I believe each of us has unique gifts to share with the world. I want to:
- inspire leaders, parents, caregivers and educators
- celebrate inner resources, and
- share the journey of learning and living the Nurtured Heart Approach®.
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As we continue to address COVID-19, many of us are also attending to racial justice. With these events in mind, I offer a review of NHA recognitions with the hope of supporting your continued efforts to use NHA with yourself as well as the adults and children in your life. My newsletter nuggets and resources are intended to be useful to any NHA practitioner. This is NOT a substitute for NHA training. Subscribe now!
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Heart Work
When I stay with the frightened, angry, nervous, and disheartened feelings that accompany my uncertainty and I allow those emotions to guide me, I am doing what some of my friends and I talk about as heart work. You’ve likely heard similar refrains recently like “Do the work” and “Let’s get to work”.
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As a white person, I am called to dig into my heart and soul to fight race-based oppression. NHA gives me language to sustain this work. While NHA was created to foster inner wealth in children, I hope my review of NHA recognitions acknowledges some of your efforts to learn and act.
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NHA founder, Howard Glasser says, "Let the script write itself." With active recognitions you watch and listen and then share what you see, hear and notice. We are wired for connectivity. Active recognitions may open conversation. They can simply be a way to acknowledge others.
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- Here you are tending to your garden.
- I noticed your yard sign.
- You're reading Austin Channing Brown.
- You've opened and are reading this newsletter!!
- I heard you tell yourself and the team that you need to step back and take a break.
- I see your shining smile even with your mask on!
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- I noticed the interview with Robin DiAngelo that you shared on Facebook.
- I heard you asking questions about white fragility.
- I noticed the bumper sticker on your car.
- I hear passion in your voice and see conviction in your eyes.
- I saw you out for a walk the other day.
- Thanks for washing your hands and wearing a mask.
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Experiential Recognitions
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When giving experiential recognitions we add character qualities to identify the inner wealth we see, hear and notice.
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- You seem to be thinking a lot about what you're seeing, and you're expressing a willingness to slow down to process new ideas. Your questions show your curiosity and desire to learn.
- I’m hearing you say you feel overwhelmed by the news. Your self-awareness is strong.
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- The fact that you pointed out the impact of my comment and how it made you feel reflects your honesty, courage, and respect.
- Your interest in hearing multiple perspectives is reflected in the fact that you're listening to new podcasts (e.g. Silence is Not an Option, Defending Black Girlhood).
- You took the time to reply to my post. I appreciate your support and encouragement.
- Texting to check in to see how I'm doing reveals your compassion.
- You googled to find different points of view. Your open-mindedness supports your empathy.
- You’re monitoring how much new information you’re reading and watching to give yourself time to reflect and process. I respect your patience and desire to pace yourself to develop habits you can sustain.
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Proactive recognitions focus on our ever-present opportunity to choose. We contrast the positive choice with a less desirable alternative and, like with the experiential recognition, we highlight the inner wealth qualities illustrated by the choice.
- You took action and seem to feel it didn’t go as you expected. You could have ignored your desire to act. Instead, you took a risk and are now reflecting on it. This is bravery and willingness to grow and change.
- You held your tongue when you could have hurled an insult. I appreciate your restraint.
- You chose to interrupt the negativity when you had the option of joining in. This shows respect and clarity.
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- You held firm in the face of resistance without being hurtful. You have the greatness of tact and self-respect.
- Instead of dismissing Uncle Dave’s opinion, you thanked him for sharing and helping you learn his perspective. Your ability to restate what you heard him say reflects your active listening.
- You shared how much it hurts to be labeled racist. It would be easy to be defensive and negate those feelings. You are motivated to learn and grow.
- You are checking your language and being sensitive while also moving forward. You could be paralyzed by the fear of mistakes, instead you’re being sensitive, determined, and attentive in your actions.
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The creative recognition offers a no fail opportunity for success. We make an accessible request and follow up by acknowledging effort in the direction of the request. For example, I might say, "I need you to remember social distancing." When the person backs away or gives me space, I engage positively with a smile or a recognition of their kindness and respect. In another situation I might say, "Let's talk about that another time." If the person pauses and acknowledges my request, I say, "Thanks for understanding," and I move our conversation in a different direction.
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It's All about Inner Wealth and Relationship
- Use your authentic voice and genuine appreciation to cultivate inner wealth.
- Support your recognitions with irrefutable evidence.
- Remember, we're building relationships not trying to control others.
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Each person sees the world from a unique vantage and is shaped by experiences. We all need a foundation of inner wealth to make changes in attitudes and behavior. I believe we can use NHA to build a better world.
The pandemic demands that we protect ourselves and others. The racial justice movement requires noticing and working to correct systems of power that may seem subtle. NHA involves knowing our values. My heart work includes examining my values and beliefs, moving through denial and defenses, pushing back on years of socialization, and taking risks to make a positive difference.
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Stay strong as you work your values through your head, heart, and hands.
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The Nurtured Heart Approach is copyrighted material belonging to Howard Glasser and the Children's Success Foundation.
As stated above, the material in this newsletter is not a substitute for NHA training.
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