Sunday Kind of Love #52
Sharp Truths About Sweet Love
August 14, 2016
I.
Most people live somewhere in between the breakdown and the breakthrough. Between holding on and letting go. That is how the human heart works, always caught in limbo, fastened in between the pain of the past and the anticipation of the future. Embrace this delicate state of being. Do not rush your heart. Do not chastise her. Do not surrender your heart to a mediocre love.
II.
You owe it to yourself to find someone who sees the beauty in your wreckage. You owe it to yourself to wait long and hard for someone who does not want to buy mops and clean up messes, but instead grabs combat boots and hikes through the mud with you.
III.
He will not love you. This is a sharp and sad truth, but it is not the most disastrous one. The most disastrous truth is that you will not know it until it's too late. You will not know it until the water has started to boil and you have handed over approximately one-fourth of your spirit to a man whose core is still fully in tact. You will not know it until you're treading in the deep end, legs shaking, barely able to breathe. You will not know it until you're far gone and undone. Far gone and undone is a dangerous place to be, but it is also a breeding ground for the lessons that stick.
IV.
You will not love him. This is a dull and inconvenient truth, made more challenging by the fact that everyone else will gasp at your non-love for him. They will tell you that you should just give it a shot or "He's such a nice guy" or "Sometimes, people become more attractive after you get to know them." You will want to believe them. You will try to believe them. You will find yourself sitting across from him at a dimly lit restaurant nursing a glass of Pinot Grigio as you summon up the might to love this perfectly good man. But, you will not love him and that is more than fine. Do not punish yourself with what ifs. It is OK not to love a perfectly good man if your heart can't find its rhythm with him.
V.
When you have gone on the first date and are contemplating the second, your friends who have been in relationships for years will tell you that this is the easy part. "Just go on the date," they'll say. But, this is not the easy part. None of this is easy. Whether you are just dipping your toe in or are neck high in that thick and dense love, this is not easy. All matters of the heart test the heart's matter.
VI.
Some foundations have cracks. Do not let social media hoodwink you. Yes, some foundations have cracks and some people spend more time beautifying their happy homes than building them properly. It is an ugly reality to bear witness to, seeing a love that's hoisted on a pedestal while you know it's falling apart at its seams. But, you will see it. It will happen. Sometimes you're an innocent bystander, sometimes you're a listening friend, and sometimes you are the perpetrator who ransacks the house. But, it will happen. Because we are human and humans are prone to making messes.
VII.
You are not waiting for anything. You are not waiting for a perfect love or the end to the story or that thing that sweeps you up and makes your feet worth hitting the floor every morning. You are not waiting. You are here. Do something with that and do something about it.
VIII.
Learn to believe in slow fires more than sparks. Sparks are bright bursts that fade fast. Slow fires never die. This life is not about a 4th of July fireworks show that lights the night sky. Good and long and lasting love is a slow fire that sets your world ablaze.
IX.
There is someone who will meet you on the bridge. There is someone who will love you on forgettable Tuesdays and idle Sundays. There is someone who will love you well, heart and soul, absolutely, come hell or high water. That's the love you deserve. That's the love that is your birthright – the love that is to infinity and beyond. Nothing else will do.
X.
Loving yourself is the hardest part. It is much more than Instagram quotes and self-care tips. It is more than the carefully curated life you painstakingly construct for social media onlookers. Loving yourself is an everyday kind of sport, an unending lesson, ten rounds in the ring with the demons of your past. Loving yourself is a trek alone in the forest. It is staring at your reflection every day through broken mirrors and in fractured light. It is making peace with the devils on your shoulders and the thoughts in your head. Yes, loving yourself is far and away the hardest part. But, when you finally start to figure it out, no other love comes quite close. No other love is more beautiful than that.
Xoxo,
Tyece
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