Issue 51



Waking up is a long process. Some of us take longer than others to wake up; perhaps some of us never do.

Maybe someone we love dies. Or there is an accident or a scary diagnosis. In that moment, suddenly the house of cards we’ve been cautiously building crumbles. We rouse from our casual slumber. Our eyes peel open and we begin to see - really see - a little more of what we failed to see yesterday.

Life deepens.

That’s what I have been feeling over the last two weeks - an intense deepening.

Ellen’s death is a huge blow to me. I won’t go further into my feelings for her or explain why her death was unbearable to me (as it is for everyone who loves her). But I only want to say that the incident has led to me waking up a little more. Underneath the grief I feel a new kind of life that is rising to the surface. In this grief I see a more direct path to a true and deep life. It’s like a new super-express highway has been built, linking my soul to my brain to my heart. I feel intensely connected... to everything.

There were a few things that I’d “figured out” or thought I “really wanted to do” that now seem much less meaningful. On hindsight I’d wanted to do them to inflate my ego or to make the world see me in a better light. In the casualness of my every day life I couldn't see this with much clarity.

I’d forgotten also for a long time why it is so important to create. In the wake of Ellen’s passing I saw how inadequate our usual modes of expression were - instead the people who love her could resort only to art, poetry, songs, photography and film to express their most intense emotions and feelings towards this incredible loss. In an instant people forgot about their emails, their to-do lists, their early retirement plans, their latest purchases. As the ground beneath their feet crumbled, they clutched instead on to what is usually intangible and almost invisible - art.

I was reminded of why we need to continue to write songs make photo books create paintings dream up poetry. Because in our darkest moments these are the the things that will allow our souls to express their deepest colours in all kinds of impossible shades. In a world where the material often triumphs, art will save our lives when we most need it.

So no more skating on the surface of life, of building scaffolding for my ego. Moving on, I understand that I am going to rely a lot less on my intellect and my mind. Instead I will continue to work on being connected to my heart and my soul. I will let this heart-soul connection fuel and guide me towards the projects that I ought to do and that truly excite me. And I know when I embark on these projects, this time it won’t be to bring “meaning” and “joy” into my life, but because they are what I am meant to be doing with my time and talent while I am here on earth.

Thank you for the inspiration all the way to end, my dear Rockmui. We will live on as best as we can and blow this world up with your inimitable Rockmui spirit. You have changed the world into a much better place. May we do the same, in big and small ways.
 

News / updates

1. Join our Facebook group and come say hi. We are a community of like-minded people who are interested in how to live and work more joyfully and meaningfully.

Some inspiring things

1. "Shoplifters" by Hirokazu Kore-eda won the Palme d'Or at Cannes 2018. I saw it last night. Stunning. Heartbreaking.

2. I want to go on a Kumano Kodo pilgrimage.

3. Finding a lot of inspiration in Andrei Tarkovsky's polaroids.

4. Quote to think about: "Be kind. Be kinder than necessary." - Anonymous