I am the authority in my life
Dear Friend,

A recent (and still-pregnant) Blissborn student reached out for some help with a family member who expressed some strong doubts about her choices — namely, her choices of hypnosis and natural birth.

In service of the many of you out there who have faced these same challenges, whether in your pregnancy, birth choices, or just life — you know how we love telling you these tools are good for everything — we wanted to share some of the ideas Laura expressed to her.

Congratulations on making up your own mind! That’s not always easy!

If you’ve come up against someone who is challenged about this, it can be a bit shocking, especially if you walk into it not knowing that they will be activated.

The idea I’d like to discuss is authority.

This really relates to the mid-brain in a big way. Remember, the mid-brain, or mammalian brain, holds high everything that is important to other mammals — an easy way to think of it is to remember what’s important to you dog: authority, territory, touch, status, familiarity…and lots more.

Because this hits at a level that is below the adult rational mind, sometimes it’s important to guide your mind a bit in these interactions. You can do this in lots of ways. In this instance, something to think about is that you really get to decide who has authority in your life. You can make a conscious choice about it.

Here’s an example of this (from a past client of mine):
 
A woman's mother was being irrational and mean. The mother was resorting to name calling and cussing, attacking the woman at an identity level. In the best of circumstances, this can be devastating to a person’s self-worth. The woman was absolutely devastated by her mother’s words. She asked herself, “If my own mother thinks these things, why am I even here? If she thinks this about me, I must be completely worthless.” These thoughts had her panicky and depressed.
 
We worked on the idea that in a perfect world, it would be appropriate to have a mother as an authority figure; however, in that moment, her mother didn’t fit into the place of someone to be trusted as an authority in this woman’s life. If she had no authority and wasn’t the final expert on this woman’s worthiness, the woman could let go of the idea that her mother’s words meant anything at all about her or her worthiness.

The woman was able to step back and see everything differently. Her adult rational mind took over, and instead of letting the assumed authority figure dictate the situation, she did it herself. I’ve had clients reassess authority figures and feel completely better immediately.

Who do you give authority to in your life? Have they earned it? What if you took it back? What would you be free to decide?

There are lots of people in the world who could count as somewhat of an authority on lots of situations in your life…but keep in mind, their births were very different situations, their lives are very different situations...and they hold a different understanding of the world. So you can choose how much of an authority they are to you, and then you can let go of any power their thoughts might have. Use it as needed for your own peace of mind.

The second point I’d like to make (which is intricately tied to the first point) is about prioritizing yourself and your needs, and doing this with kindness. Whenever you step outside of the norm, I think it’s important to do it in a way that’s very kind to yourself. This stuff isn’t always easy. Just keep that in mind, and tell yourself things like this (tweak these ideas to make them work for you — find your mantra):
 
    It’s brave to try new things.
    I’m proud of myself for finding my own way.
    I’m willing to take a chance because I have a clear vision of what I’m hoping to achieve, and it’s worth it to me.
    My path is my own.
    I accept my own choices, and that’s enough.
    I am the authority in my life.
    My partner and I are a strong team, and we have each others’ backs.
    We believe in ourselves, our choices and our abilities.
    We are creating the birth we desire.

This is important, because sometimes our priorities include other people’s feelings (which is generally appropriate and part of our social makeup). However, reminding ourselves of where our priorities lie can help keep the most important things at the top of the list! Treating yourself with kindness should always be one of your priorities, too. Because you deserve kindness and respect, always.

Wishing you well on your journeys!

Very warmly,
Shelley, Laura & Rachel