When we think about our homes they are places to rest, live, love and feel safe in. They also become the place where our experiences and values are reflected by the items we place in them. We store memories by emotionally attaching a feeling to objects, such as the teaspoon collection representing someone’s travels, children’s elementary school art taped to walls or an old rocking chair from a grandparent’s home. They are all reflections of our lives but what happens when there is an inability to appropriately judge when these collectibles become consuming clutter?
Its not uncommon for people to tie too much emotional attachment to objects that they let it take over their lives. Last month we spoke about people who hoard but
where is that line crossed when a couple in the same house have different emotional attachments to objects?
A question by one of my readers asked about this very situation.
Their spouse refuses to clean up the collection and clutter so they are feeling challenged by not being supported in wanting to finally tackle the consuming clutter in their house. She desperately wants to hire SOS to come in and provide the resources to help her clean but her spouse will have anything to do with it. If this situation sounds familiar it may be time to identify what is driving the decisions about the quality of your life.
Studies have shown over and over again that excessive clutter can cause undo stress in people when their environment is overwhelming and unmanageable. It can contribute to emotional and physical health issues.
How can you create a better home environment when there is a partner who refuses to address the clutter that is creating the stress for the other person?
Here are a few recommendations to help.
- Honour the other person’s feelings about their attachments.
It is important to remember each individual stores their memories and experience differently. What may seem like an insignificant paper napkin could mean something totally different for the other person as it represents the time of a significant event. Before throwing anything out ask the person about the significant of objects.
- Acknowledge memories don’t fade even if an object is gone.
At times people rely too much on an object to keep the memory alive of an experience or event. The truth is they have projected more attachment to the object than the experience of being present for it and storing the memory as such. Keeping an item from the old house you grew up in and hanging on too may serve as more important that fact that it’s the memories of living in the house can be enough.
- Emotional attachments can keep people stuck in life.
If the only time they have significant emotional experiences that are tied to an item they may refuse to let-go for fear they wont have the same depth of that kind of emotion with out it. This can become harmful to relationships if it leaves little room for new experiences, emotions and events in life to be significant. Keeping your grown child’s room filled with their school items long after they have moved out may actually be taking away from new joys that may be experienced in that space if it could be turned into an activity room for a hobby or new business.
So what to do when someone else’s attachment is keeping clutter in your living space?
Tell the truth. Its important for people to be able to share how the clutter makes them feel in their home. If it makes you anxious, stressed or depressed because you do not feel comfortable having family and friends around then its time to get honest. Inter-personal interaction contributes greatly to the well-being of people.
Get help from someone who is objective. Professional Organizers are experienced in helping people understand that clutter isn’t about an accumulation of mess
only. They helps people realize the emotional attachments and how to release the overwhelm by being more selective with what to keep and why to keep things.
Get present. If your lives are so full with stuff its hard to create new experience or participate in life events then this is an issue. Change can be scary however it’s a part of life and letting go of clutter can open the door to inviting new opportunities into your life and family.
Don’t do it alone. Again, we are stressing the importance of hiring a Professional Organizer as their expertise can lend to creating a plan, delegating actions, and having access to resources.
Ranka runs a very successful company called S.O.S. – Solutions Organizing Simple which offers organization services. She has authored two e-books called, “Don’t Agonize, Organize!” and “What’s the Price of YOUR Procrastination” and as well, published over 30 national and international articles on organizing, downsizing and how to live a more productive and happy life. Her expertise has been seen in the Globe and Mail and Ladies Home Journal and she has appeared on local television stations like Joy TV and Immigrant TV. Ranka has literally helped hundreds of people for over a decade now organizing their homes, offices, classrooms and lives. From simple closet clutter to full on hoarding situations, Ranka deals with her clients with complete respect, compassion, integrity and kindness. Her background and life experiences help her to have empathy for the challenges her clients face and her greatest reward is their satisfaction as she helps people change their bad habits and develop new attitudes and systems to better manage their world. As Ranka has said, “I believe that all outer success comes from having an organized mind and an organized home is the cornerstone to creating that success.”
