August 26th, 2019

Dear Friends:

The summer is blazing by and we are nearly at Fall.  My life has become so insular as a new father.  I'm home most of the time or at the clubs managing.  All my time is completely taken.  On my special couple of nights per week I get to play the piano with some great jazz musicians.  When all of one's time is compromised, then you can really begin to feel the appreciation of the things that are meaningful for you.  I remember, as a younger-man, playing the piano was an anxiety experience - fear of playing in front of people or anxiety about "what" to play.  The mind of a young jazz musician can be clouded with neurosis due to lack of confidence or self-mind games.  I remember way back in my music school days when I was told that I had a "time problem" because I could never come in at the right place when the group traded 8's.  I'd count and tap my foot and invariably get nervous and then, of course, come in off the beat or in the totally wrong place.  This problem plagued me and ate away at my already barely existent confidence.  One night, though, I went to hear Lou Donaldson at Condon's, a club in Union Square that no longer exists.  I sat at the end of the bar and sipped a beer and lamented my pathetic existence as a jazz musician.  The band was smoking, of course, and everyone was digging it.  Tremendous vibe.  But I was too depressed to notice and sat there in my reverie distracted by my thoughts.  The band was trading 8's and I was holding my beer mug.  Then something happened!  Just when the band hit 1, my hand came down exactly on the beat - exactly where the trade was supposed to be.  Like they say in Zen, "the bottom fell out of the bucket" and I realized that my "time problem" was all mental.  I started listening more to the band and followed their 8's and realized that when I wasn't playing, I could hear 8 bars as natural as breathing.  What was fouling me up?

Fast forward now 30 years later and this jazz student is still playing with the same passion.  However, Sturm and Drang are for kids.  Not for people with responsibility to others or to a family.  Running these clubs stripped me of my need to prove myself and took me away from self-analysis.  Who has the time for all that?  Becoming a father has made me understand what value in living really is.  Who has time to be concerned about a "career"?  Music, I realized, is a children's game - to be played with wonder and joy, not ego and career-mindedness.  When it's time to play it's time to let go and get in that hot tub and just relax.  It took me an entire lifetime to realize this fully, but playing the piano now is such a joy.  Sometimes it takes a lifetime to just get started!

As usual, there's a veritable jazz festival happening every night between both Smalls and Mezzrow.  Check out our schedule and please come out and hear some music.  Your ticket is good at both clubs and you can stay late.

Peace,

Spike