|
It’s kind of funny that the first thing I can actually bring myself to write since the pandemic started is a piece about how much trouble I’ve had writing since the pandemic started.
For context, this is what I do, personally and professionally: I just started transitioning roles at my current job to become a technical writer focused on education, so now I write every day at my new office in the dining room. Before that, I was a board game reviewer who focused mostly on written reviews and photography. Hm. I’m writing this piece stream of consciousness and I’m just a bit pissed off at myself now, since I just put “I was a board game reviewer” instead of “I am.” This should give you some insight into How Much Content I’ve Been Generating. I’m told this is part of the grieving process, and apparently I’m grieving my complete loss of ability to play and write about board games.
So that’s new. And it sucks.
Pre-pandemic, I was spinning! I’d easily write upwards of 10,000 words a week on a bad week, pushing out lengthy processes on various games that publishers sent me to review. I ran a tight ship, to the point that I have a few months of content stored in my buffer and my aptly-named Emergency Buffer, but convention season, personal matters, and a global pandemic are, to be fair, a one-two-three punch I didn’t expect. Now, honestly, I don’t have the energy to do much more than look at the pile of review copies that actually made it to my house before they shut down my office’s shipping and receiving. The ones that got left behind are stuck there until the all-clear. I think about that a lot. I really hate not following through on commitments, and that’s been what’s happening. So that’s got me down.
It’s even more confusing because it feels like the hobby media world isn’t really talking about it? A lot of folks are already struggling in a system of metrics-chasing and always talking about the hot thing. It’s tough to stay relevant. What happens when the people you're stuck at home with no longer want to play the latest Hot Game?? Well, your board game table gets turned into a puzzle table and you learn how to bake a surprisingly impressive cheesecake (first try!)
So what do you do to try to fix this? Do you do a review of the board game Pandemic? No, that’s ghoulish; people have died.
No, what you do instead is lie on the couch and play Animal Crossing and debate writing about video games until you fall asleep only to wake up at 5 AM. In other words, the same things you’ve done since you were first told to shelter in place, because you’re more constantly stressed than you ever have been in your entire life.
But that’s not a fix for the problem, and indeed, it suggests that there are other problems fighting for your attention beyond board game reviews. The deep irony here is that the reason you first got into writing board game reviews was that it was a nice escape from the daily stress of life. Regular gaming sessions translated into some simple analysis and opinions. Then you wrote more. Then you got here. But things are a bit upside-down right now, and the struggle has been finding a way to move forward.
I honestly am kind of writing this stream-of-consciousness, but doing so has helped me finally get something down, and that’s helped arrive at my conclusion. Really, the only path forward is to just … be okay with the new normal. The people I’m quarantined with aren’t big fans of board gaming, so unless I learn solo games, that pathway is kind of out. Playing board games online isn’t really my thing; I’d rather just play a video game. So I’m finding new things to do. I’m playing some video games I haven’t gotten a chance to crack open because I was writing 4–5 reviews a week. I built a LEGO Ship in a Bottle, which was awesome. I’m checking in on other people in the community who are struggling because, honestly, I’m fucking struggling with this.
I’m not writing this as a puff piece about how everything is going to be okay, though I had kind of hoped I’d get there by the end of this. Instead, I think it’s just important for me to acknowledge that I’m fucking struggling. I don’t see it really being talked about; we’re trying to keep heads-down and get the work done. But for a lot of us, it’s not happening no matter what we try. This also isn’t to criticize people who are super productive right now; live your best life and keep crushing it. But if you’re having difficulty, make some space for that?
Acknowledging that it’s a struggle right now is the first step to beginning to process, and for me, I’m hoping that acknowledging it the only way I know how—a rambling article with too many words—will help me figure out a path forward. ⚛
|
