Being the remedy

Your long term friend or family member is in Hospital and its serious! What do you do?

Welcome to the Sunday Herbalist Newsletter

When the end time comes – Be the remedy

You have not heard from me in a while and here is why

A friend of over thirty years emailed me in July saying she had advanced cancer with a limited time to live. There was no real choice – I drove 1300 km to see her and help out the family.

Getting ready to travel up, clearing the decks on jobs I was part way through, working out what else I needed to do on the way there. That took a week almost and I was anxious that time was short.

Its a long trip in a Land cruiser ute – taking three days hoping I would be in time and that we would be able to talk in person.

This lady and her husband had been combined Uncle and Aunt, Mother and Father to both myself and my closest friend. I had stayed at their home many times and even bought a house from them.

It was my turn to be an Adult and be part of the cavalry to come over the hill to help out.
Packing for the journey I was faced with the decision of what remedies do I take, what books, how can I help her in a medical sense even though things had advanced to a very serious stage?

Reflecting on how to help it came to me that being there and telling her I loved her and giving thanks for all the help over the years was the medicine needed for the situation.

As it turned out that was exactly right – This lady was in hospital and in such a dire situation that coming home was not an option.

Cooking food, tidying the house, giving support to her husband and daughter, taking rubbish and recycling to the tip, landscaping the yard and keeping morale up was the medicine I gave. The remedy was my presence and support.

It was a time to be standing in the solidarity of this long relationship of over thirty years, paying back some of the love and connection - Being an Adult

Such a blessing that I had the time, having finished full time work – when I left home I said that I did not know how long I would be away – 2 minutes 2 hours 2 days 2 weeks – in the end it was close to a month.

It was frustrating watching her in a conventional medical system where there was upwards of 8 different professionals providing support and assistance – all well meaning yet their overall coordination and delivery was sometimes clumsy and fragmented.

The food in hospital – well that a topic for another blog

The hospital room was like Pitt street many times and I found myself resentful when in mid-sentence trying to convey feeling and personal connection there was a knock on the door and someone wants to come in and take temperature or blood samples or deliver dinner. Faced with this situation again I would now tell them to go away - we are having an end of life talk.

In the end it was simple things that helped – bringing in filtered water from home, simple carob sweets, fruit juice, lip balm (the hospital supplied a paraffin based lip balm can you believe it! So low rent – have they not heard of paw paw ointment?) talking, saying I loved her, hugs, kisses, expressing appreciation, relaying messages from people who could not be there, having a book signed for a friend, being on the receiving end of a spine stiffening lecture about how I need to get my head out of my arse on a certain matter.

Sitting next to her hospital bed it was not the volume of conversation that mattered but being in the presence and supporting. I did not want to leave at the end reluctantly knowing it would be the last time I saw her alive.

ACTIONS TO GAIN TRACTION

The Sunday Herbalist