Just a reminder, our new podcast “On Conflict” is out!  Check out our episodes with your favourite podcatcher or on our website www.onconflictpodcast.com.

1. HEALTH - Who is Longing for You?

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I stumbled across a book recently called The Seven Longings of the Human Heart. Mike Bickle is a Christian Pastor and although his writing might be a bit too religious for some, I really appreciate having a taxonomy of what constitutes the kind of heart longings we all can experience. Bickle has had multiple conversations with thousands of people about what their hearts are longing for and identified seven areas:

• the longing for the assurance that we are enjoyed by God;
• the longing to be fascinated;
• the longing to be beautiful;
• the longing to be great;
• the longing for intimacy without shame;
• the longing to be whole-hearted and passionate;
• the longing to make a deep and lasting impact.

Here’s a summary of Bickle’s first longing.
 
With this longing, BIckle brilliantly juxtaposes Sally Field’s famous Oscar acceptance speech, where she declared “You like me…” to another kind of enjoyment.  He suggests that if we are seeking to be appreciated from others, we cannot be satisfied.  However, if we redirect that desire, not ignore it, we can have it fulfilled.  This is an invitation to explore what is intelligent design to you?  Do you believe, as Einstein asked, the universe is friendly or not?  If you believe it is not friendly, fear and threat are often close by.  If you believe that, ultimately, things work out, then you are closer to a relationship with the kind of God who could long for you!

I had a conversation with a healer recently who has helped many people.  He said he has asked each of the hundreds of people he has worked with about their breakdowns.  In particular, he wanted to know if what happened after their breakdowns worked out better than they planned.  He said each and every person he asked said things worked out better than they could have foreseen when they were in the middle of their breakdowns.
 
This too is a belief in an intelligent design.   The idea of being “of service” is also bending to the will of something greater than yourself.  Lynn McTaggart, in her book The Field, takes a scientific view of an interconnected universe where our mind and bodies are not separate from our environments.  
 
There are so many ways to describe the limiting word “God” but if you could wrap your mind around some presence, some sense of a reality bigger than you can imagine then:

• Who, in this bigger sense, is longing for you?
• Who is delighting in what you do?
• Who, this expanded sense, really likes you?

In one of Joe Dispenza’s blog posts, he cited research done by the Heart Math Institute where they pointed out that there are different nerve fibers that go directly from the heart to the brain and the amygdala. The research demonstrated that when you open your heart and feel love— the power of that profound love can create a new baseline in your brain and body’s survival systems, impacting even our alarm centre, the amygdala.
 
So, turn within.  Feel your heart.  Feel who, bigger than yourself, is there for you. 
 
Connect with that!
 

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2. ENVIRONMENT - Climate Peace Talks

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A principle I’ve come across recently is to embrace that which you originally wanted to change and the embracing dissolves the resistance.  In the climate change issue, many people who have left political leanings believe climate change is the biggest issue facing humanity.  Yet, many on the right believe climate change does not exist.
 
How do we dig ourselves out of this impasse, which stops dialogue and problem-solving?
 
The purpose of the new podcast I am hosting with my conflict colleague, Gordon White, is to explore how to move through these intractable blockages.  We have been on the quest of tracking down the brightest minds in conflict and beyond to answer our questions. Our questions have to do with how to engage with the key challenges facing humanity in the area of conflict and what could any of us do about it… starting tomorrow.
 
Which brings me back to this principle of embracing what is.  At this point in our humanity, many of our species can, I believe, feel the gravity of our situation.  Whether that is because of climate change or some other aspect of the sixth extinction, I do believe, like horses, we can sense impending danger.  When we are afraid, we are not at our best.  We cannot access all our resources.  We cannot think straight.

One thought I want to offer is the importance of creating dialogue spaces.  Just like the work of people in war-torn countries who are creating spaces to have dialogue between those on “opposite sides” it is time to set up dialogue circles to bring together those of opposing positions in climate change. 
 
Embracing what is, in this case, would be admitting our conflict is intractable, and starting to call for peace talks!
 
Let’s do it.  Do you know anyone who is on the “opposite” side of the climate change issue to you?  Can you start small by hosting an informal gathering?  Perhaps a dinner as Keith Kahn-Harris shared with Gordon White and I (in one of our upcoming podcasts)?  Something small and modest and a way to build connections.

We need each other across all issues, especially climate change. 

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3. NEGOTIATION - What Did You Have For Breakfast?

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I attended a personal development weekend recently where one of the core teachings was to separate out “What happened” from “The story about what happened.”  This skill is something I’ve coached others in conflict to use for years.  What was powerful over the weekend, however, was to watch people create magic when they would apply this method to any conflict in their lives.  Person after person would talk about issues they were having with loved ones and the facilitator would ask them:
 
“What happened?” 
 
Then they would proceed to tell their interpretation of what happened, instead of sticking with the facts.
 
This seems so logical and I take this tool for granted, but when I also had a triggering text come in from an ex, I was ready to step up and ask for help as well.  I got up to the microphone and talked about what happened.  With all my training, it was easy to stick to the facts.  But when the facilitator looked me square in the eyes and said: “So what’s the problem?” I knew my emotions were getting the better of me.  And that’s what I had not factored in all those years of helping others.  When we are in the thick of our own emotions and reactions, we can know the story is not the facts, yet part of us wants to go there so badly!

One extra technique I learned right then and there was the one of putting one’s facts alongside other mundane facts.  The facilitator asked me how tall I was… then asked what I had for breakfast.  He wrote both of those onto the flip chart.  Then he put the word “text.”  What is the difference between those three things, he asked?

The meaning I’ve given to the word “text” of course! 
 
So, next time you are upset by something someone else “did” to you, ask yourself what you had for breakfast!

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