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In the 07/26/2016 edition:

The phenomenon of divorce regret

Jul 26, 2016 12:03 pm

divorce - broken heartNZ Herald 23 July 2016
Family First Comment: An interesting discussion – although note that there is very little discussion around what’s best for children, and their needs.
“Divorce has never been easier and, for marriages where abuse or genuine incompatibility is at play, shooting the horse can be the best option. But for others it’s not so straightforward: according to several British studies, upwards of 33 per cent of those who divorce will regret their decision within five years.”

There is a tiny chapel perched in the meadow above Judge’s Bay, in Parnell. White and wooden, it’s the perfect setting for a romantic summer wedding.

A 10-minute drive from there, crouching low over the wind-tunnel of Albert St, is the Auckland District Court. Above the entrance, a large patch of mould is creeping down the facade to meet the New Zealand Coat of Arms.

Of the 10,000 or so couples who marry in New Zealand yearly, roughly a third will eventually end up filing the papers here, on level 6, to dissolve their marriage.

Divorce has never been easier and, for marriages where abuse or genuine incompatibility is at play, shooting the horse can be the best option. But for others it’s not so straightforward: according to several British studies, upwards of 33 per cent of those who divorce will regret their decision within five years.

Google “divorce regret” and you will find the internet is littered with those regretting their decision to end it.

Whisper, the app where people anonymously share secrets, logs confessions from people wishing to turn back the clock, side by side with those happy to be moving on.

Sir Paul Coleridge, a retired family law judge in London, has seen exactly this scenario play out many times. He spent 42 years in the family law system, 30 as a barrister and the remaining 12 as a judge, divorcing couples. He was so frustrated by witnessing what he felt were many unnecessary divorces, that he founded a think-tank, the Marriage Foundation, in 2012. While the family court provides a remedy for the problem, the foundation is his attempt to address its cause.

Most divorce is concentrated in the first 10 years of marriage, when the stress of young families, hectic lives and money pressures can be overwhelming. He says more than half of the divorce cases he heard were salvageable, despite reaching litigation. They hadn’t hit the point of no return, things had just got much tougher than they would like.

If the marriage is sound, the way through, he says, is for spouses to confront the aspects of themselves and their marriage that they would rather ignore, and address those difficulties head-on.
READ MORE: http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=11679476

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Talking to Children about Sex

Jul 26, 2016 11:30 am

mother talking to daughterAmerican College of Pediatricians 25 July 2016
Family First Comment: Excellent read. “Parents have the opportunity to protect their children from the potentially harmful consequences of sex, counteract misinformation from other sources, and communicate their own values regarding sex when they talk to their children about sex and sexuality”

Parents can and should have the most significant effect on their children’s sexuality. In today’s world, there are many sources for children to gain information about sexuality and much of that information is not correct. Parents have the opportunity to protect their children from the potentially harmful consequences of sex, counteract misinformation from other sources, and communicate their own values regarding sex when they talk to their children about sex and sexuality.1 Sadly, there are many parents who do not talk to their children.

One study found that parents often perceive certain barriers which discourage them from talking to their children about this topic. These barriers include, but are not limited to, thinking that children are not ready to hear about sex, not knowing how to talk about sex, the parents’ lack of time or energy, the child’s lack of receptivity, parents’ embarrassment or discomfort, not having thought about the need to talk about sex, dysfunction in some families, and language and cultural barriers between parents and children.1 Research has found that when parents overcome these barriers and do talk to their children about sexuality their children have sex at a later age and have better communication with their future romantic partners.

So what should parents do?

  • Talk to your children when they are young.
    • “Before children’s bodies start to change, you need to prepare them for peer pressure. You need to educate them about risks and prepare them for challenges.
  • Make it an ongoing conversation.
    • “The most important thing for a parent and child in sexual health is open communication.”
  • Develop a good relationship with your children.
  • Model an appropriate romantic relationship and sexuality with your spouse.
  • Recognize and take advantage of the teachable moments that arise.
    • “When something comes on the radio or television about sex, do you turn it off so your children can’t hear? Or do you talk about it?”
    • Talk about what is happening in children’s sex education classes.
  • Create opportunities to talk about sex.
  • Use religious teachings and the church community as supports.
  • Some specific things to let your children know…

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Police paying for child abuse tipoff leaves them open to ‘trumped up complaints’

Jul 26, 2016 10:48 am

Andrew BecroftChildren’s Commissioner cautions that police paying for child abuse tipoffs leaves them open to ‘trumped up complaints’
TVNZ One News 25 July 2016
Family First Comment: Hallelujah! A Children’s Commissioner with some common sense!!!!
“Complaints could be made for money. They could be trumped up complaints, they could be half truths used to further the interests of a party. So it would have to be for serious alleged instances where no other information is available,” Mr Beecroft said.”

