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Hello hello! How's it going? How's the lockdown treating you? Last few days have been terrible with two stalwarts of the film industry leaving. All so sudden. All so unexpected. It left all of us shocked and grieving. I dont even know how to come to terms with the loss but you have to do what you have to! Which is go on...
Related, I was reading this tweet a few days ago where the lady said, "we are oscillating between stage 4 and 5 of grief. Depression and acceptance."
This is what I want to talk about today. 5 Stages of Grief.
Before I start, here's a disclaimer. I am no expert on mental health / psychology. But I am like a lot of people my generation where our first port of call is the Internet. Here are the steps I follow.
- I go read about things.
- I then go find arguments in favor of and against what I've read.
- And then I sleep over it.
- What remains in my head after this, I consider this as the final "truth" for me. For me. Not for others. And that is what I hold close to me.
- And then I look at evidence that supports it or rejects it. And with each piece of evidence, I fortify or weaken the "truth"
- Over time, as I live, I let the experience and people and incidents add to it. Or take away from it.
- What is left is what I try and share with the world. You know, the Feynman Method?
So, after the milelong disclaimer, here are the 5 stages of grief.
Grief has 5 stages and in order. Denial - anger - bargaining - depression - acceptance.
When you face something undesirable, something that you grieve for, these are the stages you go thru. Lemme use examples to explain.
- You start with anger and denial. How can this happen to me? How can they lockdown the country like that?
- Then you move to anger. How dare this happen to me? I hate the government for locking down the country like that.
- Then there is bargaining. If I do this, will someone take the grief away? What if we maintain social distance, would you please lift the lockdown?
- There is depression. Meek acceptance. Sadness. I am fucked in the head because of the lockdown.
- And then, acceptance. What can we do if they're locking down?
And often, you follow this curve...
And of course, this is a natural phenomenon. I can relate to this to a T.
Try to plot some past crisis on this chart and you may find that this fits you as well. No, please don't relive the misery but try to get a lesson out. And imagine if you could straight away get to acceptance, you would save all that time and energy! No?
And, the larger idea is to remember that this too shall pass and while you wait for that passing to happen, can you train yourself and reach the acceptance stage the fastest? Something that a stoic would probably do! Something that I am training myself for.
Going through a bad phase at work? No, don't get angry. Don't question it. Accept and move on.
Breakup? It's ok. Don't let the shock paralyze you. Don't do something stupid in anger. Shit happens. Accept.
Got rivered? It's ok. Don't tilt. Don't get depressed about it. Play the next hand.
I know that it is tough to control emotions. And this may sound like empty words. But then like I said in the beginning, this is what my understanding it. This is what has worked for me. And I think I am no special and if this works for, can work for whoever.
Of course, you may argue that why do we need to grieve in the first place. But then, that's a talk for a different time, different day. I am still not sure of my thesis about that!
Hope this helps you get through the lockdown and other things affecting your head. Hope you come out better.
Over and out.
Oh, here's a couple of more examples about these 5 stages that I thought could lighten the gloominess around us...
and...
Hope this was useful!
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Regards,
@saurabh
SoGv4-5
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