|
|
|
|
Contents
1. Introduction. Wherein I welcome you to the newsletter.
2. Latest News. Wherein I encourage you to purchase my latest projects in a non-pushy manner.
3. Upcoming Appearances. Wherein I share my whereabouts with potential stalkers.
4. Interview. Wherein I am interviewed about my latest novel, The Odds.
5. Short story. Wherein you read the short story "The Soupville Stabber Practices Social Distancing."
6. Links. Wherein I share ways for me to be part of your life much more frequently than this newsletter.
|
|
Introduction
Though the governor of my home state of Georgia has opened the state to non-essential businesses, I will be staying right here at home for the time being. I've got plenty of macaroni and cheese, and though my Mountain Dew supplies are running low, I'm confident that I can replenish them before I have to make the unbearable sacrifice of not consuming Mountain Dew. So I'll be fine.
The Kindle edition of my new novel, The Odds, is now available, and you'll get all the exciting details in this issue. If you're thinking, "Wait, didn't Allison just come out last month?" you are correct, and be prepared to experience that same emotion next month.
If you're reading this before Monday, April 27th, 6:00-8:00 PM EST, there's still time to attend the virtual launch party! (You'll need to register for a free Hopin account and get a free ticket, so don't lollygag if you're reading this with time to spare.) Join the fun HERE. Eye candy will be provided in the form of John Edward Lawson, who is hosting the event. Be there!
|
|
Latest News
My new novel, The Odds, is now available in a Kindle edition! Paperback coming soon!
Here's the blurb:
After a disastrous evening playing slot machines, Ethan Caustin wonders how he's going to explain his massive loss to his wife and kids. As he tries to find his way out of the casino, sick to his stomach and filled with self-loathing, he's approached by a stranger who offers a solution to his problem.
It's a simple game. A 99% chance for him to win ten thousand dollars. In the remote chance that he loses...well, he'll be strapped into a device that shatters his left arm.
The odds are very much in his favor. But this is only the first round.
As the game goes on, the prizes and penalties keep changing, along with his chances of winning. As the high stakes get out of control and Ethan desperately wants to quit, he'll learn that they've only offered him one means of escape: play the game to the very end...
If you missed reading Allison last month...don't worry, the book still exists! Errant Dreams said it "takes the girl-with-supernatural-powers-gets-pushed-too-far trope and makes it delicious again." Available in Kindle and paperback editions. Audiobook coming soon.
If you look at any of my digital or paperback covers for, oh, the past ten years or so, there’s a way better than average chance that it was done by Lynne Hansen. Allison. The Odds. My Pretties. Clowns Vs. Spiders. Sick House. And so on and so on…all her! Now she’s about to launch her own newsletter! Get the latest on her artistic exploits, and if you subscribe before the official launch on May 1st, you can win a FREE (!!!!!!) horror cover for your book! $300 value!
Q: What if I don’t write books?
A: You can transfer it to one of your author buddies.
Q: What if I have befriended no authors?
A: She’ll do a horror themed piece of art just for you!
Subscribe HERE.
The audiobook edition of Wolf Hunt 3 is now available! Many people have been asking for this, and specifically asking if Scott Thomas, who did such a great job with Wolf Hunt and Wolf Hunt 2, would be back as the narrator. He sure as hell is! Get it HERE.
The website Considering Stories has been doing a series that features an in-depth look at one of my books each week. They don't get heavy-duty into spoiler territory, so it's safe reading even if you haven't (yet) checked out that particular book. Thus far the series has covered Allison, Kumquat, Clowns Vs. Spiders, and Facial. It also covered Cold Dead Hands last year. Check it out!
|
|
|
Upcoming (?) Appearances
May 1-3. Indianapolis, Indiana. Mo*Con. I’ll be a Special Guest (less than a Guest of Honor, but better than a Wretched Commoner) at this annual, intimate horror con run by Maurice Broaddus. [POSTPONED until further notice.]
June 11-14. Kansas City, Missouri. HEAR Now Festival. Hey, I’m emceeing the Independent Audiobook Awards for the third time! Did I use up all of my audiobook-themed jokes after year two? We’ll find out together! [UPDATE: The conference will be held online on the scheduled dates, but the awards–and thus my role–have been indefinitely postponed.]
July 16-19. Salem, Massachusetts. Necon. Wait, isn’t Necon in Rhode Island? Not anymore! It’s moved to a new venue for this, the 40th (!) anniversary. I’ll be emceeing the Infamous Necon Roast, and this year the victim could be….YOU!!! [POSTPONED until next year.]
July 30 – August 2. Williamsburg, Virginia. Scares That Care. This amazing charity horror convention returns for its 7th year. I’ll have a wide selection of books available for your purchasing ecstasy.
August 7-9. Austin, Texas. KillerCon. There wasn't a 100% chance that I was going to KillerCon this year, but now there's a 0% chance that I'm going, since it's been cancelled.
August 14-15. Atlanta, Georgia. Outer Dark Symposium For The Greater Weird. Weeeeird people talking about weeeeird stuff! Last year I read “The Douchebag Who Reneged on the Death Pact.” What tale of weeeeirdest will I read this year?
October 9-11. Atlanta, Georgia. Monsterama. If you love monsters, and you probably do, this convention has all the monster stuff you can handle! Panels! Movies! People who’ve been in monster movies!
October 16-18. Atlanta, Georgia. Multiverse. The second year of this exciting SF, Fantasy, and Horror con. You know which of the three genres I’ll be representing!
|
|
|
An Interview About THE ODDS
ABNER GLEEKER: I guess my first question is about the title, The Odds. Is it about weird people, or betting odds?
