“There is no such thing
as a failed experiment,
only experiments
with unexpected outcomes.”
― Richard Buckminster Fuller

Happy Saturday, <<Name>>! I hope your week has been as fabulous as mine! I had a 4-day weekend with JB thanks to the judicious use of a vacation day and the Columbus Day holiday.

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, my plans for fall are a fall centerpiece of BOLD choices, Delicious HARVEST, Delectable BLOSSOMS and, yes, some PRUNING. And as we move deeper into the season, I've been waxing between my comfort zone and my discomfort zone and I do the work to see my vision for fall through.

Well, not just my vision for fall...but my general vision for 2016.

On Monday, I released the new version of Make Your Inner Sex Kitten Roar. Of course, I'd love for you to buy it if it's a good fit for what you need in your own personal development, but it isn't why I mentioned it here. What's "new" about it is why I mentioned it.

I have been coaching for five years now and so thrilled and honored to have been a part of so many lives - whether it's here in this love note, casual blog readers, participants in the 30 Days courses, past Sex Kitten Alumni and private clients.

And as much as I love every piece of what I do, aspects of my business logically must shift, morph and grow just like I, as a human being will continue to evolve, shift and grow.

So, I am experimenting with some of the pieces of my business this fall and next year. I'm not following a formula in a science text book, so there are no guaranteed or expected results. And the thing is, in life, we are constantly experimenting. I'm approaching it just like I would in the kitchen with a new recipe...or with my look to see what it feels like to choose the royal blue coat instead of the practical black one

Sex Kitten is one of those experiments. In the past, it was offered once a year, beginning on a specific date, with weekly lessons delivered to the ladies each Sunday via email. But the pieces of that that didn't feel good to me anymore were multiple.

I had to listen to my gut, follow my curiosity, and then play with the logic.

First, the SPECIFIC DATE PART (AKA how I was taught must be a part of a product release) didn't feel right to me anymore. I wanted anyone that wanted or needed the material to be able to access it whenever they felt called to it. Yes, it means that there isn't a "countdown excitement" with a deadline that encourages people to click the "buy" button. However, it also means that in the weeks leading up to releasing it into the wild, I'm not writing ONLY about Sex Kitten.

Following the logic, if I offer something that anyone can begin at anytime, then releasing those lessons each week requires a lot of work on my part OR necessitates me using a different delivery system. Of course, I could choose one of the really wonderful other systems out there besides Mailchimp, but I didn't want to spend oodles of time learning a new system. So, I took all of those lessons, edited them, and re-engineered the delivery system - which is now an eBook.

I also tweaked other areas. Since no one will receive that little reminder each week to stay dedicated to the work, I'll send everyone a monthly email to check-in. And, since there's no official "start date", gone are the group calls and instead, I will hold bi-monthly Office Hours that folks can call into and get some coaching (or else listen to the recording of the call later). The price isn't as high because I'm no longer making one-on-one coaching a must, but instead it's a separate option....

And, though I will continue to use Mailchimp to send out those monthly emails, I chose Gumroad to handle the distribution. Even though it's bringing a 3rd party into the mix, it means that folks can choose how to pay (Paypal or Credit Card) and that the moment they hit "I Want This", they GET it. The eBook, the Companion Workbook, and a Welcome Letter. 

As a nifty surprise, Gumroad has an option to DELIVER TO YOUR KINDLE which has become a preferred reading device for lots of folks. (And, unlike reading a PDF on your computer, you can highlight text and such on the Kindle.)

I walk through these changes with you for a lot of reasons.

• I want to be transparent with you about how things are shifting. You have given me valuable real estate in your in-box and to just change things without any background or heads up doesn't feel like love to me.
• I do my best to use my own life as a teachable moment for anyone here. Because, even though our lives are different, the threads of human connection mean that we all have similar experiences. I give you a peek at how I chose to play with my own curiosity and logic.
• It forced me to CHANGE something that is GOOD. Often we have areas of our life that are good, but could be better...yet we don't monkey with it just in case we make it not good. So, instead of sending out the exact same lessons in the same order, I edited every line of every lesson. I think I made it Better.
• I want to model how I am dealing with the desire to evolve by giving you a specific example. I know that when I've felt a little afraid of making a change in my world, seeing how others process and navigate their own changes helps me be less afraid.
• It's me also modeling what vulnerability looks like. Coaches are supposed to "have all the answers" and I don't have THE answer to the question: what will happen if I change my "signature program"?
• It's completely possible that my experiment will fail. That no one will like the changes and no one will feel the urge to buy Make Your Inner Sex Kitten Roar. And failing at something isn't deadly. Yes, it may be disappointing or frustrating or hurt the pocketbook. But it's not deadly. No one loves to fail, but it's ok if we do.  It's important for you to know that, too.

It's pretty darn scary to open up like this, to say I LOVE my business but I'm going to change it. What will "people" think?

But more valuable than that is that we don't have to follow formulas for our life. We get to experiment with all of it. I can play with vulnerability, transparency, curiosity, logic, intuition, and failure and allow you to look behind the curtain.

