Re-write that script
I know several fourth children, and here’s something many have mentioned: few photos exist of their baby days.
It makes sense. Mom and Dad are worn out caring for three other kids. With the first child, you have time to snap photos of their cuteness. You have the energy to make a beautiful baby book while the little one sleeps. When you’ve got four, nap time is consumed by grabbing a snack for the 5-year-old, helping the 3-year-old go potty, and checking if the 7-year-old’s homework actually made it in the backpack.
These lack-of-photo tales are told with humor, but they’re rued all the same. They stuck in my mind as I welcomed my fourth child this past month (a bouncy baby boy. All is well! You can read the account of his
unanticipated and lightning fast arrival here).
I don’t want him to look back and say there was nothing commemorating his babyhood. So we made a conscious decision to rewrite this script. We’re taking photos. Lots of photos. When he was 9 days old, we did a formal photo shoot with the whole family, something we’d never actually done when any of the other kids were newborns. (Thanks to
Yana Shellman Photography for the great shots!). I’ve been writing in my journal daily, doing an hour-by-hour recap of these first few weeks. I am also commissioning a baby scrapbook from
The Papercraft Lab this spring. Sure, Shutterfly photo books are great, but this kid gets an original work of art!
To be sure, other fourth kid stereotypes are still true for us. My baby doesn’t have his own bedroom and probably won’t for years. My husband and I decided on his name in the hospital. He spends a lot of time in his various seats while the household buzzes around him. But at least he won’t be able to complain that we neglected to document his arrival to the family. Whatever else we’ve neglected to do, we haven’t forgotten that.
There’s a larger point here on choosing to do things differently. We go through life reading many scripts that wind up in front of us. “Fourth kids don’t get baby photos” is one. There are others. Maybe you recognize some of these: “When you’re a parent, you can’t make time to exercise.” “A marriage just naturally becomes boring over the years.” “No one who works the hours I do can volunteer at her kid’s school.”
Sure, some of these scripts are easy to follow. But
we all hold the big red pencil in our lives. If we want a different script, we have the power to write it.
(Tweet this.)
So if you find yourself living some well-worn trope, pause and recognize it for what it is.
Ask yourself: is this the reality I want? What actions would allow this to play out differently? Life is big enough to contain all sorts of things, and even the busiest person can take a few minutes to choose an upcoming school event, email the person in charge, ask to be part of it, and block it into the calendar. Even the busiest couple can seize some of their 168 hours to interact as lovers, not just co-parents hashing out household administrative details. A marathon might not fit in your life (though it could!) but a 20-minute walk certainly can.
And I, with my four little ones, can take a few minutes to schedule time with a photographer, and jot down my memories of these days. Soon, we have a different script -- or at least a lot of photos of a really cute kid.
All the best,
Laura