Vulnerability & Strength
     by Jenny Tokheim (G42 Alumnus—Summer 2013)

The first week of 2015 marks two years since I first arrived in Mijas, Spain, and that anniversary brought me to a place of reflecting on what life with our crazy God has taught me since I have left.


Soon after graduating from G42, I set out for Memphis, Tennessee, starry-eyed, and to be quite honest, a bit naive. I was a young adventurer full of hope, and I gave little thought to the challenge of what lay ahead. I was as prepared as I could have been, but quite untested. The testing appeared, though.  [It seems to follow commitment.] It forced me to decide what I was about and why. It forced me to apply the lessons I had learned and started to live in at G42: choosing forgiveness, staying at the table, being self-sufficient in Christ, living above the fog—all of those principles became very real, everyday truths to live in on the inside and breathe into the outside in my daily interactions. Through all of that application, and the circumstances that accompanied it, I learned a thing or two about what I am made of. I tested and learned my own strength, as a woman and also as a leader [and as both together].  And let me tell you, I’m pretty strong. 

Capable? –Gotcha covered. Believing against all circumstances? –Yup, I can do that.  The hard work of investment? –I’m there. 

2014 was a year of learning about the strength He has given me. I knew it was there all along, but I am not sure I believed it for myself. The lessons of 2014 showed me some of the reasons the Father trusts me. 

As we start 2015, though, I’m embarking on a learning-journey of a different kind with a new kind of strength to lean into: Vulnerability. This ugly and beautiful word is, quite honestly, uncomfortable. It seems like the opposite of capable and strong, but, I have found it to be the kind of characteristic that cultivates the most meaningful, deep relationships. In as much as I have grown in taking responsibility and action sooner, rather than later, I’m often late to voice these equally important sentiments: 

“Today I really need…”  “I feel inadequate for…” “This is something I’m scared of right now…”

It’s funny how these statements of vulnerability—of perceived weakness—are really powerful connectors between people. If I’m always capable, I leave no room for my teammates and friends to lean in and offer their strengths and voices in my life. So I suppose you could say my New Year’s resolution this year is vulnerability. It includes expressing need, advocating for, and voicing those parts of myself that aren’t yet fully grown and capable. We all have them. Most of us would just rather not acknowledge those less-than-formed parts of ourselves. That’s where the strength comes in. It takes just as much courage to stand up and take charge as it does to shut up and listen to advice. It takes just as much strength and ownership to speak life into another human being as it does to express that you need to be reminded of life-giving truth. Vulnerability and strength seem to be two sides of the same coin, all wrapped up in relationship. We need both. Listen to this from researcher-storyteller, Brené Brown: “We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering of trust, respect, kindness, and affection.” Living in courageous vulnerability makes me a better woman, a better friend, and a better leader. It frees me up to figure out the hard stuff, and it releases the people around me to do the same. 

2015 is about putting the pieces of vulnerability and strength together. It’s about living in the tension-filled both/and and finding freedom in the midst of being and becoming Jenny Christ. It’s both a daring adventure and a quiet introspection. It’s a choice that invites His change in the very middle of me. 

Then Christmas morning came. I was driving before the rest of the family woke, before the sun rose, before intentionally observing Christ’s incarnation. I sat in a grocery store parking lot with a cup of coffee in hand, seeking the peace that only God provides. The wintry, overcast weather had relented for a day, and I saw one of the most beautiful sunrises that morning. 

Standing alone in this parking lot, I breathed in deeply for the first time in months as blues, pinks, yellows, and oranges danced across the sky.

As if the world was celebrating the promise of Christ.

I danced at the joy of Jesus, the joy of life, the joy of breathing in the depth of His love. After a few months that took far more from me than I realized I had, I was able to release all that had happened and receive that which the Father has for me. I realized the promises of God remain true regardless of who we are, what we do, or how we respond to situations.

Just how God was faithful to give Abraham and Sarah a child, He is faithful to walk with us day to day. Just as God was merciful to save Lot and his daughters from Sodom and Gomorrah, He is merciful to only give us that which we can handle with His outstretched hand holding ours. And just as Jesus was loving to eat dinner with sinners and tax-collectors, He is loving to fill our hearts with divine adoration towards us.

