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Forgiveness- freedom or chains?    April, 2014

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Forgiveness, Freedom or Chains?


What is it about that word, forgiveness, that gets me in a bundle?  I know that I need to do it. I know I want it from others, especially when I have done something wrong.  I know I need to forgive myself when I do something I wish I hadn’t.  However, forgive someone else?  Wow, what a challenge!  I feel chained to myself and my emotions.
 
The Lord’s Prayer, which is familiar to many of us, talks about “forgive us our debts” (my own shortcomings) as “we forgive our debtors” (those who have wronged us).  I naturally want God to forgive me!  So what is the challenge of me forgiving others?  I am the one who has been wronged, hurt and victimized.  I want justice instead of mercy, but when I am the one making the mistakes, I want mercy instead of justice. 
 

Freedom

Just this last year, I discovered I had buried a 40-year old forgiveness issue.  It was something I had done as a teenager and hadn’t forgiven myself.  How freeing it was to forgive myself and let go of the chains of the coulda, woulda, shouldas.
 
Unforgiving of others is one of those health challenges we don’t realize we have.  Carrying a grudge weighs down our psyche and interferes with our health and well-being. According to Mayo Clinic staff, forgiveness can lead to:
  • Healthier relationships
  • Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
  • Less anxiety, stress and hostility
  • Lower blood pressure
  • Fewer symptoms of depression
  • Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse
 I am sure my buried lack of forgiveness contributed to my episodic depressions over the years.
 

Breaking the Chains

So how do you break through some of those chains that bind and find freedom in forgiveness?  These five tips on the forgiveness process will give you a place to start:

1) Acknowledge that it is hard to forgive- figure out how you’re feeling. Write it down if necessary.

2) Remember no one is perfect.  We all get to be human.  Think about what you would want if the reverse was true – what if you did to someone, what they did to you.  What would you want?   

3) Consider that forgiveness is not necessarily forgetting, nor is it the same as reconciling.  Forgiveness is an act of your will to let go of your own feelings of victimization and making a choice to let God take care of justice.  God says “It is mine to avenge.”  The release, peace and freedom of forgiveness are what you want. 

4) Realize that you may or may not be able to reconcile with the person you are forgiving.  They don’t have to reciprocate in order for you to forgive them. You may or may not even have a conversation with the person you are forgiving. For example you may want to write a letter of forgivenes to somone who has died.

5) Make the process of  forgiving the other person or yourself a choice, even if it takes seventy times seven, as Jesus said, because it is for your health and well-being that you release that person and/or yourself to forgiveness  Get help if you need it.   Ask for wisdom on how to love the unlovable and be free of all that angst, however long it takes because you are worth it.
 
Forgiveness is a process and a choice.  May you find freedom in the forgiveness of yourself and others.
 

"And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors."                Matthew 6:12

 
 
What will help you a more hopeful, healthy, live fully life today?
In which column do you find yourself most often?
How can you break your chains and find freedom? 

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you”          Lewis B. Smedes
Be sure to forward this newsletter on to someone you think would want to know more about forgiveness and breaking those chains. May's newsletter issue will include tips on how to focus our attention on one thing at a time and minimize distractions to live more fully, especially at the end of the school year, with spring, graduations and yard work added to a busy schedule.

Check out my blog and website at  www.livefullylifecoaching.com and Facebook page at Livefullylifecoaching and introduce yourself. See you next month!

Nancy...

  • Loves God and wants to share His delight with you
  • Wants women, especially educators, to know they can reduce stress, find hope and discover possibilies that sustain their work-life balance
  • Is passionate for women to live hopeful, healthy, live fully lives each day, mind, body and soul
  • Loves her work and her family, especially her two granddaughters
     
Copyright © 2014 Nancy Booth Coaching, All rights reserved.


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