Copy
from the Charleston Academy of Domestic Pursuits
by Suzanne Pollak

I learned so much from Mothers & Sons, a ten year book project with my beloved co-author Caroline von Nathusius. I learned my eyes could well up with tears and my throat catch with emotion listening to the way sons talk about their mothers.

I learned patience, first in looking for American leaders who felt comfortable talking about their mothers. The leaders who talked, teared up, and shared secrets included the Joint Chiefs of Staff, NFL Commissioner, a Presidential candidate, tennis legend, basketball star, baseball Hall of Famer. Then I learned the patience of time (and publishing rejections) for who begins a project thinking it will take ten years, except for the project of childrearing? 

Hearing mothers describe their relationships with their sons, and listening to the sons (ages 27 to 77) speak about their mothers, highlighted the fact that relationships evolve. Patience is essential. Moms are alike in more ways than not, and no family has it right all the time. But with patience, things often turn out in the end.

I learned older mothers share a common delight, that of hearing our adult children talking in the next room. We don’t have to be in the center of conversations or hear the words our adult children speak, as we were and did when they were growing up. Just listening brings contentment and happiness. I love overhearing my daughter’s and daughter-in-law’s voices; laughter, rhythm and pitch reminding me of me long ago. The deeper timber of my sons’ sentences is soothing in its own special way. I was not consciously aware of the connection between voice and memory until Mary Smoltz told me it was one of her comforts when her son John visits.  

A most surprising outcome was finding a sisterhood with all the mothers, a comforting tribe with whom I felt a bond. Some of these mothers, unknowingly, nurtured me exactly when I needed it most, and they didn’t even know me. We all need motherly love at different times in our lives, even if the motherly love is not from our own mom.


From Mothers & Sons:

  • “She clearly had this belief that I could be brilliant at whatever I was doing, so I felt the need to live up to that.” - Chairman and CEO of BBDO advertising agency, Andrew Robertson
  • "Why don't you be a dentist? You can play tennis in the mornings.” - Patricia McEnroe, mother of tennis player, John McEnroe
  • "Today somebody like her would be expected, at the very least, to be the CEO of Facebook, but what my mother did was marry my father and dedicate most of the next two decades to me and my sister.” - Historian Niall Ferguson
  • "I called my mother before I accepted the job as President of Playboy because my mother, through her actions and the way she has led her life, was very much a feminist.” - CEO of Forbes, Mike Perlis
  • "John once complained that I was supposed to be his friend. I was clear about that: 'No son, I’m sorry. After you turn eighteen, we can try to be friends, but right now, I’m your mother.'" - Mary Smoltz, mother of American Hall of Fame baseball player, John Smoltz

Who can fathom the work, dedication and love in store for us when we first give birth? Interviewing the men and moms made me realize how glad, proud and fulfilled I am to be a mother, grateful for feeling connected to mothers everywhere, and thankful to be on the other side of the labor-intensive years. 

What will my children say about me when they look back over their lives? I think about the mothers right now, the world over, who are shouldering sometimes unbearable burdens (along with their partners) of child rearing, jobs, cooking, cleaning all at home. In today’s world moms are the heroes! Children will have examples and inspiration for the rest of their lives from their biggest domestic influence.


Happy Mothers Day!

In other domestic news, you are invited to virtually "Sip with Suzanne" this coming Wednesday, May 6th at 5:30 EST. Take a mid-week break with the ABCs distilled. We skip A and go right to BC: building cocktails.

Previous classes cover 
Building a Home Bar, Old Fashioneds the Charleston Way, The Art of Margaritas & How Not to Get Sh*t Faced, Tonic Cocktails, and Mint Juleps with a Trick. Next up - daiquiris! This is education at its most fun and creative: math, science, geography, plus medicine, sex and P.E. all under the umbrella of domestic pursuits.

Sign in via Zoom to find out more! And as always, CONTACT us with your questions & comments...
Home School is a publication of the Charleston Academy of Domestic Pursuits.

Copyright © 2020 CAoDP, All rights reserved.

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