"It wasn't a pretty sight. Half his brain was hanging out.”
— Sydney Siege victim Marcia Mikhael, on her final impression of Man Haron Monis
Home | Libspill averted
THE GIST. Tony Abbott is still the PM, after the leadership 'spill' motion was defeated yesterday by 61 votes to 39. Finance Minister Matthias Cormann could barely contain his elation, saying "The result is what it is."
IN MOTION. The motion was moved by two Liberal backbenchers, Luke Simpkins and Don Randall. Simpkins justified the move by saying "people have stopped listening to the Prime Minister and they've made up their minds about him."
TURNBULLISH. So, what brought on the spill? Trade Minister Andrew Robb reckons it was a pre-planned "ambush." Cory Bernadi was more specific, accusing cabinet members of trying to force the spill on behalf of Malcolm Turnbull, former leader and current Communications Minister. Opposition leader Bill Shorten (who apparently does, in fact, have a pulse) was playing up the awkward cabinet-dynamics in Question Time, accusing the Turnbull of wanting to "blow the prime minister from his seat."
VICTORY...? Despite leaving with the 'W', Tones reportedly described the ordeal as a "near death experience." He has reportedly been pleading with his colleagues for unity, and has made various other promises too, like letting Ministers hire their own staff (gasp). I can change!
Abroad | Measles outbreaks
THE GIST. The measles outbreak in America has now spread to child-care centres in Chicago. More than 100 people have been infected over the past few weeks.
GROUND ZERO. The current outbreak has been traced to an unvaccinated woman who visited a California Disneyland in December, infecting several people there. 94 of the cases can be directly traced to that one person, and the outbreak has since spread to 14 different states.
THE BUG. Vaccinations for measles were introduced in the 1950s, and the US government declared the disease "eliminated" back in 2000. It's on the rise, though - the Centre for Disease Control recorded 664 cases last year, up from the usual yearly count of about 100.
VAX ON, VAX OFF. The rise in cases of Measles (and other preventable diseases) is concurrent with the growth of the anti-vaccination crowd - a 'movement' whose views are based on a long-discredited piece of non-research linking vaccines with autism in children, and who are engaged in an ongoing debate with actual scientists and non-stupid people on the safety of vaccinations. In this latest round, Barack Obama himself has gotten involved, going on TV to say that the science in favour of vaccinating is "indisputable."
Small-talk
Social murder. An American teenager has been charged with the murder of his classmate, after authorities discovered that he had taken a selfie with the victim's body and posted it to Snapchat. District Attorney John Peck said the selfie was a "key piece of evidence that led investigators to the defendant." You don't say.
Love-indian. A conservative Hindu organisation in India is threatening to forcibly marry anybody who expresses love over social media on Valentine's day. The organisation, called the Hindu Mahasabha, says celebrating the day is "not following Indian traditions", and that anybody displaying love "will be caught hold of."
Kinky crime. 28 inmates of a women's prison in Brazil have escaped, after two guards were incapacitated by several women in 'sexy police' outfits. The temptresses turned up at the jail at 3am, convinced the guards to leave their posts, drugged them with spiked whiskey and then freed the prisoners from their cells. The guards have been reprimanded for thinking with their nightsticks.
The word
Pyrrhic victory. Noun. A victory so costly that it amounts to defeat anyway: Tony Abbott will be hoping that yesterday's vote was not a pyrrhic victory.
And that's The Gist.
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