It’s chilly out, overcast, almost cold enough to see my breath. The air smells dry, and all the leaves are bright red/orange/yellow. I’m wrapped in flannel and wool, walking down a cute main street, holding my coffee. I don’t know where I’m going – I’m not in a rush – but my gut tells me something exciting is going to happen today. That I’m going to bump into someone I’ve always wanted to meet IRL, or find out about a great show happening tonight, or be enthusiastically mauled by a pile of puppies, or find the perfect midcentury table or chair for the house I just bought in this small-but-still-very-liberal town. My life is now bi-coastal, split between San Francisco and someplace like Hudson, NY.
That’s one fantasy. In another, I’m checking into the cutest little boutique hotel or AirBnb, in London or Mexico City or Copenhagen or (there’s a whole list). I’ve got an entire plan for the next few days: Museums, shows, walking tours, shopping destinations, pastries. The little old lady behind the front desk has anticipated all my questions and brings me wine and cheese and the WiFi password.
The reality: I’m sitting on this couch looking at the hole in my jeans, which a friend gave me and which I’ve basically worn out – and I realize ripped jeans are a thing now but JFC it wasn’t cute in the 80s and it’s not cute now, nor is this “released hem” shit or any of the other ways clothing manufacturers are trying to take the cheapest way possible out of making decent quality clothes for grown ass adults, and get off my lawn, etc. etc. Where was I. Right. My days and my head are filled with such utterly boring minutiae because I let them fill up with that shit. Because that’s safer? easier? than actually digging out my passport and booking a ticket. Or looking into buying a small house or apartment or, really, something closer to east coast friends and family that has more than one room because my dad’s been storing the furniture my grandmother left to me in his basement in New England for almost 20 years now, and he’s not going to be around forever and I mean it’s an entire art deco Norman Bel Geddes bedroom set with happy memories of my grandmother and I have nowhere to put it here and I should have a place where there’s an actual guest room if people want to come visit me, even if I turn into one of those older people surrounded by furniture that belonged to their dead relatives, which is kind of a depressing thing to think about but what are you supposed to DO with all that stuff when selling it or dumping it at a Goodwill feels like such blasphemy?
And so on.
Right after my mom and my dog died, I focused on the small day-to-day tasks as a way to anchor myself, and/or not think about bigger issues. Now I’ve progressed (?) to restlessness, mentally scrolling without clicking.
While in New York, I saw this amazing Vera Neumann exhibit. This morning, I searched for “Vera Neumann” on Poshmark and scrolled for ten minutes. Literally scrolling without clicking. Because how do you pick one scarf when there are HUNDREDS of them to choose from?
(This is where my economist parents would bust into the room shouting “SUPPLY AND DEMAND, BABY!” 🙄)
I read an article somewhere about how to deal with procrastination. I can’t remember the source or the writer, but the gist of it was: If you have a giant project, simply ask yourself “what’s next.” Like, what is the next tiny thing you can do to keep the thing moving forward.
So as soon as I hit send on this thing, I’m gonna go register for a one-off class, macramé or power drill usage or some shit, it doesn’t even matter.
And subscribe to some travel-related emails.
And buy some new jeans.
On personal brands
Last week I asked you about your personal brands, and whether or not the idea itself is bullshit. Some responses:
"I think of my personal brand as finding delight in the little things, trying to focus more on the present than the past or the future, and realizing that time is our most precious resource."
"I think personal brands sound a bit like bullshit, but if I had one it would probably be kindness. But just like brands, some of reality can't help seeping in past the shiny, perfection of the brand--so underneath the kindness, nice and deep and unexpected, is occasional snark and cattiness and some limited but truly felt grudge-holding. (I like to think it adds flavor, since kindness can get pretty dull.)"
"Long time reader, first time responder…. Re personal brand, I think it's the term itself that's bullshit. The concept is old and necessary – creating a unique and identifiable presence that will help you stand out. In the pre- (and early) internet days it was called your ‘voice’ or ‘persona.’ But we're in a super self-marketing world now, and the concept needed a rebranding, if you will, to fit the times. If I had a brand, it might be ‘sellout who stayed at corporate job past my expiration date’ – though maybe you claimed that already." #ZING!
"I did a leadership workshop maybe 15 years ago where we were supposed to come up with our personal brand. And I was stumped. I think about it periodically as small insights are revealed. For now, my brand is ‘star polish.’ I’m not the star. I help stars look good. It fits better with the teams I manage and coach than with my clients. For them sometimes I’m the secret ingredient, the insight that helps them reach their goals."
"I’ve been drinking from the firehose on this damn branding/self-confidence thing. I’m happy to have a break. I realized true confidence happens when you stop worrying so much about it, and just do something, whether it be shelling peas, making something, taking care of someone, or working for da man. We are all being pushed to be such own versions of perfection these days, I’m careful of these waters."
"This will sound so cheesy, but I would say my brand is Love. (Is that possible? Maybe I don’t know what a brand is!) It’s the thing I value most – living from a loving place – it’s who I want to be, it’s what I want my people and the world to experience when they are with me. And when everything feels like it is falling apart and I’m scared and sad and heartbroken... I try to remind myself to act from a place of love, rather than from all of those powerful emotions. And when I do, everyone, including me, is better off."
Good stuff
For next week
What are you putting off or avoiding doing, dealing with, or making a decision about? Major or minor? And why do you think you're putting it off? I'm hoping hearing your procrastination struggles will inspire me to get off my ass and deal with my own. As always, you can respond directly to this email and anything I share will be anonymous.
Pass it on
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