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FEBRUARY 2018
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Wet Cement and Your Marriage

 
During our first year of marriage, my husband and I read a book together titled, The Most Important Year in a Man's Life/ The Most Important Year in a Woman's Life by Robert & Bobbie Wolgemuth and Mark & Susan Devries. We loved this book! It gives some wonderful (and very practical!) tools to help newlyweds get their marriage started off on the right foot. One of the concepts that stood out for us in the book was a principle called "The Wet Cement" principle. The authors likened the first year of marriage to wet cement. When cement is newly mixed and wet, it requires very little effort to change, shape and mold. However, once the same cement has time to completely dry and set, it is virtually unmovable. In fact, the only way you can change hardened cement is a LOT of effort and the assistance of a jack hammer! The point of the book was that the patterns we start in marriage quickly "harden" and become firm and established. Therefore, they encouraged newly married couples to be intentional in setting patterns that are beneficial to both parties - husband and wife. Heeding the advice of the book seemed wise; we were very purposeful during the first year of marriage. We discussed and set patterns that worked well for both us in areas such as household chores/tasks, our budget, the way we wanted to spend free time together and apart, and even set times and ways in which we wanted to communicate.  

Fast forward a few years. Like many of you moms, my life was completely transformed by the birth of the triplets. My professional life, social life, health, budget, and free time were radically different. (Is there even such a thing as free time when you have a newborn?!?!) But, what Darrin and I didn't realize at the time was that our marriage had entered another "wet cement" stage. Those patterns that had worked so well during the first four years of our marriage no longer fit. This new stage was an opportunity for us to reset patterns. Unfortunately, in the blur of newborns, we didn't realize this. And, the cement quickly set on some new patterns. And they didn't make both of us happy. And, it took a few years (and some ugly jack hammering) to set the cement in a way that worked for both of us again.  

Throughout the course of your marriage there are going to be several "wet cement" moments. There will be moves, career transitions, new births, launching children to different schools, and eventually children transitioning to adulthood. Nobody enjoys the sound and mess of a jack hammer! Taking the time to intentionally talk about the "new cement" in your world can help keep your marriage strong.  Are you entering a season of "wet cement?" What patterns do you want to establish? What do you need to change? Take a few moments to sit down and create a plan that works for you both - before the cement dries!   
 
5 Ways to Communicate Love to Your Little Ones

This month is a time we intentionally remember and celebrate those we love. Many times the focus is a spouse or significant other. However, as moms we also concentrate on our little loved ones too! One of my very favorite books about relationships is Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages. In this book, he describes the 5 unique ways that individuals experience and feel love including: quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, giving gifts, and acts of service.   

Dr. Chapman shares that the things that make one person “feel” loved is not necessarily the same things that elicit that loving feeling in another person. He stresses the importance of communicating love to those you care about in the language that they can receive that message. Most people have one or two primary love languages.  Children are still developing their primary language. Therefore, it’s important to show love in many ways and languages until you determine which method means the most. Here are a few ideas to intentionally show love to your little Valentines in many ways this month.
 
Physical Touch – Have a tickle war, cuddle while watching a movie, spend extra time rocking your little one to sleep – (or rock an older child for a few minutes), give a back rub or hand massage, do a shoulder squeeze or head tousle, or wrestle with an energetic little boy. 

Acts of Service – Surprise your child by organizing their toys or cleaning their messy room, volunteer to do for them a project of their choice, make their favorite meal or snack, help them build a blanket and pillow fortress, or do one of their assigned chores for the week if they are older.   

Giving Gifts – Decorate your child’s table setting to make it look special, craft a card or small gift for your child, buy them a new outfit or shoes, a treat, or a surprise toy they will enjoy.

Words of Affirmation - Give your child a card and write a note to them on the inside, regularly say the phrase, "Your (humor/joy/energy/passion/etc. is something I love about you." Tell them I love you. Express verbally to your child how much you enjoy spending time with them. Point out strengths, talents, or situations that they handle well on a regular basis. 

Quality Time - Play a game with your child or let your little one choose an activity and do it together. Take them out to a special meal or date, ask an older child to tag along by themselves without siblings when you are running errands, or simply take a walk alone with your child.


CONTACT CARLA
P 317.299.4029
carla@
carlamillercoaching.com


CarlaMillerCoaching.com


UPCOMING EVENTS
April 18
EasterSeals Crossroads Autism Parenting Support Group
Indianapolis, IN

May 1
Brookville Roads MOPS
Indianapolis, IN

 
I help women confidently navigate life during the season of motherhood. Shift from "reacting" to purposefully leading your life - which eliminates overwhelm and guilt and brings joy, satisfaction and fulfillment. 

Become One Intentional Mom

Intentionally yours,
Carla
Copyright © 2018 Carla Miller Coaching, All rights reserved.


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