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Indulging in Indian Summer
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“Each day the sun shone,
the birds lingered,
though the trees were turning,
purely out of habit,
and their rose and yellow and rust looked strange and beautiful
above the brilliant green grass.”

Elizabeth Enright

After resorting to turning on the heat to warm the house, <<Name>>, this week has seen a return to warm days, open windows, and the wearing of shorts instead of long pants.  We'd already brought in the Palm Tress (Brutus & Goliath) and begun to winterize the porch...but it was worth dusting off the coffee table and taking the covers off the love seat to enjoy the weather.

My first real taste of "Indian Summer" since living here in Ohio.

Most of this week has been dedicated to The Book. Taking my collection of more than 400 blog posts and articles and creating something a bit more tangible than allowing my work to continue to only live on the web has been both a rewarding and challenging endeavor.

The planner side of me loves the organization. To determine what categories each piece belongs in is gratifying. I like neat little rows of data. But life - and this collection - is a bit messy at times - and crosses lines of categorizations.

The sheer volume of words has astounded me. Though I originally imagined just choosing my favorite two dozen posts and adding on a little preface, it hasn't turned out to be that simple. I want to create something I am proud to have in my hand and proud for you to see. So, even though it could be easier to do it that way, I don't want to half-ass it.

So, I am re-reading all 400+ pieces of writing. I'm cutting out whole paragraphs here and sentences there. I am discarding huge sessions of others....and sometimes rescuing a single line I love and finding it a new place to nestle between other words.

Of course, some posts are being discarded on the whole, without any paragraphs or sentences being saved.

And I'm doing a lot of editing. As we sat out on the porch last night, I was just telling JB that almost every single post published needed editing, despite the fact that I don't just drafted and toss it out there - each piece was drafted, most were edited by my dear friend Melissa, then I did another edit... Some of them have been run through The Hemingway App, and then edited  again before ever hitting the "publish" button.

And still, there are things to edits, typos to correct, and sentences with missing words. Of course, it's taking longer than I thought it would.

I thought it would be pretty easy to "pull it together" and am finding it's anything but easy. But, my dear, it is a very rewarding experience. To explore all the words I've written for you in the last 4 1/2 year.

I tell you this story because often, we see the results of people's work and think it looks easy. A finished book, even collections of previously shared work, seems effortless.

We attempt to do something similar or along the same lines....and come to the conclusion that obviously, something is WRONG with us, because it's HARD. It feels challenging.

And, of course, our Inner Critic pops up and tells us maybe, just maybe, we should give it up. Because, obviously we aren't "meant" to do IT. (Which is a total fabrication of the FEAR in us all...)

The truth is no matter how effortless something may seem...or easy we think it is.....or how long it will take, life doesn't fit in neat little spreadsheet cells.

Life is messy and challenging and can also be thoroughly enjoyable and rewarding. All at the same time. Sure, some stuff is easy, but not everything can be. And that's a great thing. Because wouldn't life be dull if there was no range of emotion or experience? If everything we did took no effort? If nothing required our time, attention, sweat, and tears?

So, tell me, darling, how about you? Have you ever begun a project to discover it's not as easy as you thought it would be? How did you stick with it? Are you game to give it another try if you gave up? Where in your life do you need to accept that it's just....messy? And that messy and challenging is OK?

Are there areas of your life that you're just...half-assing? Even though you really want a better result?

How can you find love in the process and enjoy the work...especially when it's not easy? How can you just flow with it and keep chipping away instead of walking away? What can you do to remind yourself that it's worth the time and the effort to stretch yourself and do new things? That it's ok to explore your work, edit it, toss some things, and sometimes rescue just one exquisite piece and toss what no longer fits?

How can you stop comparing your process to someone else's finished result?

And as we draw closer and closer to the end of 2015, what can you do for to remind yourself that your goals and dreams matter? And that, yes, there is still time to usher any of your dreams into reality?

