I've been thinking a lot lately about "work-life balance" and the idea that this is something you can "figure out." I am not a huge fan of the term, because I don't think of my work and my life as two separate things that need to be balanced. I think of my life as one big messy container that encompasses my paid work, my family, my various side projects (some of which make money, some of which do not), my hobbies, and more. There is no "balance," really, just finding the right mix for me and my family. Sometimes, my container gets filled up with things that don't really add a lot to my life, and I need to jettison those. Sometimes my container gets overfull and I need to pick somethings I do care about to stop doing or do less frequently. I guess that could be considered "balancing," but more I think of it more as getting the mix right.
One of the things that people often recommend to couples with two careers and kids is to schedule "date nights" to make sure you spend some time focusing on your relationship. I think this works for some people, and I'm glad it does. It is not how my husband and I make time to focus on our relationship, though - our regular "relationship time" is our Friday night routine: After the kids are in bed, we grab a couple of beers, sit on the sofa, watch random things on YouTube, and catch up with each other while also discussing what's coming up for the weekend. Our YouTube watching has evolved into focusing more on music than anything else. My husband plays me songs that have been coming up in his Pandora mix that he thinks I'll like (here's a recent example) and I play him random things from my Twitter feed that I think are interesting (e.g., this Mongolian folk rock/heavy metal). Sometimes we search for the top hits in a different country and see what we find. It is very chill, and importantly, requires no planning. The problem I have with "date nights" is that someone has to figure out where to go and arrange for a sitter, and given that most of my work days are spent figuring out scheduling and other issues, I am just not that interested in doing that work. I want the "relationship time" in my mix, but I don't need anymore "figure out how to make all these things fit together in a schedule" in my mix!
However, we do take advantage of date nights when the opportunity presents itself. This weekend, both of our kids had a sleepover on Saturday night. We headed out for some Christmas shopping (so romantic...) but also took the opportunity to try a new restaurant. San Diegans: the dumplings at Steamy Piggy are delicious!
Speaking of Christmas... Looking ahead to the end of next month, I don't think I am going to have time to write this newsletter. I'm going to take December off from newsletter writing. I'll be back in January!
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