Me + You = WE
"As an adult, you have probably had dozens of important relationships over the years. I don't mean just romantic relationships--I also mean with parents, siblings, friends, and mentors. Of those significant attachments, how many have been truly satisfying, secure, and lasting?"
-Annie Chen, The Attachment Theory Workbook
How would you answer Annie's question?
I love the question Annie Chen, LMFT, asks in her sensational workbook on attachment, "How many of your significant attachments have been truly satisfying, secure, and lasting?"
I won't ask for a show of hands, as that could be incriminating, depending on who is sitting next to you, but I do ask you to quietly and thoughtfully, answer it.
"Experts," primarily, Robin Dunbar, discovered that based on the size of the human brain, we are most likely only capable of sustaining FIVE close relationships. "Individuals," he says, "generally have up to five people in the closest layer. The next closest layer contains an additional 10, the one beyond that an extra 35, and the final group another 100. So cumulatively, the layers contain five, 15, 50, and 150 people."
I find this fascinating.
Strong, Intimate Relationships Involves Emotional Connection
On August 4, Rob and I celebrated a milestone in our marriage: 35 YEARS STRONG!
In light of this, I've dedicated all of our August resources, the blog, the podcast, the eNewsletter, and content on our private FB community page, to a conversation on "Marriage and Emotional Connection." Now, if you are single, widowed, or perhaps separated, currently, this conversation INCLUDES you, because I want you to experience the richest, most remarkable relationships YOU CAN! That doesn't mean you have to be married, but it does mean you desire or long for intimate relationships in which you feel satisfied, secure, SAFE, and SEEN (I added, SEEN and SAFE, because I highly value those qualities in my intimate relationships).
I believe the core of satisfying relationships in which we feel secure, safe, and seen, is something "experts" call, "SECURE ATTACHMENT."
Secure attachment "is built through consistent care, attention, and meeting of needs." When a primary caregiver feeds, changes, nurtures, and cares for an infant on a predictable, and reliable schedule, the infant develops an inner assurance (unaware of this, of course) and feeling of safety that his/her needs will be sufficiently met. The result: a trusting relationship is developed. STABILITY flows in and out of the infant's little nervous system. "As the child grows, he/she will have more confidence and security in this relationship," and ultimately, "the child will have the confidence to try new things, to explore, and to leave his mother, knowing that when he/she returns, the mother will be there. As this child matures into adulthood, his/her attachment style will continue to be secure. He/She will look for relationships that parallel what was modeled for them, knowing that this type of relationship is trustworthy and meets their needs."
Can you see me doing cartwheels and jumping up and down right now?
Secure Attachment is the GREATEST of ALL Gifts
Researchers found there to be FOUR attachment styles: secure, insecure anxious, insecure avoidant, and disorganized/disordered. Listen on the podcast as I move through a short description of each style and how we can OVERCOME any insecurities or avoidance tendencies and develop secure attachment.
YES, we can develop secure attachment. I am living proof of this promise. First and foremost, we have an ALMIGHTY GOD who lavishes love on us and wants each and every one of us to be secure in that love. Yes, it's difficult to understand if you've never experienced it, but with time, strategic mental/emotional tools and practices, it comes.
Join Me This Week as I Talk More About Attachment & Attunement
There are many ways to learn more and connect (there's that word) with me and our community this week. Let's grow together. WE are sooo much better as a healthy, strong, "WE," right? That is our goal here. Here are the links to finding SHARP emotional, relational, and spiritual health TOOLS for your toolbox:
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YES! I am subscribing to the blog, right now: BLOG
All NEW SUBSCRIBERS will be entered into an END-OF-SUMMER raffle for a beautiful "I'm Learning to CLING," giveaway. Just send me an email, janell@janellrardon.com, and I'll know you've subscribed!
Leave a REVIEW of the podcast and/or my book, Overcoming Hurtful Words (on amazon.com), and I'll enter you into the raffle, too. Every review creates a stronger algorithm on amazon.com and soundcloud.com, which increases the "visibility" of both podcast and book. Send me an email, janell@janellrardon.com, and I'll enter your name into the raffle. It's going to be worth your time and effort, I promise.
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