Transitions

How many of you love the idea of change? Although I know some of you enjoy it, for the most part, most people resist change. Here is a working definition of a transition: the process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another. Now let’s dig in to what change may create and how you can handle it better.

Life transitions are challenging because they force us to let go of the familiar and face the future with a feeling of vulnerability. Most life transitions begin with a series of losses:

• The loss of a role

• The loss of a person

• The loss of a place

• The loss of your sense of where you fit in the world

Any significant loss can make us feel fearful and anxious. Since your future may now be filled with questions, it is normal to feel afraid. We live in a culture that has taught us to be very uncomfortable with uncertainty, so we are anxious when our lives are disrupted. On the positive side, these transitions give us a chance to learn about our strengths and to explore what we really want from life. A life transition can be positive or negative, planned or unexpected. Some transitions happen without warning, and they may be quite dramatic, as in cases of accidents, death, divorce, job loss, or serious illness. Other life transitions come from positive experiences such as getting married, going away to college, starting a new job, moving to a new city, or giving birth to a child. Even though events like these are usually planned and anticipated, they can be just as life-altering as the unexpected events. Whether positive or negative, life transitions cause us to leave behind the familiar and force us to adjust to new ways of living, at least temporarily. They can leave us feeling completely unprepared and we may be thrown into a personal crisis, feeling shocked, angry, sad, and withdrawn.

Examples of Life Transitions

Life transitions can include any of the following, so take a moment to reflect on any that may have happened in your life within the past 6 months, or are coming up for you within the next 6 months to a year.

• Accidents• Buying a house• Changing jobs• Divorce or Separation• Getting married• Having a baby• Child Leaving for college or returning home•Move or Relocation• Retirement • Selling a house• Serious illness• Significant loss (of a person, job, pet, or anything important) • Starting a career

Stages of Life Transitions

Successfully moving through a life transition usually means experiencing the following stages: (Can you identify where you are in your transition right now from the list below?)

1. Experience a range of negative feelings (anger, anxiety, confusion, numbness, self-doubt).

2. Feel a loss of self-esteem.

3. Begin to accept the change.

4. Acknowledge that you need to let go of the past and accept the future.

5. Begin to feel hopeful about the future.

6. Feel increased self-esteem.

7. Develop an optimistic view of the future.

The process of moving through a transition does not always proceed in order, in these nice, predictable stages. People usually move through the process in different ways, often cycling back and forth among the stages.

Coping Skills

Life transitions are often difficult, but they have a positive side, too. They provide us with an opportunity to assess the direction our lives are taking. They are a chance to grow and learn. Here are some ideas that may help make the process rewarding.

• Accept that change is a normal part of life. People who have this attitude seem to have the easiest time getting through life transitions. Seeing changes as negative or as experiences that must be avoided makes them more difficult to navigate and less personally productive.

• Identify your values and life goals. If a person knows who they are and what they want from life, they may see the change as just another life challenge. These people are willing to take responsibility for their actions and do not blame others for the changes that come along without warning.

• Learn to identify and express your feelings. While it's normal to try to push away feelings of fear and anxiety, you will move through them more quickly if you acknowledge them. Make them real by writing them down and talking about them with trusted friends and family members. These feelings will have less power over you if you face them and express them.

• Focus on the payoffs. Think about what you have learned from other life transitions. Recall the stages you went through, and identify what you gained and learned from each experience. Such transitions can provide a productive time to do some important self-exploration. They can be a chance to overcome fears and to learn to deal with uncertainty. These can be the gifts of the transition process: to learn more about yourself and what makes you happy and fulfilled.

• Don't be in a rush. When your life is disrupted, it takes time to adjust to the new reality. Try to avoid starting new activities too soon, before you have had a chance to reflect and think about what is really best for you.

• Expect to feel uncomfortable. A time of transition is confusing and disorienting. It is normal to feel insecure and anxious. These feelings are part of the process, and they will pass. Expect to feel uncomfortable during a transition as you let go of old ways of doing things.

• Stay sober. Using alcohol or drugs during this confusing time is not a good idea. It can only make the process more difficult.

• Take good care of yourself. Transitions are very stressful, even if they are supposed to be happy times. You may not feel well enough to participate in your normal activities. Find something fun to do for yourself each day. Get plenty of rest, exercise, and eat well.