Children’s Commissioner Andrew Beecroft is cautiously supporting a police proposal to pay people to dob in child abusers.

The plan has been revealed as another shocking and horrendous story of neglect has come to light, after a landlord found faeces and maggots in a Nelson house where two children under nine had been living.

Other child abuse cases have ended fatally and Detective Superintendent Tim Anderson says people had known abuse was going on.

“When we look and debrief cases like Nia Glassie, Kahui twins, we know that within the family environment there are people there that know the offending or abuse is taking place,” he said.

Mr Beecroft supports the idea of paying informants.

“With proper safeguards to those serious situations who could be against it if it saves the life of a child?” he said.

But the former Youth Court judge concedes people could abuse the system.

“Complaints could be made for money. They could be trumped up complaints, they could be half truths used to further the interests of a party. So it would have to be for serious alleged instances where no other information is available,” Mr Beecroft said.
READ MORE: https://www.tvnz.co.nz/one-news/new-zealand/childrens-commissioner-cautions-police-paying-child-abuse-tipoffs-leaves-them-open-trumped-up-complaints

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CYF ‘sorry’ over children in faeces-riddled mess

Jul 26, 2016 10:30 am

CYF logoLandlord ‘disappointed’ after alerting CYF to revolting conditions
NewsHub 25 July 2016
Family First Comment: And this is why people have issues with CYF. They go completely over the top on cases of smacking and unsubstantiated claims by ex-partners (see protectgoodparents.org.nz for the evidence) but fail to respond appropriately on cases like this and Moko and others. But then again, they’re completely overworked because they have mis-defined what abuse actually is! Can government solve the problem? Not until they promote strong marriages and strong formation of families, and stop financially promoting malformation of families and welfare dependency.

A Nelson landlord has described a horror house where two young children lived among dog and human faeces.

Sinead Ogilvie says she is disappointed Child Youth and Family Services (CYF) did not take immediate action after she alerted the agency to the situation.

CYF have since apologised for their handling of the case.

“While CYF was involved in an assessment of this family we have not done a good enough job. The photos prove our assessment has been poor. I apologise for that,” CYF upper south operations manager Helen Aiken says.

Ms Ogilvie says alarm bells started ringing at her rental property when she noticed dogs in their own excrement and rubbish outside. The tenants, who hadn’t been living there long, had also driven through the double-garage doors.

“I thought ‘hang on something’s not right here’.”
READ MORE: http://www.newshub.co.nz/nznews/landlord-disappointed-after-alerting-cyfs-to-revolting-conditions-2016072513#axzz4FSfpwMyg

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Poll Finds Americans Strongly Support Abortion Restrictions

Jul 26, 2016 10:09 am

usa flagPRNewswire.com 25 July 2016
Family First Comment: Clinton has been unabashed in her support of abortion, recently promising Planned Parenthood that she would work to repeal the Hyde Amendment and increase tax dollars for abortion, and that GOP Vice Presidential nominee, Mike Pence would risk women’s health because of his pro-life views. However, based on this new Marist poll of over 1,000 adults, the Republican position on abortion is much more mainstream than what Clinton advocates indicating that overplaying their hand on abortion could hurt Clinton and the Dems.

Americans remain strongly supportive of abortion restrictions, despite this summer’s Supreme Court decision overturning a Texas law that mandated that doctors have admitting privileges at a local hospital and that abortion clinics be held to the same standards as other outpatient surgery centers.

Strong majorities also oppose taxpayer funding of abortion, support the right of conscientious objectors to opt out of abortions, and would generally limit it – at most – to the first trimester. In most cases, a majority, or substantial minority of those who call themselves pro-choice agree.

