Hey guys.
I haven’t written since the New Year and so much has happened in the world in a relatively short time. I don’t know the answer to mend everything happening at the moment and how divided this country feels.
There’s a lot of fear in the world.
I think talking about fears is interesting at the very least, and perhaps helpful in making us feel less alone. I think I’m going to start asking this on my podcast. Maybe by simply putting our deepest fears out there they would dissipate? Much like how shame can’t exist when it’s shared. Or maybe talking about them is counterproductive? I’m not sure, but either way I’m sharing.
No one asked, but just in case you were curious here are my personal fears.
These are the things I fear of as of today, in no particular order:
Driving behind trucks transporting other cars. Feeling nauseous for an extended period of time. A fishing hook and it pulling out one of my organs. Being pregnant when I don’t want to be. Having a kid and not loving it. Repeating patterns. Crustaceans on whales. Being seen as my true self and not being loved. Getting lost. Unexpectedly losing someone I love. Being cold for a long period of time. My hair getting ruined by something I do to it. My body changing, gaining weight and aging. Admitting that I care about my looks. Skydiving. Regretting a tattoo. The movie The Ring. Not feeling comfortable to be authentic to myself. Scary movie trailers playing as ads on YouTube videos when I’m alone in my apartment at night. Stagnation. Not making great creative work. Making great work and not having people discover it. Never making work that's worth discovering. Having to move home after running out of money. Not having money to live where I want. People I love being mad at me. The world changing in a way that hurts people. But mostly, crustaceans.
There. I said them.
I don’t want to focus on them anymore but they’re out there now.
I want to combat all that negative energy with the opposite. If the opposite of fear is love, I will now share the things I love.
So, here are the things I love as of today, in no particular order:
The smell of things baking. The smell of wheatgrass. Cinnamon and sea salt combined on anything. The Korean Spa. Breakfast. Spooning. The beach. Sea vegetables. Coconut. Pretty bowls of vibrant food. Making up silly games. Being cooked for. Being seen and loved as my authentic self. Someone telling me they’re proud of me and meaning it. When people say my name. Making out. Walking. Listening and recording podcasts. Road trips. Traveling. Long deep conversations. Making people laugh. Hot tea. Relaxing after a productive day. Completing a creative task. When people play with my hair. Hugging. Getting a great idea. Sharing an idea and someone liking it. Pigeon Pose. Collaboration. My friend Amanda’s cookies when they’re warm. Seth Cohen. Hosting parties. Candles. Catch Phrase. Rent (the musical not the payment). New York City. Avocado toast. White twinkle lights. The number twenty-two. Journaling. Early mornings. Witty texting. Green smoothies. A great candid photo of myself looking happy with people I love. Soup. Looking at Instagram after I haven’t in a while. Meditating. Massages. Hawaii. Josh Radnor’s movies. Serendipity. Being warm and cozy. But mostly, when people play with my hair.
Like I said, I don’t have the answers of how to solve the problems of the world, but I’m trying to focus more on the things I love rather than those I fear. While also staying informed and awake to all that's happening in the world. As Ann Freidman reminded us in her newsletter this week we can all take a few actions a week to support causes we’re in support of. If you marched in the Women's March thank you and here’s what Ann wrote about what to do next.
In the meantime, here are some things on the internet that made me smile in the sea of news that made me sad.
Enjoy.
Love you guys,
Katie
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