Life is to be enjoyed. We are meant to savor a surprise spell of warm weather and glorious sunsets. So, let's commit to not comparing our insides to the outside results of others. Otherwise, it saps the joy out of living.

With so much love,






PS - Speaking of 2016...I'll be sharing my annual guide to choosing your Word and closing out the year sometime in the next week or so.

PSS - "The Book" will be available before the Holidays (though hopefully before Thanksgiving ;-)  )

This week in the blog you'll find: You Don’t Have to Settle.  It won’t be long before Thanksgiving arrives, with thoughts of turkey and pumpkin pie. As we move into the month of November, we will be surrounded with thoughts of gratitude and the hashtag #blessed populating your Facebook and Instagram feeds.

And, I am all about gratitude and counting your blessings.

Gratitude can fuel your joy, rewire your brain, and shift your entire way of being. And this isn’t just a statement I throw out in the season of Giving Thanks, because it has solid scientific, psychological, and sociological research to back up the value of a gratitude practice.

But let me talk straight with you, sugarplum. Hiding behind how “grateful” and “blessed” you pretend to be when deep down you know that you’re trying to survive the day is a crappy way to live.

Because, darling, you shouldn’t have to settle.

Some of the things we say when we’re settling…

“My husband and I are like two ships passing in the night, but at least he’s a good dad….We have an OK life

“My teenager is so disrespectful and downright hateful, but at least I’m being challenged to be a better mom…I should be grateful I get to BE a mom…”

My office is so negative. My stomach is tied up in knots every Monday. But I make good money…

“Deep down…I just know that something’s missing…but I shouldn’t complain. I really am so privileged….”

“I feel lonely in my own house, but it could be worse….”

And the truth of the matter is, that yes, your life is pretty good, but deep down you know it could be better. And, dear God, you are tired of making do and settling for less.

Seeking to figure out it out, you find that everything you read tells you to that to change your life, you have to change your thoughts. You have to shift the natural negative bias of our brains.

So you meditate, journal and focus on how #blessed you are. You do your best to focus on how great your life is in the present and ignore what’s missing.  You have a consistent gratitude practice. You post positive quotes with shots of nature and perfect lattes on Instagram.

And these are all great ways to be happier, truly. Don’t get me wrong here, because these tools do WORK.

But let me shoot straight with you, my darling: if this kind of conscious self-work means you only feel so-so most days…and deep down you know that you aren’t really happy, then, darling no amount  doing this kind of work will give you the results you are seeking.

Because, you’re choosing to settle.

Most of us use pain as a motivation to change and you keep sucking things up because the pain isn’t to the breaking point…..yet. You tell yourself that you’ll keep hanging on. So, you ignore the edges of the pain, put on the mask of your Perfect Life and post a fresh selfie and tag it #blessed.

Still, you don’t dared confess to any of your friends that you aren’t happy, because you just know they’d roll their eyes and remind you how lucky you are. So, you suck in the shame and pretend everything is AWESOME.

That you are so Grateful. So blessed.

((You continue to settle….living in that limbo land.))

Let me tell you something, darling: you do not have to settle.

Your pain is valid, even if you have a “nice” life. You finally realize that settling is no longer good enough….for forever.

The choice to not settle is scary, though. Because it means you have to be honest with yourself about what isn’t working.

You have to be willing to be nakedly honest with what’s within your control to change.

Honesty goes to examining your lifestyle choices, too. Are you sleeping enough? Are you numbing with food or alcohol? When’s the last time you got some exercise or played a game? Are you busy so that you seem happy?

You may need to have a vulnerable or straightforward conversation. And maybe, just maybe, that vulnerable conversation leads to changes in your situation…or maybe it necessitates making some big changes.

Maybe you just need to create a plan to facilitate a career change. Maybe you need to try a new networking group or join a book club so that you meet new people and make some new friends. Maybe you need to spend some of your time being creative, so you take up painting or commit to finally writing that novel.

Maybe it’s time to go back to school and get that Masters.