JEFF STRAND: The title specifically references betting odds; specifically, the odds of successfully completing deranged challenges. But don't worry, the book does have weird people in it.
AG: Sweet. Is it your goriest, most depraved, most f***ed-up book ever?
JS: Nah.
AG: It's not? [Checking notes.] Then is it at least a violent, suspense-packed thrill ride?
JS: It sure is!
AG: Woo-hoo! I love me some violent, suspense-packed thrill rides. So what's it about in sixty paragraphs or less?
JS: Okay, there's this guy named Ethan Caustin, and during a trip to Vegas he succumbs to a gambling addition that he'd had under control for the past eight years. As he--
AG: Jeez, I didn't ask for the dude's whole life story.
JS: How come these interviews are always antagonistic? I actually think this feature of the newsletter has a negative impact on my book sales.
AG: LOL nobody scrolls this far down the newsletter.
JS: That's...that's not true.
AG: Deal with it. We're shouting into the void. But, please, go ahead and tell your "readers" about your new book.
JS: Okay, so, Ethan loses a crapload of money. I mean, a crapload. And he's all like "What have I done? What have I done? How am I going to tell my wife about this? What will my children think?" But this guy comes up to him and is all like "I think I can solve your problem."
AG: Uh-oh. That guy is totally going to make his problem worse, isn't he?
JS: Not at first. He offers Ethan the chance to play a sinister game. So, Abner, if you were offered the chance to win $10,000, and you had a 99% possibility of success, but a 1% possibility that they'd shatter your arm, would you take it?
AG: If I knew I was in a Jeff Strand novel I sure as hell wouldn't.
JS: In real life.
AG: I don't know. I suppose that after some consideration I'd decide that a 99% chance of winning ten grand was too good to pass up. I'd assume that this was not a situation that would spiral out of control, flinging me into a deadly game from which there was no escape.
JS: That's what Ethan thinks, too.
AG: That poor bastard. Does he get his arm broken?
JS: You'll have to read the book to find out.
AG: C'mon, that's, what, Chapter One? Don't be so frickin' stingy with the spoilers!
JS: Sorry.
AG: Is this one of those deals where right now it's just the Kindle edition that's available, and we have to wait a couple of weeks for the paperback?
JS: Yes.
AG: Would you please be so kind as to share the link?
JS: Sure! It's right HERE. Hey, you were just kidding when you said that nobody scrolls down this far, right?
AG: [Awkward silence.]
|
|
Short Story
"The Soupville Stabber Practices Social Distancing"
Copyright 2020 by Jeff Strand.
"We're supposed to stay six feet away from everybody unless they live in the same household," said Wilbur. "If you want to be safe, I think you need to follow that rule with your next killing spree."
"Are you kidding me?" asked his brother Hank. "I'm the Soupville Stabber! I stab my victims about a dozen times in the chest. That's my thing. That's what I'm known for."
"I get that. All I'm saying is that it's dangerous out there. I don't want you bringing a virus home."
"But I wear a mask."
"Your scary clown mask has mouth holes and nose holes."
"Well...yeah, okay, I guess it does. But if I wore a surgical mask underneath it, I don't think I could breathe. If I get dizzy from the lack of oxygen while I'm stabbing somebody, they could use that to their advantage and escape."
"You definitely shouldn't double mask it," said Wilbur. "I'm saying that if you really need to satisfy your bloodlust before we've flattened the curve, you're just going to have to suck it up and go for distance weapons."
Hank shook his head. "It's off brand."
"Then stay home."
"You know what happens if my need to kill isn't sated. You still have the missing arm."
"I know that. I'm reminded of it every single time I try to type. But you have to be responsible. Your victims scream a lot, right?"
"Yeah."
"During this pandemic you can't be next to people who are screaming. They'd be sending microscopic particles toward your face at a high velocity. Maybe you could use, I don't know, a sword or something?"
"They don't make six-foot-long swords."
"You could duct tape two or three of them together."
"Do you know how awkward that would be?" asked Hank. "And how the hell do I sneak up on somebody when I've got three swords taped together? Being the Soupville Stabber is about stealth. Nobody's going to hang around in a dark alley if some guy in a scary clown mask is dragging a six-foot sword."
"Forget about the swords then. Could you throw the knives?"
"Say what?"
"Throw 'em from six feet away."
"What am I, a circus act? Throwing knives with that level of accuracy requires hundreds of hours of practice. I've used the same knife to claim all of my prey. It was Dad's knife. How would I be treating Dad's legacy if I just started randomly flinging store-bought knives at people?"
Wilbur sighed. "You know I support you when you act out your uncontrollable impulses. But we're supposed to be social distancing! It's not fair to me if you come home without having taken the proper precautions. I mean, if you want to quarantine yourself in your bedroom for three weeks after every kill..."
"You're really being a jerk," said Hank. "It's bad enough that the media is focusing way more on the global pandemic than my regional killing spree. Hardly anybody is even talking about the Soupville Stabber anymore. How do you think that makes me feel, huh? I'll tell you how: it makes me feel unloved. And now my own brother is saying he wants me to lock myself away in the darkness of my bedroom for three weeks. That's some serious balderdash, bro."
"I don't care. If you're going to claim victims, you're going to do it responsibly."
Hank stared at Wilbur for a long time. Finally, he shook his head. "All right. You win. I'll throw knives at them and see how it works out."
"And no killing essential workers."
"What?"
"They risk their lives enough already to keep society functioning. It would suck for them to get murdered after evading the virus all this time."
"Okay," said Hank. "I'll stay six feet away while I slay non-essential workers."
"Thank you. You're doing the right thing."
This public service story has been brought to you by the caring folks at the Jeff Strand newsletter.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
