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Welcome CKS Folks!
This email is especially for you.
Hi <<First Name>>,
Thank you so much for listening in to the coaching call Jeff had me on last Friday. As promised, and in case you didn't download it yet, click here for the Praise for Change summary hand-out we discussed.
I hope you enjoy it!
- And please, let me know what you think!
I mean it - you can reply to any email that I send you, and it will go straight to my personal inbox. I read every email that comes through, and reply to them all within 24-48 hours.
So come on, try me! :)
Here's to your successful changes from praising!
~Michael Harris
www.FASDElephant.com
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Praise For Change
Lesson One: How To Give Praise
You guys are the first to get the lessons in this format. I suggest watching the video first, then reading over the summary notes below.
"Go neutral and focus on the benefits to the kid..."
Why Do We Praise?
- Share and connect to deepen the relationship,
- Increase or build self-esteem, and
- Reinforce a preferred behavior for success and self-reliance
What Do We Praise: GO NEUTRAL
Example 1: Instead of saying, "Hey! That's a great drawing of a dinosaur!" say "You drew a dinosaur..."
Example 2: Instead of saying, "Hey! You finally picked up your room. Terrific!" say "You put your laundry in the hamper..."
It takes the pressure off because it's a fact rather than an opinion, which is easier to argue with as to whether it's good or not. Keeping it neutral lets you keep the conversation going, or at least not derail it.
If your kid has had trouble accepting praise, at first just notice little things that s/he is doing that is either neutral or slightly positive. This does not have to be big. In fact, it should start off pretty small.
How Do We Praise: Linking Good Behavior With A Benefit To The Kid
What does the kid get from the behavior you want to praise?
I know, it makes things sound self-centered and like you're giving in to the kid. But consider his/her dysmaturity.... How old is the kid emotionally?
Probably half the chronological age, right? And at that emotional age, kids are more self-centered, so you got to start there.
Find a benefit to the kid that has nothing to do with you or adult expectations, and link it to the behavior you want to praise.
Here's how you'd do it for the two examples above.
Example 1: Instead of saying, "You drew a dinosaur... you're teacher will be so proud!" say "You drew a dinosaur... Now you can get credit for finishing your lesson."
Example 2: Instead of saying, "You put your laundry in the hamper... now I can find your clothes to wash." say "You put your laundry in the hamper... Now you have more room to play in your room."
Can you hear the difference in each example?
Your Mission, If You Choose
Try this new praise format once or twice later in the day, and notice what happens. Email me your results, or post them on YouTube under the video.
Until Email #2, have fun with praise!
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