I believe each of us has unique inner gifts to share with the world. I want to:
- inspire educators, parents and other caregivers
- celebrate inner resources, and
- share the journey of learning and living the Nurtured Heart Approach®.
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Happy Valentine's Day! I write each of my newsletters with a specific focus group or topic in mind. This issue gets at the heart of NHA which is relationships. On this day of love, I've focused on couples, however these nuggets and resources are intended to be useful to any NHA® practitioner. This is NOT a substitute for NHA training. Subscribe now!
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Self-Care Enhances Relationships
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Often our commitment to others leads us to the Nurtured Heart Approach. Then we learn that adopting the three stands of NHA starts with self-compassion. We refuse to energize our negative thoughts and we accept our shortcomings without self-degradation. We honor who we are and energize our intentions. We set clear boundaries around the ways in which we speak to ourselves. In the process of self-care our relationships with others improve.
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John Gottman, relationship researcher, identifies the 5:1 ratio of positive interactions to negative as a key to healthy relationships. Positives include laughter, touch, eye contact, asking questions, and expressing empathy. Successful couples:
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- Are strongly interested in one another
- Listen and respond generously
- Operate from a foundation of love, acceptance and positive regard
- Have mostly positive interactions
- Address arguments and fights without threat to the relationship
- Approach problems as a team
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Successful partners learn through conflict and address negativity (criticism, defensiveness, disrespect, stonewalling). They foster a culture of appreciation. They take responsibility and communicate with clear statements about what they feel and need.
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Recognitions are designed to convey
the energy of the heart
through the expression of gratitude.
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Six Truths
For many of us, learning the NHA involves letting go of old habits and triggers in order to make better use of our energy. This involves willingness and hard work that can sometimes feel counterintuitive. Lisa Bravo outlines 6 truths about changing our belief patterns to support relationships in her book The Relationship Reset: Igniting Fierce Love for Couples through the Nurtured Heart Approach.
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- You have the power to change negative relationship patterns.
- Relationship patterns change when you commit to acting from your intentions rather than reacting out of habit or emotional triggers.
- To live a congruent life is to consciously live in accordance with your intentions. Congruency is the key to a happy, healthy relationship.
- Change takes intention, time and dedicated practice.
- Intentions are not expectations.
- Both partners are 100% responsible for problems in the relationship.
As reflected above, intention is a key word in the NHA. Our intentions are very personal commitments about how we want to be in the world. We act out our intentions by making thoughtful choices that match our individual values.
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"Do not wait to reset until you are at the point of meltdown. Be keenly aware of your own emotional needs. Use the reset to take really good care of yourself.
Never use the reset as a way to avoid your partner or to control or to shut someone else up. It should not be used punitively. Its only purpose is to create congruency and alignment with your initial intention." (Lisa Bravo, p. 102)
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Verona Area School District
NHA Heroes
An open meeting for parents and teachers using NHA and seeking to improve their practice. Childcare provided!!
Next Meeting:
Monday, February 26, 2018
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Wisconsin NHA Trainer
OUTREACH
Greatness Online
Webinar
Monday, February 19, 2018
5:30-6:30
email stephanier.csf@gmail.com for details
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LOVE LIKE CRAZY!
cuddle, touch, compliment, listen, laugh...
Happy Valentine's Day!
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