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Dear fellow readers,
This was originally going to be a angry open newsletter. I wrote this issue three weeks prior to the release date because a few recent events made me engulfed in anger and sadness. But days before the release date, my conscience kicked in and punched me in the face. It said that if I was going to write about my community, deliver it intellectually and not as a mad man. So I sat down for a while and began revising this open letter. Now here is the proper one.
When I first came to New York City, I had a different perspective on my people in the black LGBTQ community. Based on what I’ve read and heard when I was living in New Orleans, I originally felt excited about contributing my work to a community that I thought was well established and united amongst one another. Once I got here, I began to see that it was far from it.
In regards to the community, I observed quite a large amount of negative baggage during my two years of living here. The issues vary: backstabbing, criticizing one another, ostracizing and trying to change the outsiders, irresponsible sexual activities, authority in organizations and companies taking advantage of and abusing their power, greed, toleration for melodrama, nonsupport for one another, independent public figures thirsty for fame that will step over one another for more recognition. The list goes on and on.
I originally let it all go because I know all communities are not perfect, but it finally became an issue with me when some of my own people tried to make me the center of drama because I’m associated with people that doesn’t like one another. Now I’m honestly disgusted by these statements because it’s starting to be a religious excuse. I don’t know what happened with these associates in the past. And to be honest, I don’t care. This became my own personal issue when people who's names I refuse to say, tried to change me inside and out because the way I carry myself and my life doesn't fit the so-called "norm" of the New York City black LGBTQ community.
I felt burnt out and exhausted after working two years for my people that has some sort of internal motive of destroying one another. I had thoughts of leaving my entire social life and escaping into the halls of college, disappearing for five years or something. It's like that episode of Scandal from season 3 episode 16 when Olivia and her father Eli were sitting together at the restaurant before Mama Pope walked into the room. The part when she was questioning when she was done with her work because there was always more darkness than light. I feel the same way.
That was my original anger. Then after a few days, I realized three things about me.
1. Individualism
I'm individual person inside and out. Because of years of isolation due to being bullied and not liked growing up, I've created this person you know as "Roque Caston" on my own terms. I've chosen the clothes I wear. I've chosen the career in publishing. I chose to move from New York City. I have a perspective that not everyone likes, but it's my mouth. Since when should I be so worried on how people perceives me? I'm a rebel. I'll be damned before someone except me tells me that I need to change.
Plus, when should you let someone run you out of doing what you love? I love being a writer, blogger, editor, and journalist. No way in hell can someone scare me away from the business I chose to be in.
2. Independent Good
There are people in the community who are doing great things. I have seen it and I have personally told these people how proud I am of them. So because of that, I can't say everyone is evil. The good is just slightly overshadowed by the negative side of the community. That needs to change.
3. Harlem Pride
When I got to Harlem Pride for their 5th anniversary, I can feel the love and support for one another. Meeting my peers one after another was such a peaceful reunion for me to see. Despite wherever we are in life, dozens of us are still able to come together and support one another. That's what I love to see. Everyone showing their admiration and love for one another. It's the positive side of the community that you rarely see, but is grateful when it happens.
Overall, here is my conclusion. I am happy to be a black gay man. I'm happy for the career I have now while continuing to get better at what I do. The dark side does makes me wanna run away, but I will never back away from a fight, nor will I compromise my personal integrity to fit other people's soap operas.
When it comes to the community, some of us need to get our acts together and move on from the past. It's the year 2014. Would you rather be shunned because people are ashamed of you or would you make it better by forgetting the past and building a brighter future?
Sincerely,
Roque Caston
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