As life continues into 2015, I pray that the promises of God remain at the forefront of our lives. May we be a people who trust deeply in the God who causes the world to spin, while at the same time remaining steadfast in His character and our identity based upon His eternal promises.

I can relate with the many of you who were challenged, grew, and loved while at G42. I  attended G42 from April – September 2012.  Yet, much of my time outside of the usual agenda was spent planning and preparing for a long-term mission trip to South Sudan.

My team was trying to go on our trip through AIM (Adventures in Missions), and the leadership placed the little bit I had raised into a larger account after the trip was cancelled.  I decided to continue on as if I had gotten back from South Sudan, and I started searching and applying for Health and PE jobs in the state of Georgia.  I see myself being in a position of a positive influence for kids in America specifically as an Elementary PE teacher.  I started substitute teaching in my local schools, volunteering at the local Boys and Girls Club, teaching tennis, and more to build up my resume and experience in the field of teaching.  

After 2 years of applying to an estimated 100-150 jobs (I didn’t keep count), I still have yet to find a full-time PE teaching position.  Disheartening is one of many words that could describe it.  I have questioned many times why I tried to go to South Sudan. I feel like I let my supporters down, even though they assured me it was okay. On top of that, there’s the difficult in finding community. I view it as a desert time of life.

I was able to save enough money to go to Ukraine (with the Harders) and Spain (reunion) this summer.  While in Ukraine, I applied to an opportunity of Passport leading with AIM.  Surprisingly I was accepted in a few days!  Finally! Something after almost 2 years of nothing!  The trip cost $1,800, and I informed AIM how the money I raised years back for South Sudan was put in another account. They cautioned me that they may not be able to access these old funds. A few days later while I was on the balcony at Mijouse, I received an email saying “We have found your old funds, and your trip is now completely paid for”! Come on Jesus! HA!

I started to reply back, but I froze.  While thinking of what to type, all of the memories and difficulties of the past season came flooding back like tsunami.  I vividly remember a friend of mine who doesn’t have a big time job telling me “we donated with what we can, and we believe in you”.  I was so overwhelmed that I couldn’t help but start Thanking God!  I was what southern folks call “a mess” for a good hour.  I finally grasped and could understand how so many people truly believed in me.  I guess I have heard it so much, and I brush those words off so easily in the past.  I believe it’s another lie from the Enemy for me to not realize from another viewpoint how truly and tangibly God loves me.

I was on a “spiritual high” for sure, but the “happily ever after”  doesn’t last very long in our World.  It’s still an every day fight of choosing joy…or no joy.  The Passport trip was great and difficult all in one, and I am absolutely grateful for the lessons I have learned from going.

So, for all of you wherever you are in your journey— whether you are at the beginning, in the middle, the desert, the “no one understands me time”, the highs, the planning or recalibrating, the unknowing, or the times you feel you flat out failed—  I speak on behalf of all that we, the G42 Tribe, believe in You.  No matter how many times you feel like you’ve messed up.  What’s even better is that He still and always believes in you.

Humble Beginnings
     by Nate Evans (Staff @ G42U // G42 Alumnus—Winter 2011)

“¹⁰ Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin…” says Zechariah 4:10. Working to see our Christian Gap Year Program, G42U, become a reality has been quite a journey. It has taken a lot of work, trial and error, prayer and determination.


 A month before our launch in fall of 2014, we had three students signed up and then on our opening day we had six! Then as we worked our way through growing pains of our first semester, we saw God bless our heart and intentions to see these students grow.  This is what different students said about their first term at G42U. ‘That is the first time I’ve experienced God’s love’.  ‘You guys fought for me like God fights for me. I’ll never forget that.’ ‘Before coming here I was struggling with depression and on medication. Now I am a completely new person!’ ‘My foundations and viewpoint of life have been completely changed’.  When you hear those kinds of things, everything else becomes worth it.

If you would like to help with what we are doing here at G42U, there are many ways you can get involved. Help us spread the word by sharing about us with family and friends. Our website is www.G42U.com, and we are on Facebook as well. Donations are also blessing as we do not receive a salary, and there are a lot of needs we have as an organization. Lastly, consider coming on staff or living in the community to help keep G42U going. And come for a visit!