Because, what is important here is YOU. That the work I do helps YOU to be more joyful in your own life. To help YOU see how you can shift your life and fall in love with it. To help YOU be a little brave and play with your own curiosity and vulnerability.

So, tell me, darling: what do you need to be brave about?  What part of your life (or business) are you desiring to evolve or shift? Are you allowing your curiosity to speak up or are you shushing it?

In what way are you avoiding vulnerability? How can you allow your heart and your brain to weigh in on your choices.

What, my darling, do you desire to change in your life? And how about following through with a plan to bring your desire to LIFE? AND...what can I do to help?

I am the first to admit that my life is far from perfect, but that, despite this (or maybe because of it) I am still happy each and every day. Does this mean I’m walking around in a blissful haze of happiness all day, every day? Of course not! But I’ve come to understand that I can choose to shift my mood and better manage the challenges that living inevitably brings to all of us.

The tools and stories I share here draw mostly from the present-day view of my life. Though I deal with some challenges, rarely do I experience soul-level debilitating pain. Stress? Yes. Anger? Of course. Sadness? Unquestionably. I also regularly experience feelings of overwhelm, frustration, fear, jealousy, disappointment, and disconnection.

However, I also regularly experience excitement, worthiness, pleasure, playfulness, joy, and other such delightful feelings.

When I tell you that I love my daily life, it’s not a line I toss out as a piece of my branding. It’s a peek into what I have created. It’s not me gloating about what I have achieved, but a conscious effort to share what I have learned.

When I dig into the past, I try not to linger there too long. Thirteen years ago, not only was I unhappy, I experienced day after day of gut-level misery. I popped anti-depressants and numbed myself with food, alcohol, and exercise. As a child I learned that it was best to wear the mask of “I Live a Happy and Picture Perfect Life,” so none of my friends really knew how bad things had become.

My husband wasn’t my partner, but my adversary. I lived in an almost constant state of shame thanks to my lack of integrity with my own values. Though one of my top values is truth, I became a habitual liar. Because when I or either of our daughters displayed our imperfections in any way (especially with behavior problems at school), he would go overboard in punishment. Most damaging to all of us was his complete withdrawal of affection if anyone committed an “infraction” when he would refuse to even speak to whoever had been “bad” for days and weeks at a time.

When I had finally had enough of barely surviving and found the courage to divorce him, I was terrified. I had built a perfect facade of a life and now “everyone” would see me as a failure.

I worried about how I was going to pay the bills, parent two girls, and redefine my own identity. Because, who was I if I wasn’t a “wife”? I knew that I had to do it from the inside out, but had no clue where to begin. I only had the kernel of the idea that if I ever wanted to be happy, it was up to me to find faith in myself.

It was up to me to do the work to change what I didn’t like about myself and my life. I studied, read, went to therapy, went to church, traveled, worked with a coach and found the tools that worked for me.

And, baby, let me tell you, I made a hell of a lot of mistakes. It was two steps forward, three steps back in those first months. When I finally did start gaining traction, when the happy days began to outnumber the crappy days, I didn’t want to believe that it could last.

Life didn’t change overnight. Every time I made progress, I had to choose to stay devoted to the process of creating the kind of life I wanted to live.

I will be honest with you: while I have abstract memories of those days when my life wasn’t like it is now, I don’t really recall them in detail. The human mind is such a glorious thing that when we create the kind of life we desire to live and stay devoted to the practice of honing it, we forget much of the pain we had before.

What we remember are the lessons. We remember glimpses of what life was like, but looking back sometimes seems as if we are gazing into the life of someone else.  It’s up to us to guard ourselves from the triggers that could propel is back into our old ways.

No matter how bad life may be. No matter how numb you may feel or how “perfect” Instagram shows you life to be, you don’t have to settle for a life that is less than what your heart desires.

Often, we hang on to being miserable because we’re afraid of life being different, even if it could be better. And I can tell you that the woman I was at thirty-four is forever grateful to the woman I am at forty-seven. Because all that work is worth the results of this life.

Want to know the only thing standing between who you are today and who you desire to be? It’s you, sugarplum.  Which also means that the kind of life you want can be yours. Are you ready to create it?

Make Your Inner Sex Kitten Roar is a collection of the tools I used to become devoted to the vision of the life I desired. There are six modules of lessons, a companion workbook containing all the worksheets and writing prompts, and more.

• I rarely follow the "instructions" on the package. Instead, I....
• I chop up a boneless, skinless chicken breast and cook it in my Dutch Oven with a little olive oil until the outsides are "done". No need for spices (except maybe a little pepper)
• Then I add a package of sauce. I choose flavor profiles we like, and our favorites tend to be the ones made for veggies.
• Then I cover and let it simmer for about fifteen minutes.
• When the chicken is cooked through, I throw in some veggies, put the lid back in place, .I always add a container of baby spinach. Sometimes I also add tomatoes, bell peppers, squash,asparagus,  etc.
• Let it simmer for about five more minutes.