“The Americans people have spoken clearly on their desire for abortion restrictions, less taxpayer funding of it, and common sense regulations on this industry to protect women’s health,” said Knights of Columbus CEO Carl Anderson. “Our courts, politicians, candidates and parties should heed this consensus.”

“The majority of Americans in favor of abortion restrictions has been consistently around 8 in 10 for the better part of a decade,” said Barbara Carvalho, director of the Marist Poll. “Though self-identification as pro-life or pro-choice can vary substantially from year to year, the support for restrictions is quite stable.”

Among the key findings:

Though 51 percent of Americans say they are pro-choice, about 8 in 10 Americans support substantial restrictions on abortion (78 percent), and would limit it to, at most, the first three months of pregnancy. This number includes 62 percent of those who identify as pro-choice, 85 percent of African Americans and 84 percent of Latinos.

Taxpayer funding for abortion is opposed by 62 percent of Americans. This includes 65 percent of African Americans, 61 percent of Latinos, and 45 percent of those who say they are pro-choice, as well as 84 percent of Republicans, 61 percent of Independents and 44 percent of Democrats.

Concerning the recent Supreme Court decision, Nearly 8 in 10 Americans (78 percent) want abortion clinics to be held to the same standards as other outpatient surgery centers. This includes 77 percent of African Americans and 82 percent of Latinos, as well as 77 percent of women, and 84 percent of millennials. About three quarters of those who identify as pro-choice (74 percent) agree, as do strong majorities regardless of party affiliation.

In addition, 70 percent of Americans want doctors who perform abortions to be required to have hospital admitting privileges. This includes 71 percent of women, 77 percent of millennials, and 78 percent of Latinos, Pro-life and pro-choice adherents are also equally likely to support such a requirement at a rate of 7 in 10 for each group (71 percent).

And by almost 20 points, a majority of Americans (56 percent to 37 percent) do not believe that healthcare providers should be forced to perform abortions against their conscience or religious beliefs. This includes 6 in 10 Latinos (61 percent) and 4 in 10 who identify as pro-choice (41 percent).

The survey of 1,009 adults was conducted July 5-12, 2016, by the Marist Institute for Public Opinion and sponsored by the Knights of Columbus. Adults 18 years of age and older residing in the continental United States were interviewed on either landline or mobile phones in English using live interviewers. Results for adults are statistically significant within ±3.1 percentage points. The error margin increases for cross-tabulations.
http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/new-k-of-c-marist-poll-finds-americans-strongly-support-abortion-restrictions-300303062.html
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Media can’t figure out that social and health costs exceed tax benefits – Duh!

Jul 26, 2016 09:26 am

marijuana growingEditorial: Numbers on cannabis speak for themselves
NZ Herald 23 July 2016
Family First Comment: So let’s get this straight – the tax benefits might be $500m. But the social costs of drug-related harms and addiction (and of course increased levels of these because of increased use when legalised) are a significant portion of $1.8b. But the media still can’t figure out why the government is (correctly) saying Nope to Dope!
READ MORE: http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=11679693

Legal cannabis could collect $150 million a year but Bill English isn’t pursuing it
Stuff co.nz 23 July 2016
READ MORE: http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/politics/82292722/government-could-collect-150-million-annually-legalising-cannabis-but-bill-english-isnt-pursuing-it

The advocates of decriminalising cannabis now have an economic case to press. A Treasury official, in a document prepared for a brainstorming session, suggested the Government could save more than $500 million a year legalising the popular drug.

The report, intended for internal use but seemingly based on robust calculations, suggested tax from a legal cannabis industry could be worth $150m, with annual savings of $400m from lower policing costs.

BUT…….

Despite these trends, there would seem to be limited political appetite for New Zealand to open the kind of recreational dope shop found in Colorado, Washington and Oregon. There is good evidence to support this cautious approach.

The New Zealand Drug Harm Index, compiled by the Ministry of Health, estimates the social cost of drug-related harms and intervention costs in 2014/15 as $1.8b. Cannabis contributes to this cost, given that the most recent survey found 11 per cent of adults over 15 reported using the drug in 2012/13.

Users report harmful impacts on work and study. A minority have noted learning problems, and some consumers acknowledge the drug has a harmful effect on their mental health.

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