Why Not?
August 2013
Some of us have melted as a heat wave hit through much of the U.S. Fall is around the corner with only a few weeks left, so it's up to us to enjoy the rest of the summer. Summer is an easy time for us to postpone decisions that need to be made or changes that we should undergo. In other words, it's a great excuse to remain "stuck" (it's too hot to do anything, right?) and let others make decisions for us. We are often so malleable to what we think others need, want, or expect of us that we often forget that we are in the driver's seat. Moreover, for many of us, next month heralds a new start - new academic year, return to non-summer schedules, the ever-quickening pace that seems to skip over a few months until the holidays and leaves little time for us to consider what we actually want. Before life gets too hectic and takes a hold of you, now is the time to pause and take back your own life. So before the fall creeps up and tries to take over, take a moment and give yourself permission to take back control of your own life. And if not, keep asking yourself "why not?"
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Sincerely,
Belinda Chiu, Ed.D.
The Human Needs That Drive Us
No matter how you feel about Tony Robbins oft-exuberant style, he often has some poignant insights that get at the core. In this talk, he shares the six human needs that drive what we do: certainty, uncertainty, significance, connection/love, growth, contribution beyond ourselves. He notes that it is our decisions that shape our destiny, and it's a 3-step process to help us determine our actions: 1) decide what you're going to focus on and give it meaning; 2) understand the emotion that the meaning arouses - is it an end or a beginning? A reward or punishment or chance? 3) create the action according to the emotion. As he notes, "you can know something, but decision is the ultimate power." So stop overthinking, let go, and take back control.
The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you're in control of your life. If you don't, life controls you.
~Tony Robbins
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5 Steps to Take Control of Your Life
Whether we get stuck in indecision or find ourselves too busy, we often forget that we are in the driver's seat of our own lives. How can we take back the keys?
Get out of your head: we tend to analyze and overanalyze: what do I want? What do you want? While analysis and reflection are critically important to any growth process, they can also becomes crutches if we intellectualize too much. We can become mired in self-doubt as we keep questioning in our heads rather than stepping outside of it, looking at the issue from another person's perspective or even, from a meta-level, global perspective.
Surround yourself with real friends: when we feel out of step with our lives, we tend to isolate ourselves. Surrounding yourself with true friends can help you get out of your head and see things from a broader perspective. These folks will make you accountable for your decisions, but not decide for you.
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Get healthy: sleep. Exercise. Eat better. As Amy Cuddy says, our physical beings have a deep impact into our emotional and mental health. When we know our bodies are in solid condition, we naturally feel stronger and more confident. As a result, we are more ready to take on other challenges including our own.
Let go: we often get stuck to a certain image or notion of what "perfection" or "success" should look like. Society often tells us that there is an ideal of achievement, and we tend to think of ourselves as conforming or rebelling to that idea. But the truth is, there is no "society" telling us to do one or another. That excuse is a flawed creation as a way to rationalize why we may choose (or not choose) to do something. Let go of those excuses and just be present. "Society" is not looking.
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Be judicious about seeking advice: we spend a lot of time reading about self-help, often with opposing advice. Find your passion and the rest will follow or find what your good at and the passion will follow? At some point, it is ultimately up to us to act. Taking control of our own lives requires stepping in and taking the risk to do. Relying too much on multiple points of view from people who don't know you can end up causing more confusion than helpfulness. Working with a life or executive coach, spiritual advisor, or other who is intimately knowledgeable about your situation is a great way to ensure that you continue on your own path. He or she can help you identify what your motivations are rather than go through the automated "Click-Whirr" response that Robert Cialdini speaks about.
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