Day 17: Dealing with negative thoughts
Negative thoughts lower our mood and impact our happiness but our brains are often wired this way. We have a predisposition to focus on the negative which makes it easier to go there than being positive. It also means we’ve got to practice and rewire our brains to condition them to think more positively, this takes practice. It's important because our thoughts make our world. What we think becomes what we feel and then how we act, it all begins as a thought.
We can’t avoid negative thoughts as hard as we try but they do impact on our happiness. It’s less about what happens to us (or our negative thoughts about it) and more about our reaction to it (attitude and mind set). Negative experiences teach us things, they are an opportunity to grown and learn. Quite often in our modern world the things we get worried or upset about in the scheme of things are not really big problems. Sometimes stepping back and gaining perspective can highlight this. Is it really worth getting upset over?
If we watched a bad movie we wouldn’t go back and see it again so why do we replay negative thoughts in our head over and over again? What’s the impact of training our brain to think more positively? Research suggests this could go well beyond just feeling happier.
It’s easy to understand that positive thinking makes us happier in the mind but what about the impacts on our health? How does it affect us physically? Research has proved that optimists live longer, are healthier and happier so there really is power in positive thinking. A Dutch study conducted by researchers at Wageningen University and the Leiden University Medical Center found that optimists are 77% less likely to have heart disease than pessimists and a 30 year study by the Mayo Clinic shows a 50% lower risk of death in optimists.
That’s all good news if you’re a glass half full kind of person but what if your glass is half empty, how do you change that? One of the things I learned from Buddhism is applying opponents, it’s noticing when a negative thought arises and applying the opposite thought in your mind to nullify it and change your attitude towards it. This is a way of feeling pleased for someone’s success rather than jealous and feeling compassion for those who lash out at us rather than wanting revenge. Think about how unhappy they must be feeling to behave like that in the first place and how damaging it will be for them and rise above it because we don’t want to end up in the same position. It takes work and isn’t always easy but it makes you a lot more peaceful and leads to a happier life. So the next time you’re feeling jealous about the neighbours new car or reading a lotto winners story, stop for a moment and see if you can replace that feeling with one of being pleased for them. Share in their happiness, it’ll make you a lot happier as well.
Todays challenge is to watch the mind. When we notice a negative thought stop and acknowledge it, without trying to analyse it or being upset for having it in the first place, let it go. If you find this hard or the same thoughts keep coming up trying stepping back to gain perspective. Ask yourself:
Is this really a big problem, will it matter 5 years from now?
What can I learn from this, how will it help me?
What opponent can I apply to make this more positive?
The key is awareness as the first step and the more we tune into what’s going on in our mind the more aware we become. This is the first step because once we notice the thoughts we then have the opportunity to do something about them. Dropping negative thoughts is the first step, practising replacing these with positive ones is the next but at this stage even noticing is a step in the right direction.
