Check out our Season One podcast "On Conflict" with your favourite podcatcher or on our website www.onconflictpodcast.com.  Season Two launching January 2020! 

 

1. HEALTH - Surrender

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The word “surrender” has a bad reputation. It can connote giving up, acquiescing, losing.  Yet the concept of surrender is central to living a full, engaged life.
 
What do I mean by that?  Well, life is going to present us whatever she does.  There will be times when I cannot control every little thing.  I can’t control my health, other people or the weather for that matter.  But, as the old clichés go, I can control my attitude towards these things.

Yes, but, what does surrender have to do with it you may ask?

Let's start with a desire. We desire things– whether it's wanting to win a contract, make a certain amount of income, or have a relationship blossom.  Yet, life doesn’t always seem to cooperate.  It can look like I’m not receiving what I most desire.
 
It is in those moments, where surrender becomes germane.  When I hit resistance, how will I interpret that?  When I hit a wall and I’m not getting what I want – now what?
 
I can choose to “give up” – to me, that’s not surrender.  Giving up is saying:  “This situation is hopeless, I will never get what I want, so I am going to walk away.  I am going to forget that I want something.  I’m going to deny it, negate it, suppress it.  I’m throwing in the towel.”
 
Nope, not what I’m talking about. 
 
Surrender is, as I’ve come to understand it, a lot more active of an activity!  Surrender is stepping back and remembering: 
 
“There is a larger plan going on here.  I don’t quite get it, but it’s here.”
 
In those moments of resistance, what I can choose instead of acquiescence, is a gentle letting go of the way I thought things “should” work out.  I thought I would get that job, that income level, that relationship.
 
I might still get what I want in that way, but if I hang on, it’s a death grip.  I need to let go.  I need to get out of the way and relax.  The hardest things is to trust.
 
So, what I am suggesting is that the “surrender” I mean is actually a recommitment to the deeper feeling I wanted in the first place.  Why did I want that particular outcome?  What did I want to feel?
 
The original meaning of the word “surrender” is from the Old French with “sur” meaning "over" and “render” meaning to “give over" or "give back.”  To surrender, then, is  to give back how you think something should go – give that up; give it back! 

And in that clearing, find the feeling, the vibration, the deeper why. Give up how you thought it all should work out and concentrate on who you want to BE. Go for the feeling state of what you wanted- and what needs to be will... find thee. 
 
 “The creative process is a process of surrender, not control.”  …. Julia Cameron
 

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2. ENVIRONMENT - Peace, Love and the Environment

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This month my podcast co-host Gordon White and I are cooking up some tasty treats to serve up to you for Season 2 of our www.onconflictpodcast.com launching January 2020.
 
This last week, we had the privilege of interviewing Martin Winiecki from www.tamera.org/.  Tamara is an intentional community started 40 years ago, based on principles of non-violent communication, environmental sustainability and sacred sexuality.  Quite the potent and provocative combination! 
 
Martin was originally introduced to Tamera when he was only 15 years old. At 16, he moved there to study in their 3 year educational program, much to the consternation of his parents!  Now, at 29 years old, Martin has their support and he’s grown to become one of the chief spokespeople for Tamera.
 
You'll be able to hear the interview with Martin in the New Year when we   launch Season Two, so in the meantime, here is an appetizer for you!
 
This is a substantial quote from one of the articles Martin sent us as we were preparing for his interview.  Martin is speaking to the power of vision in creating a new future as well as to how vision arises in people. 

Have a read:
 
"The necessary global shift begins by radically reimagining our civilization. If we have an authentic vision for a nonviolent and regenerative way of life, a culture of solidarity and trust, we’ll be able to midwife the global transition.
 
This isn’t anything we can make up; a true vision is something fundamentally different from a constructed idea, wishful fantasy or ideology. As we abandon the mainstream mentality of dominant culture, we also overcome the drought of creativity which blocks people from imagining an alternative. We recognize that our spirit is deeply creative and that we always carry vision – this is why we’re alive.
 
When a vision touches our heart and we allow it to guide our life, we’re driven by our deepest purpose and have enormous energies at our disposal. Yet, we carry vision not only individually, but also collectively. As Ladonna Bravebull Allard of Standing Rock puts it, ‘The shared vision for humanity exists, whether we see it or not.’ Our task is to become receptive for it, to see it, make it visible and activate it, using all means of communication, so that our collective imagination will no longer be driven by dreams of downfall, but elevated by the possibility of worldwide healing and unification."
 
What vision for our collective future do you want to bring to life?

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3. NEGOTIATION - The Highest Form of Intelligence

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The Indian philosopher J. Krishnamurti remarked that "the highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe without evaluating."
 
This fundamental principle guides a lot of the work that I do and is a truth I see replicated in so many places.  Landmark Education, a popular personal and professional development company having educated millions of people worldwide, has a similar approach.  They speak of a key distinction between observing “what happened” and distinguishing that from “my story” about what happened.  Gervase Bushe, in his leadership book Clear Leadership, talks about separating our observations (what happened) from our thoughts about those observations (our story).  Marshall Rosenberg, author, peacemakers and creator of “non-violent communication” talks about “jackal language” as the language of evaluation, as the stories we make up about what happened cause pain to others (as a jackal would).
 
Although many have spoken of it, it’s not a simple principle to put into play.  We are meaning-making creatures, with our brains always reaching to make sense of disparate pieces of information.  We could not function in this world if we didn’t make evaluations, inferences and assumptions about all manner of thing every day.
 
At the same time, it is a powerful practice to keep one’s mind on what is vs on all the stories about what is.  Our stories are also known as “monkey mind” from a Buddhist perspective.  Focusing on “what is” keeps our minds on the simple elegance of what is right in front of us and distances us from the chaos, chatter and confusion that the monkey mind produces.
 
Can you take this principle into your own life?  An easy exercise I recommend to clients and workshop participants is to take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle so that there are 2 columns.  Put “the facts’ at the top of the left column and “my story about the facts” on the top of the right column.  You could name those columns anything you want, as long as they represent in some way your sensorial observations on the left and your evaluations or interpretations about those observations on the right.
 
Now think of a situation that is distressing that you want to solve.  As you start to write out your story, see if you can keep to the left column.  Can you describe the situation with only behaviourial, fact-based language? It seems easy but it isn’t.  So, once you are done your work, you may want to ask someone for help.  The left column should be as a camera would record the scene, describing only what could actually be seen with the naked eye.  All the rest can be left to rest in the right column, leaving behind our painful “jackal” language as a distant past.
 
“That's all nonviolence is - organized love.” …  Joan Baez

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