Conroy Update: The Blessedness of Possessing Nothing

The Blessedness of Possessing Nothing

A Short Update:
The last year has been interesting, buying a house in Camden seemed so easy. "Sell our house and raise £150k" no problem, God can do that. I'm (Matt) very good at having and idea and rushing after it, especially if it aligns with What Jesus would do or at least doesn't go against what Jesus would do.

Last year if you asked me what does it mean to be fully committed and integrated in a community meant I would have said "must own a house and be be there a long time." All owning a house really does is create the illusion of community; owning or renting really makes no difference to the impact I'm able to have on that community. Let's remember, pretty much everyone in the community we work with also rents.

The reality of selling a house, raising £150k and timing it all with always having a bed to sleep in is actually quite hard believe it or not, not impossible, but hard. The other hard reality is we still don't know where we will be after 5 years. What we have questioned of ourselves and learned, is that we would like to have family one day (whatever that looks like) and that we want to be wise in making decisions towards our future, and leave room to hear God when He wants to talk to us about it.

Having more time to listen and allowing God to speak to us over the past few weeks has led us to decide that selling our house and buying in Camden isn't for now.

The Longer Story

About a week ago Matt and I were talking in the car and it dawned on us that we both felt uncomfortable with the situation we had in our lap. The house wasn't selling, (we were likely to be settling for a 10k loss if we insisted on selling it now) and we had only one potential offer of the table of money towards a new purchase in Camden. Our once raring to go hearts were suddenly stilled and we asked the question "are we doing the right thing? Is this a closed door from God or an opportunity for perseverance?"

If God was telling us to stop, why didn't He say months ago; before we decided to sell the house? We spent last week praying and seeking Gods heart. I saw a good and wise friend at my home church (Heather) and she said to me "God called you to give up everything and move to Camden and you did it. You gave him everything including your house. But maybe that's all he wanted - to know where your heart was". This instantly brought the story of Abraham and Isaac to my mind and I wondered about the story all the way home, about how God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on the mountain, and Abrahams obedience in following through. Why did God wait until the last moment to stop it all? This story really resonated in my heart.

We had bible study that night and I asked if we could study the passage, Genesis 22. Our friend Sian said that had been her devotional passage just yesterday and shared her learning about how the story points to exposing Abrahams heart. Abraham could have heard Gods voice
and just done it - just put his blinkers on for concentration and marched up that hill and
killed his son - but Abraham kept listening, kept his heart open for the possibility that God
may say something else. Wow.

I was reminded of something Tozer wrote in his book 'The Pursuit of God', he said:

"There is within the human heart a tough fibrous root of fallen life whose nature is to possess, always to possess. It covets "things" with a deep and fierce passion...Things have become necessary to us, a development never originally intended. God's gifts now take the place of God, and the whole course of nature is upset by the monstrous substitution.

He goes onto talk about the story of Abraham and Isaac, about how Abraham had
everything - a wife, wealth, land, produce... But God wasn't interested in those things, Abraham would probably have given them up willingly to God. But Abraham's prize possession was his son Isaac - now he would be harder to give up. God tells Abraham to sacrifice his only son Isaac, his love.
Incredibly, he goes through with it.

God let the suffering old man go through with it up to the point where He knew there would be no retreat, and then forbade him to lay a hand upon the boy. To the wondering patriarch He now says in effect, "It's all right, Abraham. I never intended that you should actually slay the lad. I only wanted to remove him from the temple of your heart that I might reign unchallenged there. I wanted to correct the perversion that existed in your love.

Now he [Abraham] was a man wholly surrendered, a man utterly obedient, a man who possessed nothing. He had concentrated his all in the person of his dear son, and God had taken it from him. God could have begun out on the margin of Abraham's life and worked inward to the center; He chose rather to cut quickly to the heart and have it over in one sharp act of separation...It hurt cruelly, but it was effective...He had everything, but he possessed nothing.

I want to be someone who possesses nothing. I want God at the centre of my heart but more importantly my world. Not a house, not a clever plan to win people's hearts over, not a resource that will change a community, not the obsession with doing "the right thing". It might make sense to you that if I really wanted to be someone who ‘possesses nothing’... we should have sold our house!? But my wonder is if we were beginning to make owning a flat on an estate our possession. Something that belonged to us, that was our right, that we were putting on a pedestal. The actions of following God, were replacing relationship with Him.

It might seem crazy and impulsive to you, but, we know there is a plan much bigger than ours; and we have gladly given up our plan in search of His.

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