A great subject came up in the questions this week - the subject of Time. And finding it. Or in my book - the subject of Time and prioritizing it. At least weekly I hear people talking about all the reasons why they can't change or do something in their lives. Well work is a HUGE part of most of our lives and making it good and fun and fulfilling matters. It matters that you feel good in your work because then you're a better friend, co-worker, lover and overall contributor. When we're full-filled we have space to give and focus on making a difference. When we're empty and grumpy we become self-focused and serving. And that doesn't feel good to anyone around us, least of all us! 

Let me just say this, right here... ready? because this is Big... Change Is Scary. It almost always brings up fear. And you, my fabulous Clarity Seeker, are absolutely not an exception to this rule. I would bet (and I'm not a gambling woman) that if you're procrastinating over changing something you say you want to change - under the layers of "I'm too busy", "I can't afford it", "My husband doesn't approve", "I don't know what to do" lies Fear. Sitting there smoking a joint and smuggly getting a kick out of controlling your life. 

Surely you don't want that? You don't want to be controlled by some invisible force inside of you, do you? I will say that Fear's super power is that it puts us into a trance where time passes and we believe it isn't really passing. It's a very skillful arch-nemesis. *sigh* if only there really was an indefinite amount of time to live life, but there isn't. It's finite. Well, okay, you might end up being the first medical miracle to live forever - but for most of us that isn't happening nor would we want it to.

All that to say this... watch out for your fears and how they might be subtly (or overtly) running you. And please. Don't let them. What they're telling you is rarely true. And if they're big ugly monsters under the bed and you simply can't find the courage to jump out and race out of the room - pick up your cell phone and call Ghost Busters, or a friend, or a coach - do something, anything! But don't let them win.

On that note... here are the answers to this week's questions. Reply with your questions and responses - I want to hear from you!!

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I struggle most with trying to find time to revise my resume to start the job hunt. Janice

What a great insight and something so many deal with. Time. The interesting thing about time is that we all have exactly the same amount. You, me, Oprah... If you’re waiting to find time you’re probably going to be out of luck. The trick is to Make Time and the only way most people will make time is by prioritizing. But don't stop reading just because I said that... there's more to this.

Let’s face it. No one wants to revise their resume. Right?! Well, okay, maybe a couple of you do! but in general this isn’t an activity any of us get excited about doing. It’s not like going to see a highly anticipated movie, or booking your flight to Bora Bora, or getting ready for a world class foot massage. Revising a resume has to be connected to something bigger for most people to get it done. In this case, it's not about the resume - it's about what the resume will get you. Focus there and you have a chance of getting it done.

Generally we’re motivated by pain or pleasure. If it’s pain, really get clear about the ripple effect of not getting this new job you want (makes you miserable and short-tempered, underpaid, tired of not being appreciated, your health is suffering, you're over-dosing on Facebook and whiskey and other misery-surpressing ‘drugs’, the quality of your life has dropped, your relationships are on a thread… get the idea?!). If it’s pleasure, focus deeply on what revising your resume will ultimately do for you - a new job (fresh start, wanting to get out of bed in the morning, happier you, opportunity to use and grow skills you have and love, feeling like you’re making a difference, more ease, more money, more positive version of you, less coffee and pastries so you’ll get your body back…).

If it seems impossible to re-prioritize change, you might just not be ready for it. You might not be ready to feel happy (feeling unhappy can be like hanging out with an old friend who you don't like that much but their presence is eerily comforting), or to have what you want. And that conversation isn’t about Time - it’s about you and your relationship with change, feeling safe and free to have what you want, and become who you know you are deep inside. When that desire becomes bigger than your need to keep your arms wrapped around that old friend, then your work and life will start to change in your favor.

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(An excerpt) More than anything, I'd have to say I struggle with self-doubt. Before staying home with the children for the last 15 years I always had a job and never worried that I would be without one for a any length of time.  Now I look at my resume and it's filled with the volunteer and community activities I have done in the last eight years and work experience that is 15+ years (c)old.  When seeing my resume, I have a hard time believing someone would take it seriously.  Nick

Nick - thank you for this. You’re certainly not alone. 

Firstly, I have enormous respect for your choice to be a stay-at-home dad. That’s precious time for you and your children. It’s also obvious that you’re going for it in terms of job hunting. You’re doing all the ‘right’ things, and for that I hope you feel proud.

Getting a job is a game. A mind game as much as anything else. You cannot, never will, not-going-to-happen, nope, never ever ever … control how long it takes. Yes, of course there’s a correlation between your level of activity and how quickly things happen. And. Essentially, you’ll do what you do and the job will arrive when it arrives.

So. The more you can do to sit with your self-doubt, fears, concerns, frustration, anger, whatever you’re feeling - the better off you’ll be. And I mean - get to know those feelings rather than drinking, eating, Internet-ing and generally doing all you can to squelch them into temporary submission. 

How do you do this? Well, some people literally stop and give themselves 10minutes to write or speak to a friend, and just ‘let it all out’. Others find a coach to work with if they’re aware they’re pretty much starting to lose the mind game. Meditation can help. Getting out of the environment for a change of perspective is good. Nature, hiking, activities that get you present like surfing, painting, biking, running, helping someone else with something, noticing what sensations (versus emotions) you're feeling in your body, for ex: my feet on the cool ground, fingers on the plastic keyboard, aching in my lower back, weight of the blanket on my legs… And finally my second favorite (it's up there with noticing sensations) (drum roll, please) - imagine that part of you is sitting in a chair next to you and talk/listen to it. Ask questions like: ‘How are you helping me?’ ‘What do you want for me?’ ‘How might we work together differently’ and literally listen for an answer from that wise part of you. Resist the temptation to answer on its behalf. That’ll just leave you right where you started.

When we’re afraid, most of us need comfort from another human being who ‘gets’ what we’re going through and helps us out of the self-doubt-trance and back into our resourceful present-day self.

In terms of practical feedback. Well, firstly - make sure you’re planning your time so you feel good about the time and energy you’re investing in getting this next job. That way you're not adding guilt about being non-productive to the pile of grumbling gremlins that are already starting to voice their opinions. And keep a close eye on your money, cut back, be conscious, y'know ... all the things we know to do that calm the security part of our brain.

Secondly - making 8 years of volunteer and community activities look relevant, there are two things you can do (and it honestly sounds like you’re doing this first one). First, make very very sure that your resume and cover letter are tailored to what your targeted organization wants and needs. Mirror what they list in their job description on your resume, in the order they list things. And second, in your cover letter, with an org you’re very excited about - mention your 8 year hiatus from the paid working world, tell them how brilliant you are and let them know how those 8 years actually make you even better equipped to do the job on offer. Don’t be afraid to respond to their possible objections in your letter. Now, of course, for you to do this - you have to see how it’s served you, right?! For that, write a list of 80 benefits (yup, eight-zero) of the last 8 years to the organization that hires you. Keep going even when you think you can’t think of any more. Go until something in your brain clicks and you have this ‘ah-haaaa!’ moment. 

Once you can see the value of your previous experience you’ll be able to communicate it. Until that happens you’re vulnerable to someone else’s opinion of you.

And finally. Trust. Trust that the company you’re meant to work at will say Yes to you. Any rejections prior to that are lucky near misses. I promise you - there’s absolutely no way that the organization that you belong in will say No to you. No way. You’re looking for a match so keep going until you find it! And every single time you take a step (send an application, update Linked In, share at a networking event) make sure you acknowledge yourself in some way.  

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That's it for this week! Remember to reply to this email with Your questions, and your successes, too! What's working to get you a career you love? What's not working? 

Here’s to doing work we love!

Clara