I saw this post on TONY ROBBIN'S comeback challenge site and it reminded me of why everyone is so messed up.
I MUST ADMIT.... I DISAGREE on all 3 points. I just gotta rant.
1) As a thriving counsellor with over 8000 clients and a woman who has experienced childhood sexual abuse/abandonment and a lifetime of anxiety and depression, too often we are told to be grateful when we feel anything but grateful. We are told to be positive, that others have it worse, when we feel anxious, heartbroken and sad.
This is NOT healing.
No one wants to hear, you should be grateful when you're down and out. It ONLY makes matters worse! This is conditioning that must have come from your parents.
Who told you, to be grateful? Your mom, your dad? Who told you that sadness or being emotional is pointless or not ok? Who told you to suck it up as a child? Which one of your parents was emotionally unavailable to you and to themselves?
It's impossible to be positive and grateful 100% of the time. and ONE of the biggest reasons people are depressed, is because they actually believe this.
They actually believe it's possible and they FEEL BAD about theirselves, if they're not.
This is called conditional LOVE.
Only loving yourself your ideal self, not your whole self. You can't ignore yourself into wholeness. You can't abandon yourself and feel content.
You can't hate yourself into confidence.
In my Breakdown to Breakthrough Program, we go DEEP into this.
2) Complaining for most people, especially the ones that aren't OK with their emotional self, is merely a WAY to get your feelings acknowledged. The problem with people that continuously complain, is that they have been taught that it's NOT OK to be emotional, needy or ask for love, which is why they complain to get it, versus asking for it.
They haven't been taught how to soothe their sad self. You MUST get acknowledgment of your current state and despair before you move to acceptance, responsibility and action.
You can't spiritually bypass yourself.
3) Lastly... there are many victims in life, victims of sexual abuse, victims of abandonment, victims of alcoholic parents, victims of authoritarian, suck it up parenting, victims of narcissistic parents, who were taught as kids, that despite their abuse, the need to respect their parents, do as their told, suck it up, don't talk back, don't cry, go to their room, behave...
these are children and people who have been taught to TAKE ALL THE BLAME, be kind, be respectful, be polite!!!
They are the givers!
The people pleasers and because of it, because of this NONSENSE statement... "don't blame others"... they set themselves UP for a lifetime of abuse. A lifetime of attracting the same narcissistic partners, abusers, people who don't see, hear or respect them, people who take advantage.
THESE people need to learn to BLAME someone.
These people always put others first before themselves.
These victims need to finally be OK with their anger. to honour it. To realize FUCK... they were not the problem!!! It's not me, it's you!! In order to heal it you have to feel it. That is the first step.
Learning to blame someone when you never have can be the most empowering thing you do.
The first step, to DROPPING the shame that all this abuse was your fault, your problem.
To start realizing, you are NOT broken.
You are not a problem to be solved.
YES there is a time to be grateful, yes complaining incessantly without action will not get you anywhere. YES blaming people FOREVER will keep you in a victim state.
However, it is ESSENTIAL to understand the process of healing. You can't skip steps. You can't only allow or OWN ONE SIDE of yourself.... your positive self, your grateful self, your responsible self.. this is PATH to self-abandonment, not contentment.
Because life isn't always happy. It isn't always fair. It includes heartbreak, disappointment and loss. You don't have to be grateful for those feelings issues initially. Once you grieve.... once you allow sadness, once you honour those feelings... the gratitude organically, seeps back.
No shame involved. No force required.
Wanna learn how to start LOVING your whole self, not just your ideal self? What to heal deep wounds and create unshakeable confidence?
Jump on a breakthrough call with me. It's time to break your disempowering, hateful parental patterning once and for all.
https://mycoachingcaledar.as.me/breakthroughcall