the 20th century, says social historian Stephanie Coontz of Evergreen State College in Olympia, Washington, intimacy was dispersed among wide family and social circles. The closeness mothers and daughters and even mothers and sons enjoyed, as well as siblings and cousins, would be considered enmeshment today. Saying “I love you” to a cousin or even a neighbor was commonplace. So was displacing a husband to spend a night in bed sharing secrets with an old friend come to town. “We have upped our expectations of intimacy but downgraded our definition of from whom it is expected and to whom it is owed,” says Coontz. “We’ve taken all the personal feelings and expectations from other relationships and put them onto the couple relationship.”

Read the rest of the article here