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Holding Space
Q: I've been hearing people use the term "holding space". Can you explain what it means exactly and how I could apply it to my everyday life? Thanks!
A: How do you feel when somebody listens to you with full awareness, giving you enough room to express the emotions and thoughts you would like to share? How do you like a class where you have enough space for your journey inwards, where you don’t feel hurried along? How about a workshop or work conference where you're allowed to be just as you are, as part of a group where you feel safe and respected? We're naturally drawn to those in whose presence we feel secure, accepted and supported.
These are examples of "containers" that help you grow and heal, to progress on your own path, in your own time. Someone holding space helps you create your own experience—without those feelings of being judged or pushed. You can walk in your own shoes as you're guided in a gentle way.
There are many occasions and roles where space is held: the mother listening to her child, the teacher attuning to their students, the executive listening to their employees, good friends talking to each other. There's a common thread between these, yet learning to hold space for others is an ongoing process, an art that you really have to practice, nothing that can be mastered with a certificate.
So how can you learn to hold space?
1. Watch and observe people holding space. You know who they are: teachers who are engaging, people who are actually interested, empathetic customer service reps who truly hear you, friends who uplift you and make you feel good.
Notice their behavior and attitude towards patience and kindness. Notice how they aren’t pushy or overwhelming. Notice how they allow others to find their own way rather than wanting it done in the same way they do.
They ditch expectations, encourage emotions, and aren’t selfish with their time. They refrain from showing off their skills, competing with others or being too deep in their own processes. They want to make others feel special, treating them as a top priority. See if you can practice their examples and apply it in your life.
2. Know how you like to be treated. Apply that knowledge toward others. Giving people your full attention and unconditional support with an attitude of tenderness, compassion and confidence—which facilitates trust and opening of hearts—is such a great gift that you can present to them.
3. With your family, observe the different opinions everyone has, and even if you don’t agree, try on their perspectives. Since everyone is unique in their own right and is allowed to think differently, see if you can find a positive outlook with that knowledge and compassion, seeking peace rather than resentment.
4. Take a moment to connect with your partner (no partner? Do this with your pet or close friend). When you hug, hold each other for a little longer than usual. Note and allow those feelings you get from the tender touch of your skin on skin. Observe the silence and note that heart-to-heart connection you both are making.
5. When talking to a coworker, attune to them. Listen closely with empathy to what they have to say and allow more space before you respond (or react!) and comment.
6. With your own self, observe whatever comes your way. During your day, find a sense of compassion and curiosity, being gentle with yourself and taking good care of yourself as you would a child.
Yours in health,
Mary'sTherapies
Resources:
Kula by Martina Reinbold
Cosmic Consciousness and Healing with the Quantum Field by Darshan Baba
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