I've been having low-grade anxiety lately. It manifests through shallow breathing and buzzy paralysis. I'm haunted by the sensation of running in different directions but not getting anywhere. I'm certainly influenced by our shoddy state of State, but from experience I also know that this points to me not being honest with myself.
Often, I'm just uncomfortable with how a piece of work sits. Or, a project is stuck for too long, it's moving but sluggish or doesn't feel alive. Pushing a carcass around is a dreadful feeling.
Hindsight eventually reveals why things aren’t working, but in the moment it can be near-impossible to figure out:
Is this a direction that needs to be ditched as soon as possible? Or do I need to forge ahead just a little while longer? Am I simply tired and need a break? Should I continue working, but tangentially, in a looser, stream-of-consciousness manner until I rise out of imbroglio and am able to smooth the tangle in my head into sense? Or should I switch gears to something completely different instead?
And so on.
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