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About pain...
 
A La Carte Coaching
Loss

By Caroline



“Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.” Haruki Murakami
 
I was reminded of this recently, after experiencing deep loss and trying to explain it to my daughter to help her deal with it in a more empowering way.
 
In life, we all go through ups and downs, illnesses, pain, and physical and emotional traumas. The challenge is to find a purpose in everything that happens, since all experiences give us an opportunity to learn and grow, as well as to remember the nature of who we truly are. As Jung said, “In order to know the light, we must first experience the darkness.”
 
But while our lives include inevitable pain, we have a choice in how we view it. We often feel like suffering is needed … that it is inevitable or even deserved. But suffering is a choice!

 
 
 

I was trying to explain it to my daughter like this:  Something occurs, and we experience pain. Pain is the fact. You can’t avoid it; you have to acknowledge it and work through it. But suffering is the story we create from that fact, the drama we add to it. It is not necessary and can even be in our way of true grief.
 
If suffering is a choice, let’s look at the limiting beliefs that tell us otherwise and are in our way. Why do we feel it necessary to add drama? Are we trying to punish ourselves? To validate ourselves? What about trying to avoid creating a story that adds unnecessary layers and truly look at what can be learned from the pain? How about honoring that pain and allowing yourself to simply grieve?
 
To my surprise, she completely understood it, and we were able to grieve together and to be grateful for having experienced that love in our lives.
 

 
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