I survived the worst month of 2017: January

So here we are. I figured before things got too far along into the new worst month of 2017, we should recap the waking nightmare that was January 2017 for posterity. Usually, I like to revisit my resolutions of the past year to see how I did with them, but 2016 doesn't matter now that we're living in The Final Year. 

How's everyone sleeping? I'm sleeping too much. I stay up too late. It's a lot of effort every day to make sure I eat three meals and that they aren't, like, just the same meal three times in a row. I'm bathing...less frequently than is probably warranted, but it's winter so I don't think anyone's noticing. I'm not making it out to all the social events in my calendar. I go to protests and run into friends there, so that's a form of socializing. I call my senators and leave voicemails, and it's like talking to people. I see my therapist and she tells me I'm depressed but it's a valid reaction to reality. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I've been using onecall.today to do my Issue Calling, and I've found that helpful since I have to do literally no work in order for the activism to happen. I've continued going to acupuncture, which continues to help my body process stress and keep my parasympathetic nervous system somewhere within the realm of normal. Every once in a while I go to a yoga class and irritatingly, it helps. I talk to and kiss my cats a lot. 

The biggest realization has been that I don't have to have a picture for what life is going to look like in order to stay alive -- which is good because I don't have one anymore. I used to not understand my friends who'd say "I don't plan to live to see 40" but I found myself becoming that person overnight. I woke up after the election and got rid of all my clothes that aren't black because (and I know how this sounds) I didn't understand how to wear color anymore. People try to talk to me about midterm elections, or the next presidential elections, and I want to preface all those thoughts with, "well, I guess assuming we *have* a government in two years or four years..." Everything feels so uncertain to me. But I've finally come around to accepting that I have to live with that uncertainty, and a very negative uncertainty at that, for the foreseeable future. And I don't really have to keep trying to look very far ahead, I just have to get through the day as best I can, and that's where my energies are getting taken up right now.

I show up as best I can each day for myself and, when I have the energy, my community. I survived and continue to survive.

Hope to see you next month.