• Build your support system. Seek the support of friends and family members, especially those who accept you without judging you and encourage you to express your true feelings. A time of transition is also an excellent time to seek the support of a mental health professional. He or she can guide you through the transition process in a safe and supportive environment.

• Acknowledge what you are leaving behind. This is the first step to accepting the new. Think about how you respond to endings in your life: Do you generally avoid them, like the person who ducks out early on her last day on the job because she can't bear to say good-bye? Or do you drag them out because you have such a hard time letting go? Perhaps you make light of endings, refusing to let yourself feel sad. Before you can welcome the new, you must acknowledge and let go of the old.

• Keep some things consistent. When you are experiencing a significant life change, it helps to keep as much of your daily routine consistent as you can.

• Accept that you may never completely understand what has happened to you. You are likely to spend a lot of time feeling confused and afraid. This makes most of us very uncomfortable. The discomfort and confusion will pass, and clarity will return.

• Take one step at a time. It's understandable to feel like your life has become unmanageable. To regain a sense of power, find one small thing you can control right now. Then break it down into small, specific, concrete steps. Write them down and post them on your computer monitor or mirror. Cross off each step as you accomplish it.

• Times of life transitions offer you the chance to explore what your ideal life would look like. When things are in disarray, you can reflect on the hopes and dreams you once had but perhaps forgot about. Take this time to write about them in a journal or talk about them with a trusted friend or therapist. Now is a good time to take advantage of the fork in the road.

Role of Faith in Transitions

Role of Faith in Transitions

Everything that should change stays the same,
and everything that should stay the same changes.
--Unknown

A friend of mine has echoed that observation several times in the past few weeks. It reflects her struggle with all the changes and transitions she's going through. Newly divorced, a single parent, she's mother, caregiver, nurse, worker, taxi-driver, maid, cook, shopper, tutor, schedule juggler, mediator and on and on. While she's played all these roles before, she now has to manage them completely on her own. The transition is not easy, there aren't enough hours in the day and, at times, she is overwhelmed. How about you?

It seems that change is the one constant in our lives. Jobs, homes, cars, clothes, appearance and possessions all change. Health, hope and happiness. Philosophy, politics and beliefs. Morals, ethics and values. Even friends, families, spouses and/or lovers change. The world keeps changing, and so do we. Life is full of transitions and as we age, our lives and roles change, too.

With these transitions, we are called upon to adapt, change, grow. It can be demanding, complicating, confusing, frustrating. We rely on our basic coping strategies. We use our wisdom, tolerance, flexibility and adaptability. We look to our friends and family for support and advice. We use our sense of humor and irony. Sports, recreation, hobbies, travel, fun, etc.offer stress relief. Sometimes, we work with a therapist or a pastor. And, of course, many of us rely on our faith to deal with life's changes. But even our spiritual life is subject to change throughout our spiritual journey.

God has been the one thing, the only thing, I knew I could always count on. The one thing we can rely on, the one constant in this sea of change and transition, is God's grace and love for us. God is always there and always provides us with the love, support and strength to deal with life, no matter what. The promise of His presence is something that He is faithful to give us. In our darkest times, God is still our source of encouragement and love. Sometimes, in the dark night of the soul for me, I ask God how can He keep loving me so faithfully? His response is always that it is easy for Him to love me, 100% , all the time. Incredible as it might sound to me, I am loved.

Change and transition don't always have to be bad things. God's love and strength can help us deal with them. Through faith and prayer, we can find opportunities for hope, growth and second chances in change. Lives that better reflect our thoughts and beliefs. Lives more grounded in our faith. Thanking God for our many blessings. We can use God's love and strength in the most difficult of transitions. It doesn't mean that everything will go our way or that every transition and change will be painless or positive. But God is always there for us.

Even as my beliefs change and deepen, I can always take comfort in the knowledge that God loves me. I rely on the strength that God and my faith provide me. God remains the one thing I can count on throughout all the changes and transitions I go through. God is the one constant in a world of change and transition.

You can trust God in your transitions. Look to Hebrews 11:8 as an example: "By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going." You see, even if we cannot know the outcome or where a situation is going, God knows. Let that make all the difference in your life.

 

And that kind of thinking produces HOPE.

Praying for you as you go through transitions. It is an honor to journey with you. Blessings, Susie