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17 February 2015
“The blood-soaked conspiracy of Valentine's day, driven by the oppressive chocolate capitalists, has arrived once again”

— Japanese activist group, The Revolutionary Alliance of Men that Women Find Unattrative, smashing the tyranny of bourgeois romance

Home | Hancock hold-up

THE GIST. Gina Rinhart is going to sue Channel Nine for broadcasting the miniseries House of Hancock, which chronicles the Hancock mining dynasty's various business triumphs and familial dramas.

THE CLAIM. Rinehart's lawyer said that the second episode had errors that were "twisted" and cast doubt on her "sanity, soundness of mind or acumen." He didn't say anything about the facts which achieved the same result. 

EXPLOSIVE EXTRACTION. The likely legal action from Rinehart comes despite the fact that she reached an agreement with Channel Nine on the weekend to remove some of the more embarrassing parts from the second episode, after a judge ruled that they could potentially defame Ms Rinehart - meaning it is still possible to harm her reputation. Not quite at 'rock-bottom', after all.

LAST WORD. The show's producer claims it was based on "exhaustive research", while Rinehart's legal team says that the miniseries was full of "falsehoods" and is "almost entirely fiction." Unfortunately for Rinehart, her legal action has had the unintended consequence of giving Houses of Hancock precisely the kind of exposure she was trying to avoid. Iron(ore)ic. 

Abroad | Denmark terror attacks

THE GIST. Danish police have killed the man they believe to be responsible for two shooting attacks in Copenhagen, which killed two people and injured five others.

THE ATTACKS. In the first attack, the gunman fired indiscriminately into a cafe at which a debate on freedom of speech was being held, and at which a Swedish artist who had previously caricatured the Prophet Muhammad was speaking. Later that night the perpetrator shot at a synagogue, killing a security guard. The police tracked him down shortly after, and killed him in a firefight.

FAMILIAR FEEL. Danish spy chief Jens Madsen said the shootings seemed to be inspired by last month's Paris attacks on satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo. French President Francois Hollande said "Denmark and France are the same nations, feeling the same sadness...they hit what we are, what we represent, the values of freedom."

Small-talk

Hedged in. Moazzam Malik, a New York hedge fund manager, has been arrested for stealing US $850,000 from investors. He went to extraordinary lengths to avoid paying back peoples' money, like faking his death and comparing himself to an angry werewolf in an attempt at intimidation. Malik failed to realise two things: 1) werewolves don't scare anybody in the post-Twilight era, and 2) being a cartoonish banker-supervillain hasn't been cool since 2007.

Drone laws. America's Federal Aviation Authority has proposed some rules for commercial 'drone' use, like keeping them below an altitude of 500 feet, and slower than 160 kph. No fair, says Amazon, because the rules won't allow them to operate their new drone-delivery system, 'Prime Air', in the United States.

Greyhound busted. The ABC has revealed shocking allegations that people in the greyhound racing industry have been engaging in the illegal practice of training dogs by having them chase live animals. Industry analysts are worried that the wholesome, family-friendly reputation of the sport is in serious jeopardy.

The word

Diminishing returns.
Noun (Economics). When a resource becomes less productive, the more you use it:
Tony Abbott's crackdowns on national security seem to be subject to diminishing returns. Seriously Tones, that well is going to run dry eventually.
And that's the Gist. 
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