Let’s talk about some specific moments that can fill us with tension. Since most people’s worst fear is speaking in front of a group, let’s start there. You may be saying “There is no way I would ever give a speech in front of an audience, and the type of work I do would never require it.”

While that may be true, at some point, you will almost certainly be put on the spot in one way or another. You will be required to take command of a given moment at work or in your personal life. It could be a presentation, a job interview, a meeting— or a toast at a family dinner.

What you want in that moment is to be emotionally poised: comfortable, in charge, energetic, fairly relaxed and natural.

What usually happens to most of us when we’re on the spot, especially if we are on our feet, is that we feel totally exposed. The dreaded demon tension takes over, we lose our train of thought and our faces become frozen, flushed with embarrassment or drained of color. 

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