CAOTICA looks at the practice of using labels to identify others we have a difficulty with. Alan looks at whether labelling helps or keeps us stuck!
A Newsletter about Labels!
Hi Everyone
For some time, as many of you will know, I have worked in the field of workplace disputes and the frequent presence of bullying allegations in such situations. As you will also know I have questioned the benefit of using the label 'bully' as a necessary action before steps can be taken to resolve a situation, or at least before we take steps to support ourselves in difficult situations, whether the person we describe as a 'bully' wishes to co-operate with us or not.
I have recently noticed a surge in social media posts, whether on linkedin or on YouTube about the label of 'Narcissist' that we might apply to someone else, and it would seem to me that the same problems arise in characterising someone in that way as they do for labelling someone a 'bully'. (In fact the use of labels at all is problematic in helping things to move forward)
I won't write much more here about this but am sharing some videos with you on this topic that I have made and also one example that leaves me puzzled with regard to how it helps people in such difficult relationships, and for me would seem to entrench them more and more in their difficulty in a situation, rather than assist them.
But I'd love to know what you think!
Please let me know, either by response to this newsletter email or via comments on the YouTube videos given below.
Best wishes
Alan
PS - If any of you live in the UK and would like to attend our next Conflict Coaching Skills Training Course in October, we can offer a discount to CAOTICA newsletter subscribers of £150 on the headline price. See this link for details
This video gives suggested ways of identifying whether someone is a narcissist or bully or other characterisations such as sociopath or psychopath.
So the above is a video that tells you how to recognise a 'bully' or a 'narcissist' - and perhaps you have now decided a person you are in dispute with is one or the other....or both! To what extent would you feel that has helped you improve your situation? I would be very interested to hear.
This video is called: Why Calling Someone a NARCISSIST or BULLY Doesn't Help YOU Move Forward! IT KEEPS YOU STUCK!
This is a video about why the need to prove someone is a 'bully' can prevent people from resolving their workplace disputes and improving their situation.
How to Deal with Bullying At Work - STOP TRYING TO PROVE IT'S BULLYING!
Finally, this video outlines the consequences of an approach to bullying allegations where the attempt to 'prove' that someone is a 'bully' is an ineffective response to difficult relationships in the workplace - and yet it is GLOBALLY the most common approach. This video makes reference to the ACAS guidance on bullying and harassment as an example.
"Alan Sharland has written a vital book on bullying. His approach is the way forward. Instead of focusing on 'proving it', which takes us in the direction of investigations and hearings that go no where and only serve to exacerbate an already sensitive situation, he shows the way forward through direct communication and a focus on the behavior that is of concern."John Ford - HR Mediation Academy
"I think you put together so well all the essential components of conflict transformation in a way which people can relate to and understand.
A brilliant book and I will recommend it to everyone."
If you know of anyone presently experiencing difficulties at work which they are describing as bullying, please share this with them or with anyone else you feel may find this newsletter interesting.
