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How to Write an Apology
Sometimes you think you've written one... when you haven't.
The purpose of an apology is to show the listener that you're sorry for any injury you've caused.
Whether this restores some balance of cosmic justice is beyond this writer’s powers of observation. As a practical matter, the display is to begin to restore credibility, character, good will, and civil comity. More immediately, it is to staunch negativity flowing the offender’s way and clear the way to get back to work.
It shouldn't be difficult to say I’m sorry. But as with so many occasions for professional communicators, the temptation rises to fill the page. Thus apologies are easy to screw up.
The most common apology isn’t an apology at all: I regret if anyone took offense at my remarks.
Willie Sutton regretted getting caught robbing banks, but that didn’t mean he was sorry. The "I regret…" path leaves a little wiggle room for not being sorry at all, and many people see it as the wink that it is.
Instead, try this: Every apology should be unambiguous.
If you’re sorry, say it.
If you’re not sorry, don’t say it halfway. Defend yourself.
If you’re not sorry but you’ve decided to say you are anyway, at least put your heart in it.
Get the words “I am sorry” in there in some high-profile place – at the top, near the end, repeated – just be sure it’s obvious. Don't try to improve on "I'm sorry." Let simplicity carry the clarity. Most of the words you add will sound like an excuse, so avoid them if you can.
On occasion, though, a thorough apology hits all the right notes. Here’s an emphatic apology from the musician Henry Rollins, who wrote some intemperate comments at the death of Robin Williams. After only a few hours of opprobrium in social media and beyond, Rollins wrote this on the LA Weekly website:
For the last 9+ hours, I have been answering letters from people from all over the world. The anger is off the scale and in my opinion, well placed.
The article I wrote in the LA Weekly about suicide caused a lot of hurt. This is perhaps one of the bigger understatements of all time. I read all the letters. Some of them were very long and the disappointment, resentment and ringing clarity was jarring.
That I hurt anyone by what I said, and I did hurt many, disgusts me. It was not at all my intent but it most certainly was the result.
I have had a life of depression. Some days are excruciating. Knowing what I know and having been through what I have, I should have known better but I obviously did not. I get so mad when I hear that someone has died this way. Not mad at them, mad at whatever got them there and that no one magically appeared to somehow save them.
I am not asking for a break from the caning, take me to the woodshed as much as you see fit. If what I said has caused you to be done with me, I get it.
I am deeply sorry. Down to my marrow. I can’t think that means anything to you, but I am. Completely sorry. It is not of my interest to hurt anyone but I know I did.
"I regret" is not the same as "I'm sorry."
As Elton John sang, “sorry” seems to be the hardest word. Fortunately, it is also one of the shortest. Write it, mean it, and move along.
Mike's Calendar
| Topic |
Organization |
Date |
Location |
| Creative Writing (6 weeks) |
Georgetown University |
Thursdays thru Nov 7 |
Washington, DC |
| Short Play “O Come, All Ye Faithful” |
Players Theatre Short Play Festival |
Oct 17-20 |
New York City |
| PSA World Conference |
Professional Speechwriters Association (PSA) |
Oct 21-23 |
Washington, DC |
| Speechwriting |
Georgetown University |
Nov 6-8 |
Washington, DC |
| Business Writing and Persuasion |
A public corporation |
Nov 21-22 |
Tennessee |
| Speechwriting |
PSA |
Mar 26-27, 2020 |
Washington, DC |
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Hire me to teach, speak, or write. I'm at Mike@MikeLongOnline.com.
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