Overheard At The Store »»
COLBY: Oh, good morning, Bob. I didn’t recognize you without your . . . without all that hair.
BOB: What about my hair?
COLBY: It looks . . . uh, it looks nice.
BOB: I can feel the wind on my ears. I don’t like it. And this . . . this, what do you call it? This product. It’s like moose blubber. Why do you put moose blubber in your hair?
COLBY: So your hair keeps its shape. I use some myself. Well, not moose blubber. That smells bad.
BOB: It’s natural, at least. This goop is all petrochemicals and cationic polymers.
COLBY: I don’t even know what those things are.
BOB: It’s all that is going to be left after humanity vanishes.
COLBY: You’re a bit dour today, and I don’t entirely understand why. You look good. That haircut is a nice change. And look at your beard and mustache! So regal. You look like a fine European gentleman.
BOB: Do you really think so?
COLBY: I do.
BOB: I’m not sure why anyone would name a haircut after me—and the stylist said she modified it slightly, doing some undercut pixie—I don’t even understand what she was talking about. But this—this is what you get, I guess.
COLBY: It looks good.
BOB: Yeah, well. It’ll grow out soon enough.
COLBY: That would be a shame.
BOB: Whatever, marmot. I didn’t get my hair cut for you.
COLBY: Of course not. Why would you?
BOB: I’m not trying to impress anyone. I don’t need anyone. I’m just—look, did that book I ordered come in?
COLBY: The Stranger in the Woods?
BOB: I’m not some stranger.
COLBY: No, no. It’s an actual book. It’s about a guy who went off into the woods and . . . uh, never mind. That wasn’t the one you ordered, was it?
BOB: NO. I don’t need some lurid deconstruction of what it’s like to live a life free from all the iron shackles of—
FERDIE: Oh, hello there. It’s nice to see a new face in the store.
BOB: IT’S NOT A NEW FACE. IT’S THE SAME FACE I HAD LAST WEEK. IT’S ALL THIS [redacted] GEL.
FERDIE: . . .
COLBY: I’ll check the shelves for that book you ordered, sir.
FERDIE: Oh, Bob! It’s you. I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you. Is that a new jacket?
BOB: I GOT MY [redacted] HAIR CUT! THAT’S IT. THAT’S THE ONLY THING THAT IS DIFFERENT ABOUT ME. AND I’M [redacted] SORRY I DID IT NOW, OKAY?
FERDIE: Oh, oh, oh! You don’t have to shout. Oh, my!
[sound of fleeing footsteps]
COLBY: I, uh, found your book, Bob. Brené Brown’s Daring Greatly.
BOB: Uh, yeah. that’s the one. It’s, uh, for a friend.
COLBY: Of course. It’s a nice gift.
BOB: Yeah, well. Whatever.
COBLY: I think you upset Ferdie.
BOB: She should pay better attention to her customers. I’m not that different.
COLBY: You’re a little different.
BOB: Not enough yet, apparently.
COLBY: Bob . . . these things take time.
BOB: Just put the damn book in a bag already, marmot.