It’s entirely possible you need some help. Maybe you need to hire a life coach. Maybe you need to find a good family therapist to help everyone manage the raging hormones in your household. Maybe you need to do a couples retreat or work with a marriage counselor.

You do not necessarily have to upend your entire life to find your joy. More often than not, tiny steps towards what you need help you shift directions.

So get honest with yourself. Look at what can be changed.

And yes, keep being grateful. Continue to remind yourself that you are blessed. Just don’t pretend. Putting on a mask and pretending that everything is perfect in your life is no way to actually feel grateful, lucky, or blessed.

A little bravery and a lot of honesty can go a long way to finding that deep joy. And then the next time you post a photo of that fancy latte with the perfect heart in the foam, you really will feel #blessed instead of merely pretending to be.
Thanks to the "extra hour" on Sunday (and being up super early to boot) I did a marathon cooking session in the kitchen. In two hours time, had a beef stew for dinner in the crock pot, roasted some halibut and veggies for lunch....and while I was in the kitchen chopping veggies anyway, I made some of my meatloaf muffins for lunches as well as Egg Muffins for grab-and-go breakfasts.

Preheat oven to 350 and spray a muffin pan (I used a JUMBO Muffin Pan) heavily with non-stick spray.

I began with half a pound of breakfast sausage, which I browned in a skillet and then set aside to cool.

Dice one cup of bell peppers, (any color - I often buy already sliced or diced multi-colored peppers from the grocery case) along with 1/2 of a purple or yellow onion

Put enough olive oil in the bottom of a deep saute pan and cook onions and peppers on medium-high until onion begins to become translucent. Add one small container of baby spinach to pan, cover and allow the spinach to wilt.

Crack a dozen eggs in a bowl and whisk together with a heavy dose of freshly ground pepper and 1/2 a teaspoon of kosher salt.

Divide cooked sausage and vegetables equally in the greased muffin tins. (Add a small sprinkling of grated cheese if you like) and then pour egg over other ingredients, filling the muffin tins about 2/3 full (do NOT overfill as these PUFF UP and will spill over).

Place in oven and cook for 20 minutes. They are done when a toothpick inserted comes out clean.

Allow to cool completely. Refrigerate the number of muffins you'll eat in two days. Otherwise, you'll want to freeze the rest.

My preferred method is to individually wrap each muffin in waxed paper store in freezer bags. Frozen egg muffins will keep for up to three months.

To thaw a frozen muffin, put in fridge night before and it will be perfect in the morning,

You can mix up the veggies - maybe some tomatoes. Skip the sausage, etc. This will make a dozen regular sized muffins or 6 jumbo muffins.

Volume 5 - Issue 45

November 07, 2014

Published Every Saturday
 
Thank you, darling for the precious in-box space! 
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About Debra

Debra Smouse is a writer, life coach, and Tarnished Southern Belle who is on a mission to help people fall in love with their lives.

An expert de-tangler, she believes in busting clutter as a path to greater clarity and that within every woman is vibrant, passionate, and sexy being just itching to make their inner sex kitten roar.

Alphabet soup wise, Debra holds a BS in Communications as well as a PMP. She's an ENTJ according to MBTI, according to Ennegram, and a 7-3-8-2 according to Kolbe.

A native Texan, she resides in Ohio with the Man of her Dreams. Get social with Debra on Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest.

Unbelievable Difference


Working with Deb for just a few months has made an unbelievable difference in my life.

With her encouragement, I made major progress on clearing the clutter in my physical life as well as in my emotional life, which paved the way toward creating a new vision for the life I want to live now.

Deb has an easy conversational style, rational down-to earth wisdom, and a warm sense of humor.

She got right to the heart of the things holding me back from living my best life, and has given me sound principles and practices I can carry forward into the future.

For the first time in a long time I feel excited about my life, and I have Deb to thank for that!

-Becca Rowan, Author

Fall in Love.

With Yourself.

How do you explore your own story? How do you stay on track to bring your dreams into your reality?

