It is NOT "Either, Or" But Rather "Yes, And!"

I believe I can be selfish and selfless.

I believe I can be fun and serious.

I believe I can be spiritual and practical.

I believe I can be introverted and extroverted.

I believe work can be challenging, fulfilling, and balanced.

I believe companies can be wildly financially successful and environmentally and socially conscious.

I believe sports can be highly competitive and collaborative at the same time.

I believe we can disagree with our politics and still find common solutions.

I believe I can help you be successful and discover my own success.

I believe we can have gun safety and protect your Second Amendment Rights.

I believe I can like rap and country and classical music (and the yodeling Wal-Mart kid).

These should not be radical beliefs. Yet, living in our “either, or” culture has conditioned us to think that we cannot be both. It’s stupid, isn’t it?

Life is “Yes, And!”

Not “either, or.”

The news, media, and culture has conditioned us to take sides, as if there are sides in the first place. Sides don’t exist. I can agree with you on one issue and completely disagree with you on another. And all along I can totally respect you and your opinion. Sides are not needed.

I recently had breakfast with a friend of mine whom I respect very much. He leans conservative, I bend very liberal, yet we both respect and value the other. There aren’t sides, but rather perspectives. AND, his perspective is every bit as valid as mine. You know, because it’s his.

There is not a single issue in our country, world, community, or household right now that will be settled with “winning” the argument or debate. And if you feel you have won, it will be short lived until the other perspective finds new facts to support their case.

Instead, winning can’t be the end game.

Compromise is nice.

Collaboration is better. It’s ideal!

I am an idealist. Yup. What is the point to life if you’re not?

I recently attended a screening of the heartbreaking documentary “When Elephants Fight.” During the Q&A after the talk, Mike Ramsdell, the director, made a very powerful point. In essence he said, there really aren’t “monsters” in these leadership positions with horrible intentions. Instead, they are making tragic decisions based on their perspective and people they are serving. Such as, a company so focused on a bottom-line agenda that they can be tempted into making decisions that directly harm people in the process. They are not looking at the people they impact because they are only looking at the numbers on the page.

These are people grossly blind to the consequences of their choices. This does not justify the actions. But, when we have empathy for the position of the person making these decisions, perhaps we can understand how this happens.  Just as you and I would never consider killing someone, Darren Brown demonstrates how easy it would be to turn a normal citizen into a murderer in the span of 80 minutes.

Empathy allows us to understand where that perspective comes from, so that we can respond in a way that not just addresses the person, but addresses the problem at the root of the issue. Change the root, and you can change the fruit!

Again, we are talking about the power of empathy to create “win-win” “Yes, And” scenarios where we have only been trained to see “either, or!”

Life is not about being “one or the other.” It is recognizing how all of us have shades of everything in us, and when we honor the differences in each other and work from a standpoint of collaboration we will always find solutions.

“Yes, And” is about honoring everyone’s beliefs and views.

Don’t mistake “honoring” with “agreement.”

The goal here is collaboration, not agreement.

Agreement is about getting people to your side.

Collaboration is seeing that there are no sides.

I believe there is a “Yes, And” solution to every problem.

I believe we can do it together.

Want to play?

--Travis