MANAGING EXPECTATIONS AND NEEDS THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS WITH YOUR FOSTER CHILD
For many of us, the holiday season is a particularly stressful time of year. For children in foster care, it can be especially traumatic. Here are some tips on how to navigate the season successful for your foster child, your family, and you.
Understand if they pull away—Despite your best efforts, a young person may simply withdraw during the holidays. Understand that this detachment most likely is not intended to be an insult or a reflection of how they feel about you, but rather is their own coping mechanism. Be sure to fit in one-on-one time, personal time for your youth and you to talk through what they are feeling during this emotional and often confusing time of year.”
Prepare the foster youth in your care for the holidays in your home–Basically, ask your child/youth if there are any traditions their family had and would they like it if you included one or more of these traditions into your festivities.
Prepare friends and family before you visit–Let them know if there are any special concerns and that the holidays can be difficult for children in foster care.
Remember confidentiality–Think in advance about how to answer questions while maintaining your youth’s confidentiality.
Arrange meeting your family in advance —if it is not possible or practical to meet beforehand, make a list of names of some of the people they will meet and their connection to you.
Have extra presents ready to help offset–Just be prepared in case a relative or friend arrives without a gift for your foster child, but for others in the home. Let your district staff know if you need more support, we’re here for you.
Facilitate visits with loved ones–This is an imperative step. The holidays are about giving and thinking of others and if we cannot take the time to ensure our kids are able to connect with their loved ones, the point of the holidays is lost on them
Help them make sure their loved ones are okay— Knowing that a biological parent or sibling has shelter from the cold or has their other basic needs met may ease a young person’s mind through the emotional ups and potential downs of the holidays.
Extend an invitation— If it is at all possible invite the bio-family to participate in the holiday experience with you.
Assist in purchasing or making holiday gifts or in sending cards to their family and friends.
Lower your expectations—put a limit on activities. Kids may not be able to handle big Christmas parties or noisy family gatherings without becoming dysregulated. Choose a few special activities for the season and focus more on quiet family bonding time.
Keep up with your normal routines as much as possible—While the holidays are a fun break from the typical routines, schedules help a traumatized child to feel safe and secure because they know what to expect.
Call youth who formerly lived with you –check in on them, let you know you care, and if possible invite them to your house for the holidays.
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