How do you find the breadcrumbs that will lead you from unconscious existence to the understanding that your daily actions have the power to create a conscious life?

That’s why I created Become Besotted. Become Besotted will assist you in writing your story, a month at a time. An opportunity to get to know all sides of yourself and fall in love.

Become Besotted will also help you explore your dreams and desires. It will serve you in monitoring your victories and shedding what isn’t serving you.

Ready to Become Besotted with yourself and your life? Get the details here.

Patience & Guidance


Your continual patience and guidance have allowed me to move from being a man who didn’t believe he had anything in his glass to a man with a glass overflowing.

Your advice has always been spot on…….from helping me see how important it is to be thankful for my blessings to helping me remove physical and emotional clutter from my life. I am actually the most grateful for the times when you have spoken the truth in love and been honest with me when I wanted to continue to delude myself. Without those wise words, I would have continued to lie to myself and not had the breakthroughs I have experienced.

I’m not all I want to be yet but I would have ever found my path had I not met and worked with you. Thank you for your efforts in helping me find my life. I am forever in your debt.

~Basil Human, Engineer, Chief Operating Officer, Writer

Undeniably You

Are you ready to create a life you love?   Do you want to reconnect to the sacred parts of yourself?

Isn't it time to stop wearing masks and making excuses?

What would it be like to peel away the layers of perfection, look in the mirror and love yourself unconditionally?

To step into feeling bold, sexy, confident and  ALIVE?

Make Your Inner Sex Kitten Roar is an adventurous journey into becoming YOU. Unfiltered. Unapologetic. Undeniable.

It's a fully, downloadable eBook with Companion workbook and more.

And, you may also bundle Make Your Inner Sex Kitten Roar with 6 Coaching Sessions.

You Won't Be Sorry

My working relationship with Deb began a number of years ago through an online course in which we both participated – post-course, we agreed with a few colleagues to an online accountability relationship for positive steps we were all taking in our lives. During that time for me, Deb established her attention to detail and her accountability to both contribute input and to positively listen to each of the persons involved with the group. After that group ended, she and I personally kept in touch loosely over our blogposts and those posts of other online friends.

When Deb posted her “Sex Kitten” course for the first time, I was totally taken with the clever title and provocative content offered for positive and long-reaching advances in one’s personal and in one’s very personal life. I dialed in for a personal conversation about whether or not we were a match regarding present and future ambitions of mine and…….“the rest is history!”

But the rest, the rest being with Deb’s counsel, has been an interesting, innovating, expanding chapter in my life as a woman, a spouse, a creative artist. My spouse and I have always had what I considered an excellent life together – I did not anticipate an even better and the more intimate relationship that we now find ourselves living into every day. I’m no slouch in the confidence category but Deb has helped me face those teeny cracks of vulnerability that I sheltered, having helped me prosper mentally and physically at this stage of my life. My creative aspirations are blooming with no end in sight – LOTS more growth ahead for me.

I highly recommend a course with Deb or what she might call a non-course – that’s the arrangement we have now. Personal coaching on a regular basis – touching base on one’s own hiccups, one’s own dimension of daily life, whether it’s exercise, creative habits and/or reaching the next plateau or higher in all of the newness that still continues to unfold for me. I highly recommend Deb’s methods and courses! You won’t be sorry you signed on with Deb as your super-person sidekick!

Dianna Woolley, Artist

Fall Back

Bummed about the shorter days and darker evenings ahead? Don't be! Daylight Savings Time is a wonderful opportunity to "fall back" in love by showering some extra sexy, snuggly attention on your partner. 

Here are 10 ways to use shorter days as a way to create big time love

Keen Listener


“Debra is a keen listener who manages to be truly empathetic while also helping clients to face reality, create a definitive plan of action, and move forward.

She applies her creativity to any dilemma and provides consistent accountability and encouragement”

~ Roxanne Ravenel | Novelist/ Freelance Journalist / Social Media Management

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