Parenting & Coaching the Millennial Athlete: Dare to Fail!
Hi <<First Name>>,
A growing conversation among college, high school and travel softball coaches centers around the challenges presented in coaching today's millennial generation of athlete.
Today's teen athlete is far different than those we coached even five or ten years ago and, thus, requires parents and coaches to reassess how they deal with these unique kids.
From a coach's perspective the common concerns I hear include:
Athletes are overly sensitive to (their perception of) being criticized or corrected.
Athletes are either more combative or more emotionally removed when communicating.
Athletes are far more judgmental of their own performance.
Athletes are more afraid to fail; to disappoint parents, teammates, coaches and self.
Athletes are often unwilling to step outside of comfort zones for fear of being embarrassed.
A trend towards obsession with results instead of effort; impatience without respect for the process.
Athletes are far more on the edge of burnout, struggling with the pressures of the game.
Athletes are consumed with the pressure of maintaining top notch grades in an ever competitive college entrance/acceptance landscape.
Athletes are constantly aware, often from well meaning parents, of the crucial importance of performing at a consistently high level to get recruited... and obtaining the college athletic scholarship.
Athletes are in a perpetual mental state of doom, gloom and frustration for fear their dream will never come true...given all they have sacrificed.
So if the above points are, as I believe and am being told by many coaches, true then how do we are parents and coaches help these teens to better navigate the scary waters inside their heads to allow them to play their best while enjoying the game as much as possible?
Make it your number one priority to help them to shift their focus from results to effort and process. Meaning, it's okay to fail! In a game as hard to master as fastpitch she must accept that taking two steps forward often requires her to take a big step back along the path. This "failure" need not define her or cause her insecurities to rage.
Elevate our levels of communication on the process they are going through. Explain the recruiting process. Tell her you don't expect her to be perfect. Work on a plan and follow it.
Speak with her about reassessing her motivation and desire to continue making the sacrifices she's making and her goals for herself, whatever they are (liking playing in college). Make sure she is playing for her and not for you.
Since millennials seem to crave their "safe spaces" work to shift her mindset to one of being comfortable being uncomfortable. To play her best she must learn to push through limiting comfort zones (again...risking failure).
Have a discussion about her "risk versus reward" calculations. If she is afraid to fail/risk, seek to reset the rewards for her taking the risk. Reignite her passion for achieving her goals for playing and throw in a few incentives (or disincentives) to encourage her risk levels.
For many millennial athletes failure is a deeply disturbing thing; a wound to their self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence. Remember, this is a highly narcissistic generation deeply focused on "my achievement." Help her to see the big picture and assuage her fears!
